Rant du Jour by Dateless in Detroit

Out of sync

2010-09-10T00:23:00.002-04:00

I’ve been going through some stuff. I know, it’s been a tremendous amount of time, but there have been more pressing priorities to focus on for now, like finding a job. However tonight I am feeling a bit defeated. The last I wrote, I said I was done, and I am for the most part, except for my heart. My heart can’t just shut off anymore. I care for “that guy” and there is nothing that can change that right now. We had an honest exchange of words, and again, it’s just not the right time…for him. As always. Per usual, my life as a movie is running out of sync with the audio track. Like when you watch a movie and the mouths are moving but the words are off. It’s the story of my life and I shouldn’t be surprised. Just this one time I thought maybe I found something special and that it might, by some miracle, work out in to be something great. No such luck. As you have read and I am sure as you know, luck isn’t my forte. “That guy” wont escape my thoughts, heart, and mind for a long while, but I can’t do anything more. I’ve told him how I felt, he told me it’s the wrong time, and that is all I can do. So when I go out, I don’t have any intention of meeting anyone, and really don’t look at anyone like “ooooh blah blah blah”.

However a few weeks ago, I did meet a man that made me look twice. This of course peaked my interest, because, hail!, someone made me interested? He is super cute, smart, funny, incredibly tall, and seems to be a good guy. The problem is, we have not seen each other out of the environment in which we met. I do have to say he did say he would visit me at one of my jobs, and totally did. I have heard this line 1000 times. And all 999 times, it was a lie. But, this time it was the truth…however, he hasn’t asked me to hang out, go out, or anything. I don’t know what he is waiting for. He seems to like me and he made me look at a time that I didn’t think I could look at anyone else. I only know that he was in a relationship that was pretty serious and just only like 6 months ago ended it. I can understand the hesitation to date. Only time will tell, but I don’t want to sit here with another person for a year before nothing happens, just like “that guy”. I almost feel guilty for saying this, but I rather like this new “tall drink”. I feel guilty because of my feelings for “that guy”.

So, tonight, I am at the spot…where I met both of them. “That guy” never comes here anymore, or rarely, so I never expect to run into him, however “tall drink” has been here on the same day I have for the past several weeks. So here I sit in that place just writing and job searching, and who walks in? “That guy”. OMG. I haven’t seen him in a couple months and man; I didn’t know what to do. We talked briefly, and he had somewhere else to go, but it was nice to see him. I miss him, yes. But again, there is nothing I am able to do. And as I write, I continue to hope that “tall drink” walks in.

That is my dilemma. My guilt for wanting to see someone else, even though “that guy” has no “claim” on me is kind of affecting me. I know it shouldn’t but it does. I feel tested and I don’t like it. At this point I don’t know what to do. I guess I will do nothing, what else? There is nothing else for me to do but continue to wait for someone who feels I am worth it, regardless of how many more years or broken hearts that will take.

Silence is usually loud and clear

2010-07-12T22:33:00.000-04:00

I’m done. I’ve had it. Finite! My venture of putting myself out there and remaining open and vulnerable has left me with rejection, again. So be it. I did what I did. I don’t necessarily regret it but damn, do I feel stupid. It’s the truth. I know, blah blah, you’ll find someone, blah blah, you must remain open to love, blah blah BLAH! Frankly, I’m tired of hearing that crap, regardless of the intention behind the sentiment. I’m quite tired of all the “oh I’m so in love” Facebook status updates, and I am sick to death of having hope for a “great love”. It’s exhausting and I want it to take a rest.

There is only so much one person can do and absorb before you step back and have enough. I was quite clear in my openness and the lack of reciprocation I received was enough to give me the hint. It happens, I know, and now it’s time to move on and moving on is what I am doing. There is insurmountable truth in “He’s just not that into you”. Take that ladies, take it and use it when you think maybe he is scared, or broken, or gun shy. Yes, they may be scared, broken, and gun shy, but only for so long. At some point a man who is truly interested in a woman steps up to those fears and does something about them. Unfortunately, he will someday, with someone worth it to him.

I find myself in an odd spot of self loathing, an “I am stronger than this” attitude, and ‘what is wrong with me / what is wrong with him’ tug of war. I’m going to drive myself insane trying to figure that crap out. What I can figure out is that silence is usually loud and clear. When I stopped ‘trying’ and stopped contacting him, I heard nothing. There was my answer. Passive aggressive? Yes, but we weren’t exactly great communicators with each other.

This is really all I want to say about this right now. I can’t say that I won’t fall into a weak moment while moving on, but where I stand is in giving up on this one.

Fragile--This side up

2010-06-27T00:39:00.003-04:00

Damn the rollercoaster of my emotions lately. I am trying to put everything into perspective and not over-analyze and just take things as they come. As much as I say “I’m totally not like a girl”, I totally am in so many ways. In the self-deprecating way, the insecure way, and the unsure way. It totally sucks. Since my last “deep” post, I’ve done a bunch more soul searching, and I can’t figure out what is up or down. One moment, I think I totally know my answer and in the very next moment something happens where I am proven wrong by something telling me to calm my ass down and that what I probably think to be true (which is the worst) is not true and to seriously think about what my inner voice is saying for one goddamn minute. Your inner voice can be your worst enemy by the way.

I try to write as these emotions come, as to document this ride, but sometimes, it’s just too overwhelming and I can’t, so I have to recant after the fact many times. I really need to work on my inner-editor also. This is a document of my emotional process as much as a vent or a rant. Some of you may not understand why I put my emotions on blast like I do, but you don’t need to. It’s just what I need to do for myself.

Yes, my rollercoaster of emotions has everything to do with “that guy”. As I’ve yakked your ear off in many other posts, this is all new for me. This vulnerability of leaving myself open to hurt is messing with my head, my heart, my confidence, and my inner voice. It effin sucks. I honestly don’t remember the last time I let myself be open to hurt and total heartbreak. This is a learning experience as well as a joyful and painful (at times) journey. Painful, not because “that guy” is being hateful or mean, but painful because of the courage it is taking me to stay open, remain patient, and not fall into my old patterns of getting pissed off and banging my head against that huge wall that usually is there to protect me. However hard this process is for me, at least I know I can feel emotions for a man again; that I am not entirely cynical and damaged. For whatever reason this man is worth all the time this has been going on and all the ups and downs in my emotions. Or maybe he is here to teach me how to overcome this very big flaw of mine. This I don’t know, but I enjoy him regardless. I hope in the end of all this, I come out stronger and better, and not more broken and bitter.

Hawaii 5-Uh Oh

2010-06-17T00:09:00.001-04:00

I always write about my F’d up dates and what they do, right, but how is it that I never ever F them up myself? Well, I did this one time. Well, I’m pretty sure I have more than once (not in this extreme of a way), but I was thinking about this one instance today, so this is the story you are getting, just so you know that I am human and not perfect. {{Wink}}

There was a brother of a friend of my ex who is totally cute. We got to talking, etc, and I invited him to a bonfire party. He accepted and met me there. We all know that bonfires are pretty laid back; you drink, you talk, roast things over the fire, etc. So on my way to the bonfire, which was at my best friend’s house, I stopped at the liquor store for my drink of choice. At that time, my drink was Vodka and cranberry. As I was perusing the store for the cranberry I came across a shelf of Hawaiian Punch. I stopped and thought about it. (Who stops and thinks about Hawaiian Punch as a mixer?) I haven’t had Hawaiian Punch in forever! I picked it up off the shelf, went to the checkout, and bought the most amazing mixer ever. Um…I couldn’t have been more wrong. What kind of idiot gets Hawaiian Punch to mix with Vodka? This one does.

Back to the bonfire. As I was drinking this sugary and toxic drink, my stomach began to feel more and more like a disaster. Slightly (highly, as I later learned) intoxicated and sugared out, I don’t even know what I was saying to this man, but as I was saying it, I was resting my head on his shoulder. Not in an “awe cute” kind of way, but in an “I don’t feel so well” kind of way. He was a good sport, but I am pretty sure he thought I was nuts. Wouldn’t you? As the night moved on, and a few drinks later, I got a hankering for a snack, thinking I could feel better if I ate something. This horrible sugar stomach was really bothering me, and I wanted it to go away, stat. Someone had donated a huge bag of Combos so I started shoveling them into my mouth. While listening to someone talk about Pizza and other things I didn’t care to hear about, my stomach suddenly churned and became more and more scary. I got up from my chair very calmly and walked into the house. (Later I learned that actually I jumped up, and staggered very quickly into the house). I got to the bathroom; shut the door and projectile vomited red Hawaiian Punch into the toilet. Well, my friend was in the kitchen and she heard everything and came in to make sure I was ok. I was crying my eyes out in embarrassment because my date was still outside and I felt like a total asshole, not to mention I felt like complete shit and totally destroyed her bathroom. And by ‘felt like a total asshole" I mean that I was a horrible date and I felt like I may have actually been dying from sugar and high fructose corn syrup poisoning and that I was not sure I could move from the toilet area.

As I was cleaning her bathroom (remember, projectile vomit), I had to stop to praise the porcelain God a few more times. After everything was out I was still a hot mess, so I decided to just lie down on her couch for a few minutes to gather myself. Well, when I got up from my little rest, it was morning, the room was spinning, and my head was pounding and I was still in the process of my slow and horrible death by sugar. I then realize, again, that I completely left my date by the bonfire to throw up because of what I drank and passed out cold on the couch. Oh My Gawd. I was humiliated! When my friend woke up, she told me about the evening, the parts I couldn’t remember, like shoveling combos into my mouth then throwing them at the three legged opossum we called “Tri-Pod” that lives in her bushes and then making weird donkey noises when her friend was talking about his little dog he called “Little Horsey”. FYI, I know that horses don’t make the same sound as a donkey. Well at least in a sane mind I do. She told me about how I was mumbling while my entire body, not just my head, was resting on my dates arm, not on my date’s shoulder. I was basically using him as a freaking wall. She also made me clean the bathroom one more time, because I missed some spots. I don’t blame her. It was fucking disgusting.

My date apparently ended up staying at the bonfire until 4am. At least he was enjoying himself with my friends. Either way, I felt like a complete douchette. Since that fateful day a few years ago (one I’d like to erase from existence), I have not had a Vodka and cranberry ever again. I know Hawaiian Punch is NOT cranberry juice, but all the same, it makes my stomach wretch with the grittiness of sugar and I have an adverse reaction. In case you were wondering, Hawaiian Punch has 28 motherfucking grams of sugar per 8 oz glass. I can only imagine how many grams I inhaled that night. I don’t even eat sugary things! I don’t know what I was thinking, but hey, live and learn. I did have another tentative date with that guy a week or two later. Good thing he didn’t come to Southwest Detroit for the Cinco de Mayo party. I passed out there too, but for a completely different reason not involving alcohol. I am sure if were there, I’d most certainly go down in history as one of his most crazy experiences ever, if indeed, I hadn’t already.

Ghosts of boyfriends past.

2010-06-16T00:28:00.008-04:00

I had an interesting chat with a friend the other night. I needed some venting time and to just talk out some things I had been mulling over for some time. You see, even though I know things with “that guy” that I’ve talked about in several previous posts, will go nowhere, for some reason when I see him; I still get all goofy about him. I needed to talk it out and by actually doing this with a live human being for once I opened up a large can of worms that I never realized resided in my brain.

See, “that guy” is my friend. A nice guy but not someone where I feel I will get any ‘depth’ out of nor a relationship. I’ve realized that a long time ago and am fine with this. My confusion lies in the question: why do I continue to gravitate towards him when we spend time together or I run into him while out on the town? My realization in fact, has nothing to do with this one particular man. It has everything to do with every particular man I have ever gravitated towards.

My friend suggested that I should look to my past for answers. Map out, if you will, all of my past relationships, short and long, and see if there are any similarities and what they could mean for my future. This suggestion hit me suddenly and powerfully. An explosion of fireworks (not a mere light bulb) went off above my head. Holy Hell, I think I understand. As quickly as she said those words I realized that every single one of my relationships with men has had no substance. There was no meat with the potatoes. There was nothing on a deep level. At all.

My longest relationship, my high school and college relationship-- turned psycho ex boyfriend, probably has a lot to do with it, although at this time, I don’t know what that is. But every relationship after him has been an empty shell of a relationship. The man I dated immediately after him, rebound some may say, was this way. This Colombian man spoke virtually no English. How could I learn anything about him other than what he could tell me in basic English and what I could understand in intermediate Spanish?

After the Colombian, I dated another guy for a bit who turned out to have a double life frequenting female escorts and had a secretive ex-girlfriend who was having or had just had his baby. Don’t ask me to tell you how I know these things because he didn’t tell me. I just happened to find out. We even went away for the weekend (before I was introduced to his secret lives) to see his favorite college football team play their home opener and we barely spoke to each other on this trip.

After him, my next boyfriend was good on the surface but he wouldn’t let me into his life of who he was. We saw each other a lot, we talked a lot, and it seemed great…on the surface. With just a small scratch of the fingernail, you’d see that he didn’t know anything about my family, I didn’t know much about his, except they live in Texas, and we never had a deep and meaningful conversation about our lives, how we grew up, our fears and our dreams. After this relationship, every other was eerily similar. And it goes on and on and on. The same story, different guy…each time.

Most recently, I suppose I understand now, the similarities in all these relationships; and your smart…you can see how much they all mirror each other. This is what hit me like a ton of bricks. Holy shit, I choose men who don’t want to or won’t open up to me and therefore I don’t open up to them. It could be the other way around, but for now, I’m going with this theory. My reasoning and thinking is “I don’t want to pry, so I won’t ask too many questions and press them”. In reality, a solid meaningful relationship constitutes having these ‘deeper’ conversations to understand and know one another. A real relationship will consist of these normal conversations you have with your mate. Not just surface conversation. What I want is someone who wants to know my dreams, my fears, and my family, what I am doing when I am not doing anything. The code that I haven’t yet cracked is why I am attracted to those that don’t care about those things. I am thankful “that guy” came into my life. I believe this may be the reason he has, and for that I will be forever thankful—as long as I can change the path that I have been traveling for so long. I’m obviously not close to having all the answers, but I promise myself I am doing some hearty soul searching. Stay tuned. I suspect other discoveries will be unearthed from inside this temple.

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger -- Wait, yes you are!

2010-06-07T22:42:00.002-04:00

I’d like to update the status of my most recent blog post. Remember when I said the last dating situation was normal, but just didn’t work? Can’t remember? Re-Read this. I JUST now received a text message from this guy, like 3 or so weeks after the fact of our last date. As a reminder, our last planned date never did happen. It didn’t happen because I did not want to go sit on his couch and watch a movie with someone I barely know and met off the internet. On Friday, while shopping with a friend, I get a text message. I look, and it’s from this guy. We will call him The Burger King, because that is where he works as a ‘manager’. Surprise to see a text from him I open it. Brace yourselves for what ridiculous sounds like.

Text Transcript:

The Burger King: Hey, I wanted to thank you for showing me how gold diggers act.

Me: Excuse me? I think you are completely misinterpreting what my direct enough words were. I was not comfortable watching a movie in your house. Sooo how that turned into gold digger is beyond me.

The Burger King: You are ok to get drunk in public with me but when the money ran out you ran out of time for me and obviously you had no concern to even text after that.

Me: Enough. Lose my number. I don’t need or deserve this for not compromising what I didn’t want.

The Burger King: Good luck getting more free drinks elsewhere

Now, my comments.

Gold digger? This makes me laugh audibly loud. As any of you know, as my friends, I am the furthest thing from a gold digger. I had no issues with his lack of money. Hell, I have a lack of money, who am I to judge? Second of all, the money ran out? Really? We went on two ‘dates’. I offered to pay my own tab each time. The total of our bills were approximately $50 for the two of us for both dates. The half date we went on was to the park and batting cages, pretty much a free one, and one that I enjoyed. All the lavish gifts and fancy places we went left me so spoiled that I wouldn’t hang out with you on your couch because of the lifestyle I became accustomed to with you. PahLeeeese. Gross. Burger King, go flip some more Whoppers and get a fucking life. Oh, and by the way, I don’t need any luck getting “more free drinks”. I pay for my own and am offered a drink every time I go out. And as for you insinuating I am an alchi, bend over and shove my empty bottle of Tanqueray up your tight ass.

/end rant.

So, dear ones, there is another one that goes down in history for being one of the most eff’ed up situations that happens only to yours truly. I will flip my effin’ lid if he makes another attempt at insult 4 weeks from now.

A new freakin hilarious video from my future husband, Jon Lajoie.

2010-06-07T22:08:00.000-04:00

Dating Update by Dateless in Detroit

2010-05-24T23:59:00.003-04:00

Remember when I said I joined that free dating website for research purposes? I posted here about that crazy email I got, remember? Anyhow, I did end up on a few dates with one guy from the site. Super nice fella and we had fun a couple of times. The end of our dating streak happened last week when his indecisiveness and my unwillingness to compromise my ‘feelings’ collided.

I guess you can say that it’s not meant to be when this sort of thing happens. I liked him well enough, but I found I wasn’t really into it. We had some fun, didn’t have a whole lot in common, but were able to have a conversation, and he sure did seem to like me a lot. I am not going to go on about how awful he was like in some of my more famous posts, like the bee guy, because he wasn’t awful or weird or insane. He was normal but I wasn’t feeling it. We haven’t communicated with each other in a week, and I’m sure it’s due in part to him making more out of something than he should have. I would have reached out to explain or stroke his broken ego, but like I said, I am not really feeling it anyways, time got away from me, and now it just seems like it’s too late to try to ‘repair’ anything.

Our last scheduled date never happened because basically he was light on cash and couldnt figure out what to do. This was NOT the issue. Let’s get that out of the way now. The issue was that we would have to meet at 9pm or so on a Tuesday night, and there aren’t a whole lot of free dates at that time. He couldn’t come up with something to do, and I didn’t want to suggest something because “light on cash” means something different to a lot of people. I also assumed it meant he didn’t have any cash to spend, which is fine, but there is nothing to do here at night without money.

He was obvious about the fact that he was upset that I didn’t want to spend time on one of our couches and watch a movie. I know this might not be a huge deal to most people, but for me, it’s a personal thing. You’re in my home, or I’m in yours and we barely know each other and we are there and ‘there’ leads to snuggling, etc, and I just wasn’t ready for that with him. Perhaps because I was questioning if I was really interested in taking this more long term; regardless, I was not willing to do this and I wasn’t going to compromise what my decision was. I was also not willing to go meet two of his friends, sit in their house and watch TV. That is even more of a ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ scenario than the one before. So, without plans, we canceled the evening. Neither of us has heard from the other since.

After this happened I started to question myself. Is there a deeper issue? What is the matter with me? There is a perfectly nice man who really seems to like me and want to spend time with me and I let it go. I am starting to wonder if my independence has gotten the best of me. I am self sufficient. I can do everything by myself and for myself, I really don’t need anyone. I am set in my ways, I like my space and I do what I want when I want. This is what happens when one is single for as long as I have been. Am I unwilling to let someone interrupt my self sufficient life? Am I so independent that I can’t let anyone into my home?

After some debating and hashing out with girlfriends I realize that I do need to let myself be less in control when I am trying to let someone in. However, I still will not sacrifice and settle for something I am not completely feeling. I know that when I meet someone that I really like and am ‘into’, I will compromise my ‘ways’ and naturally (without self force) will do things that I wasn’t comfortable doing in this instance. I think it will come naturally when it’s right. When it’s not, it seems forced and contrived and it’s really not fair to either person to pretend. So I didn’t. Stay tuned. There really isn’t any excitement going on with this particular dating site, so I may have to move my efforts elsewhere. Time will tell.

Cheers!

Hey, support my friend, y’all!

2010-05-21T11:56:00.002-04:00

There is one local event causing some excitment. New organization, Cancer Rockstar, founded by Meredith Bezak, is holding its Kickoff Fundraiser and Afterglow party at D’Amato’s and Good Night Gracie's in Royal Oak on June 10, 2010.

Cancer Rockstar was launched in February 2010, by Founder and CEO, Bezak, with her Cancer Rockstar partner and college friend Rhiannon Capling. Cancer Rockstar’s mission is to unite cancer fighters with their favorite music artists through free concert tickets, autographed band merchandise, and personalized messages from band members. Additional monies raised by the organization will be donated for cancer awareness, research, and support groups.

The Kickoff Fundraiser will be held at Goodnight Gracie's in Royal Oak at 5pm. There will be a silent auction with all sorts of goodies from local businesses that so generously donated products and services. Even more, the event boasts music to be inspired by from The John Arnold Trio featuring Pathe Jassi.

Can’t make it that early? No problem, there is an afterglow fundraiser starting at 9pm in D’Amato’s Restaurant attached to Goodnight Gracie's. The afterglow will feature more fundraising efforts, including a 50/50 raffle, and a performance from Metro Times Best of Detroit winner Odayin. More music? Of course! Cancer Rockstar would live up to their name. DJ Urban Kris and urban percussionist, Jared Sykes are also on the bill. There is a recommended donation of $20, but not mandatory. I say for all that music; $20 is worth it and helps an amazing cause at the same time. Besides, Goodnight Gracie's has some of the best martini's this side of the Mississippi.

Check out Cancer Rockstar on the web or on Facebook more information, to RSVP to the event, or to donate.

What makes me unique is...

2010-05-03T00:04:00.003-04:00

I talked a post or two ago about signing up for a dating website again for research purposes. Well, I thought about it and I signed up. I joined a free one so I wouldn't be pissed that I spent my money on something if it didn't produce the results (good, bad, or crazy) that I hoped for. The free ones are usually the worst but its less time consuming and generally more results driven. I am busily compiling stories, yet I haven't gone on a single date just yet. Most of the emails I receive say only a few words like "Hi" or "How are you?" (without spelling complete words) as if we were chatting in AIM or Yahoo IM. Its odd, really, but there was one email and profile that did stand out and made the grade to share with you.

The email came through one afternoon, and as I read the email, it wasn't very riveting. It was the traditional "Hi". As with all "Hi" emails, I went to the profile to see what this man of little words had to say about himself. I'd like to share verbatim and let you soak it in for a minute.

ABOUT ME IAM A OUTGOIN PERSON I WORK FOR THA CITY OF DETROIT AN I DO SECURITY ON THA SIDE,IAM A MEB.OF A MOTOCYCLIE CLUB BUT DONT TAKE IT THA WRONG WAY WE DO ALOT FOR THA HOOD.SO IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE LETS NETWORK. I LIKE TO SKATE,SKI,GOCART RACEN,SWIM,TAKE WALKS IN THA PARK......MY GOALS ARE TO BE ALL I CAN BE,WHAS MAKE ME UNIQUE IS THAT I DONT HIT WOMEN...AN I LOV ALL MUSIC

Do you need a minute? Thank goodness his unique quality is not hitting women, I almost passed up this gem! Before you ask, no, I didn't respond, although I think a date with this nugget would probably make for a good story, but I am not certain I want to put myself through that on purpose. Stay tuned.

Dream job

2010-04-14T23:06:00.005-04:00

This happened today. Honestly, keep reading. I have been in a serious job search recently but I feel like I want to be a bit picky on where I am applying and sending my resume. I have a few good options out there and I am hoping daily I will get the call to come in for an interview. I have not received any of the "no thank you" emails yet, so I am still hopeful. Along with this job search, I opted to have my new and improved resume posted on Careerbuilder just in case someone liked what they saw.

Mistake. I am getting constant annoying phone calls (I screen) from supplemental insurance companies to sell insurance, "marketing companies", finance companies and all things scam. No offense if you sell insurance. It IS a respectable career, its just not one I want to do. I do not want to sell anymore and I honestly don't think I will be any better off trying to sell supplemental insurance, like Aflac, in this economy.

Aside from the phone calls, I receive several junk emails every day expressing how I am so perfect for their company and to come in for an interview between bla o'clock and fla o'clock on a certain date. Um, no, that is not how the hiring process works for jobs for real companies. I ignore those emails, obviously. However, today at work I received what I knew was another pre-recorded "come work for us" or "I sell financial planning and so should you!" call. I ignored the call and went on with my work. This number immediately called back, so I answered thinking a family member was calling because of an emergency. Nope. It was Sandie. Sandie from GraM (We'll just call it that) who is calling. For the record, I do not remember applying for a job at GraM but I could have with all the resumes that had gone out. She caught me off guard and she was completely rude.

Sandie: Is this Stacey?

Me: Yes it is, who is this?

Sandie: This is Sandie with GraM, ummmm, I sent you an email about an interview?!

Me: Oh? I'm sorry, I haven't checked my email today.

Sandie: NO! I sent you the email last week and you never responded.

Me: I'm so sorry, I don't believe I received it. What is this regarding?

Sandie: Ummm, I sent you an email for a PR/Marketing position at GraM. I asked that you call for an interview. We have one opening today at 2pm I will put you down for it.

Me: Uh, Sandie? I cannot come in today, I am working until 5pm, and I don't believe I have time this week. Can I give you a call back when I know my schedule?

Sandie: Yes. Call me back and let me know either way. I don't know when we are doing interviews again.

Me: OK, Bye.

OK, so I had no idea what this was, and she was so incredibly rude and assuming. I ventured back through my emails, and yep, Sandie sure did email me. I ignored it because #1: Who emails you for an interview? #2: The email states 'GROUP interview' (red flag for a pyramid marketing scheme) and #3: She was fucking rude and I don't want to work somewhere when I know off the bat rude asses will be in my life for 40+ hours each week.

Here is the email I received when I dug it up.

First of all, Sandie, spell my name right. You would think that considering you spell your name with an "ie" instead of a "y" that you'd be super conscious about spelling names correctly. Second of all, group interviews? We all know that means pyramid marketing scheme. If you didn't, now you know. I've been duped before. Thirdly, what is this job for?? What is the position? What IS GraM? Oh Sandie, go bite a juicy one and leave me alone. I didn't call because I am not interested in your schemes.

Yes, this happened to me. Of course!

Back to the Wild

2010-04-09T00:23:00.004-04:00

So, things didn't work out with "that guy" from previous posts. I had a feeling, and I'm sure you did too. Its OK. I know I cant do anything to make someone want to be interested in me, and facts are, he just isn't, even though he thinks I'm a lovely person. I've said it before, always a good catch, just never the one kept. Always thrown back into the wild. One of his reasons was because he is still 'pining' over someone. Someone who treated him like shit and is not good for him (according to him). Why do these men pine over women who treat them like shit? I'm actually starting to wonder if I need to treat men like shit in order for them to be interested. Man, its so tiring. I cant for the life of me be mean to someone I like or love. I can be mean to someone I hate though. Hello? Get the hint men (and women!). I guess it holds true for women too with the whole 'bad boy' thing. For me, I like excitement, but also someone who is nice to me and wants me around. I thought that was standard.

I haven't been on a date since my terrible eHarmony experiences. Its no surprise really, as Dateless in Detroit, I hold true to my title by going on approximately 1 date a year (if I'm lucky). I had a thought this morning. I know I've given up on all forms of online dating sites but I was thinking maybe I'd sign up again for research purposes. By research, I mean hilarious stories. I miss writing about crazy dates and funny stories. I have to admit, I also miss being taken out to dinner or drinks even if it turns out to be strange. I'm thinking I'll start off with a free website, just so I am not wasting money I don't have.

I'm taking a day or two to sleep on this idea before I venture back into this annoyance. I'm not sure I'm quite up to sifting through profiles of shirtless chachki's and toothless wonders. We'll see.

Stacey-Do List

2010-03-29T23:31:00.003-04:00

Things I need to do and make a habit:

1. Control the width of holes on my mouth filter at the appropriate times.
2. Stop going for men who need to much fixing up.
3. Start believing that the men I am really interested in or should be-could be interested in "someone like me"
4. Continue my job search with fervor.
5. Read inspiration from the Dalai Lama.
6. Say no to requests that make my life difficult and "too much".
7. Plan dinner with a friend at least once every other week.
8. Get a punching bag.
9. Write daily.
10. Continue loving unconditionally.

Blah

2010-03-25T00:37:00.004-04:00

I'm just wrapping up day 3 of my glorious vacation. I've taken an entire week off from all of my jobs, finally, for once in my life. The first day on vacation, I did some running around, second day, I did a lot of running around, today not so much. I feel like the days are slipping away and I haven't found the rejuvenation I so wanted. How do I rejuvenate? I have no idea. Don't tell me to go take a bath, I will vomit. I planned on writing and writing and reflecting and reflecting. So far, this is all I've mustered up as far as creativity goes, and its hard to reflect when I'm being a couch potato. Maybe I just need to be a couch potato this week. I did read a book already; a long one. I also did get some things lined up for me to start working on things I need to focus on, but I want to veg! I want to be a couch potato, and I want to rest! I find at night when there is nothing possible to do, I get bored. I'm also out of money, which is hindering on the 'do stuff front'. I'm not tired, as I'm a night owl, and this is when I normally write. However, I am finding inspiration in nothing. I also wanted to work out this week, not happened yet either. Search for jobs; I did that tonight and applied to one. Only one was of interest and I'm fairly certain that even though I can do the job, my prior experience will put me in the 'no pile'. I will admit that I did check out my work email. Big mistake, it just fired me up about BS that I needed to get away from, and also my boss had to call me today to tell me what my "raise" is before I get my check on Friday. Well, my cat is ecstatic that I have been home. Eh, the end. That's all I got folks.

Catch of the Day That's Never Ordered

2010-03-08T22:42:00.003-05:00

Why do I always fall for the highly emotionally passionate men who are emotionally unavailable? When will I learn? I feel like maybe I am attracted to this type of personality because I too, am highly emotionally passionate. When I love, I love hard. When I hurt, I hurt hard. When I hate, I hate hard. It's exciting and it's meaningful. I know because of how I am, that these emotions are real and not conjured up in the mind of someone who is pretending. I've been with the emotionally safe men. I've been with the guy who is perfectly nice and perfect in every way, yet I was incredibly bored. BORED. There was no emotion, no fiery explosion of anything, nothing behind his eyes that told me anything. I cannot deal with boring. But boring has been what I've asked for, yet, now that my once dead fervor is now fired up in every which way they can be I'm still drawn to the bad for me. I always want what is bad for me. Not that he is a bad person, just right now, bad for me, because he is bad for himself in his own mind.

In my current situation, I need to have a chat with myself. While talking to a friend tonight, she asked "Why do you need to categorize your feelings right now?" I need to make an assessment of the situation, I've decided. I need to make sense of this and I need to make a decision about how to feel. I need to make sense of this all in my brain.

I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough for him. Talking myself out of it, makes it a lot easier to get through. Truth is, I haven't had these feelings in quite a while so I don't know what to do with them other than try my tactics to reduce my feeling of rejection. It's hard to be told from someone else the nice things he said about me, about me being so awesome and amazing and that I deserve someone who is going to treat me right. I'm always a great catch, never THE catch. Moving on, probably slowly.

Step on a Crack and Break Your Mother's Back?

2010-03-02T00:30:00.002-05:00

Bad luck happens in threes. My ass it does. Maybe 300's. I had such hopes and desires for 2010. I had dreams of a new decade with a clean new start and getting ahead just a little bit. The cliché that is full of shit is 'good things happen to those who wait'. Let me say something...I've never once seen someone who truly deserves a better life ever really get one. I've seen the fuckers who treat people like shit and step all over people climb the life ladder. Yes, there are those few who truly get the life they deserve, and that matters, but it is more common that the assholes get ahead. We are in month #3 now, and all of my friends call me the bad luck magnet. I've been asked if I've run over a black cat for extra bad luck, broken a few mirrors, or if a black crow has flown into my house. The answer is 'not to my knowledge' on all counts. At this point all I can do is find this streak of horrid luck humorous. I'm never surprised at what kinds of things may happen to me on a daily basis and find it odd when it’s an unusually quiet day. Instead of crying or having a panic attack when things seem to get too overwhelming, I laugh now. Defense mechanism? Possibly. Future breakdown in the works? Possibly. At this point, there isn’t much I can do, so I laugh. Sometimes I get creeped out by how hard I actually laugh at this luck, but I have to, or I will sink into a deep dark mean spirited depression. What? You thought I could be even meaner? Yes, I can be downright nasty if I want to be. And I don’t want to be that nasty. It's pretty scary. I had this thought that if I laid out the major things that have gone wrong this year, then maybe the curse would be lifted and I'd be free to pursue all the things with success that I've hoped and dreamed for 2010.

The first thing that happened this year was my purchase of new tires. I get anxiety with any big purchase because I have to put it on credit. By the way, I don’t want to hear lectures about credit cards. When you don’t have a pot to piss in and you need something as bad as I needed tires, you have to suck it up and put it on a credit card. After a routine oil change at the Firestone next to the spa, I got a call from the mechanic telling me, desperately, that I am driving on the most dangerously bald tires he'd seen. I knew they were extremely bald and was incredibly nervous for the snow to come and drive in it, so I bit the bullet and forked over $400 for tires. Ok, I got chest pains and had mini anxiety attacks for the greater part of the day, but by the evening I got over it. This same night I went to my cousin's house for a visit and when I left, I realized when I got home that someone smashed into my door and took off. My entire door was a dented smash-in. If that isn’t a shitter, I found out the next day my insurance doesn’t cover this, and another $400 for the deductible was required. FML right? At the same time this was happening, my hours at work got cut in half, which meant my paychecks would be cut in half. On top of this, the medication I was on (not for mental issues, I swear!) was no longer covered by my medical insurance. Surprise when I went to fill it! After all this, a string of less dramatic events happened, but none the less bad luck. I got another ticket for speeding while stopped at a red light ($$), yes, you heard me correctly. I have to pay the state for taxes because apparently in my state of poverty I didn’t give them enough money to pay for the Governors’ car payments ($$). Jobs I am qualified for won’t even call me for an interview and I do things like fall, stub my toes, break jars of spaghetti sauce all over my kitchen, and make an ass out of myself in front of suitable single men.

Shit, my life seems like it’s pretty suckerific right? It is right now as of month #3. I am still trying every day to make this year, this start of the decade, something that will be life changing. I have to try or that nasty in me will come out. I've made some goals like writing more as you may have noticed from my sudden influx of blog entries. I've committed to helping friends by volunteering for their causes that they are investing their life and time into. This makes me feel especially good because I'm helping people in need, helping my friends, and doing things worthwhile with my time that costs me no money at all. I have been more aggressive in my job search, looking for more writing opportunities and more networking opportunities. I am really hoping that all of this pays off, and I will stay motivated. Some days, I have to tell you, its freaking hard.

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that gave me an epiphany. We were talking about the job search and the lack of jobs available. We all know the state of affairs Michigan is in right now. As we were talking about her organization she suggested that I try looking for jobs in the nonprofit sector. Even though they generally do not pay that much, it’s something I'd excel at. My word, she may be on to something. I love helping others. Love it. You can ask anyone who knows me that I am pretty selfless. I can actually say with conviction that I am the most unselfish person I know. I may sound like a complainer here in this venue, but this is my diary. My very private thoughts and experience. I share them with you. In real life, I don’t go on and on about some of the things I go on and on about here. I am pretty modest, so it’s hard for me to say that I am always willing and wanting to give a hand in anything anyone needs. A new goal of mine is now to search the non-profit sector for more volunteer opportunities and job opportunities. I am more motivated helping others, be it finding people to connect them with for their charities or helping someone move or helping someone through a hard time. I am much less motivated to try and get a business of my own up and running. I've tried this a few times on a relatively small scale, but I don’t have the drive and motivation for things that benefit me and my business. I excel helping others endeavors succeed and prosper. I do these things not to get ahead or because 'good things happen to good people', but because I truly feel complete doing them. My friend, thank you for the enlightenment. I think we may be on to something.

~Cheers

The Insomniacs Club--February Version

2010-02-24T00:54:00.004-05:00

Good early morning. I cant sleep. Well I could, but I cant now. I was sooo tired, too. I worked a 12 hour day starting first at job #1, on to job #2 and then back to job #1 because someone couldn't make it in tonight. I even went to bed at 11pm. (WOW! Early for me!) and last I looked at the clock it was 11:36pm. I drifted off and heard a loud noise. It wasn't my phone, and it wasn't my alarm, but sounded like one of the two things. Looking at the clock, i had slept maybe 30 minutes. Apparently I was dreaming and the stupid sound in my dream woke me up. I rolled back over to go back to sleep and these nightmarish memories of what (I think) I was dreaming resurfaced. Awesome. Now I cant sleep. There have been some robberies in stores at the company I work for and apparently, I am terrified of that. We received an email from loss prevention today instructing us on what to do if we were targeted so its fresh in my mind. Wish me luck as I try to go back to dreamland....happy dreamland. I like puppies. Can I dream about those?

Peaceful dreams,
~DID

Going to my head

2010-02-21T00:39:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I'm not sure why I get things into my head that are not entirely true. I guess I am easily fooled or taken by people who are nice to me and misconstrue their niceness. My ego has totally taken a dump because I pride myself on being a good judge of character. This time I'm sure I will never know, but at least I tried. I put myself out there, am remaining open, but as my past dictates, I'm pretty certain I'm being dismissed non-verbally. Again. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then ____. I've given a nudge and that's really all I can do. Ball in the other court, ready when you are, tit for tat, whatever cliche you want to say. I'll be around even if you "aren't much".

Welcome back solitude, I remember you well. I dislike you, but at least you are comfortable and predictable.

Cooter McCreepson

2010-02-20T23:25:00.002-05:00

I work for a cellular phone company amongst the many jobs I have and in a retail store to boot. I see and deal with some crazy, creepy, plain weird, and some genuinely nice people. Anytime you work with the public you subject yourself to 'anything goes'. The other day this man came in with two phones. One phone that was 'broken' and a new one that was replaced on warranty. Apparently he was in the store just the day before to have all of his contacts, photos, music, etc transferred from old phone to new phone. The reason he was back in was because some of his text messages didn't come over. One might ask why you desperately need to save all of your text messages, but hey, people are weird so whatever. He explains that some were saved on the memory card and he needs them in the 'inbox' of his text messages. To appease him, I threw it on our machine and let er' rip. Some came through some didn't. However, the entire time he was hovering over my back and watching and commentating on everything that was happening with our transfer machine. Also continually asking like a child on a long car trip "did it work? did it work?" in an "are we there yet? are we there yet?" annoying tone. After the transfer he was looking through for what he was missing. Some texts were still not there, and at that point folks, there isn't much I can do. Sometimes the machine is finicky and sometimes its a life saver. This time it didn't quite work completely. As I was taking the phone from his hand to see if i could find where these files may have been stored if not in the inbox, i got a glimpse of a picture. He was in fact wanting picture messages, and not text messages.

The glimpse of a picture that I got was of a woman. In a compromising position. Look, i don't care what you look at or what tickles your fancy, but I really don't want to touch the device in which you use to look at such pictures. I about threw up in my mouth and disinfected my hands at the first chance I got. Cooter McCreepson was too close and too worried about his crotch shots on his phone. I finally had to stop helping him so that my co-worker could try to transfer the pictures because he just would not accept the fact that not every thing could be transferred. Irritated with this guy, I finally snapped. "Cant you just email them to yourself? Or resend them to your own number so they are actually in your inbox then?" He just looked at me with his stupid face.

Two days later, guess who waltzes back in with both phones in his hands? Yep. Cooter McCreepson. He took one look at me and bee-lined for my manager who has yet to help him transfer his goodies. So far 3 of us has tried, now its the boss's turn. As my boss is transferring I send him a text message warning him of what he might find on the phone. Cooter McCreepson was again all up on my boss's shoulder looking at what he was doing. It got to the point he was in my way and I made him sit down. What? Is he going to y something to me? Nope, I saw your embarrassing pictures and touched your spooge phone. SICK! Seriously, if this guy even comes back in, I will punch him in his nards.

I Think Wal Mart Makes People a Little Psycho

2010-02-19T22:04:00.004-05:00

It’s been a long day today. I worked today but only until 2:30. After work, I went shopping for a desk with my friend. I am in desperate need of a desk so that I have appropriate space to do my writing. I’ve made the decision that I need a desk so that I work…at a desk…and not on the couch with the laptop on my lap pillow lazing about and not getting work done that I want to finish this year.

First stop was a resale shop in Hamtramck called Recycled Treasures. It was recommended to me by a friend a couple of times, and I’ve heard it talked about. I didn’t find a desk that fit my needs, but I did pick up a few vintage appetizer plates and this ‘thing’ that I will make into a necklace. It’s a pretty cool place, lots of stuff to sort through and it is a true resale shop. This shop is great because it benefits the Hamtramck community. Kudos for local organizations. After Recycled Treasures we headed over to Polish Village Cafe for an early dinner. YUM YUM YUM! I got the stuffed cabbage and of course, potato and cheese pierogi. After dins I returned my friend home and decided to try a couple Salvation Army stores. No such luck when you are looking for something specific, right? Both Salvation Army stores had poker tables. Both. But not a desk. I thought that was an odd observation, but I suppose people don’t want their poker tables anymore. Next stop, Big Lots. They had a desk or two, but they were not cute, and really, I just want a simple writer’s desk. Something about 35 inches wide and not glass and metal with CD racks and a computer tower storage area.

Because I am an idiot, I think, I decided to just go take a look at Wal Mart. On a Friday evening. Holy hell. At first glance it didn’t look that busy. I got a pretty close spot, and waltz in the doors. That is when it got ugly. I had to do the gauntlet around jerks that don’t care to watch if anyone is walking down the main aisle and just plows right by you even though they just saw the person in front of them almost take me out. Enter home department. Pick up shower curtain liner as I need a new one and head to the ‘furniture’. Oh good, no one is here, peace. Big mistake, Stacey, big mistake to think that to yourself because the MOMENT I enter that aisle every loud mouthed ‘in your way shopper’ at Wal Mart needs a desk all of a sudden. Nope, they couldn’t want a TV stand in the next aisle; no no no…it had to be a desk. Ok, so I get this happens to everyone but I’m annoyed, ok? I decide that I don’t know if I want to purchase something I don’t love, even though it’s the right size and an ok price so I meander over to the extension cords and extra outlet aisle. UMMMMMMM, why are people following me over there? Really? More than just me need to get a cord organizer and whatever else I was looking at in that exact moment in time. Christ!!!!! Back to the furniture and I decide just to pick up a cheap laptop stand for the time being. On my way out of the area en route to the checkout, I whiz by the pharmacy. I’ll be damned if I didn’t see what looked like two people on a date, sitting on the benches in the pharmacy department about to eat Subway Sandwiches. I know Wal Mart has Subway (they used to have McDonalds before they “committed to the health and betterment of the human health”) but I’m pretty sure they have seats in a Subway Restaurant also. I’m just totally creeped out. Fast forward to check out. Express lane. One person ahead. The followers from the furniture and cord aisle behind me (OF COURSE! GET AWAY!). The woman in front of me is a hot mess. She yelled at her son for what I think is no reason and is on the phone with the daddy and says “your son is being a little asshole” in front of the kids. Well bitch, you just guaranteed your son IS going to be an asshole. He will be a disrespectful little pretend thug piece of crap because he believes that’s what he is. Good going mom. Great parenting. I give her a nasty look, cashier vents to me, and I get the hell out of there as fast as humanly possible.

Now I know why someone was so inspired to create People of Wal Mart. Good holy fucking hell.

I’m home now, irritated and wanting to vent. Still debating on whether or not to put up the laptop stand. I’m afraid I may throw it out the window if it won’t connect properly and I will want to cry.

That’s all. Thanks for listening.

A Giant Horse Pill To Swallow

2010-02-17T01:51:00.004-05:00

My update is coming a little later than one may have liked, but there has been a lot to sort through. In all honesty, I never got a concrete answer to the direct question I asked in my voicemail to “that guy”. I received a very vague text message the following day and about a week later an email telling me how he isn’t in the correct state of affairs at the moment, and he needs to ”get his shit together”, for lack of better words. As a very understanding woman (I know this is super hard for some of you to believe, but I am), I responded with a simple to the point “I understand” email, and left it that. Men are extremely prideful when it comes to “having their shit together”, so I was impressed by his honesty. I went to the party alone and had a lovely time. What threw me for a loop is that I received another email the day after the party telling me how he won’t be around as much (at the place we frequent) and will be focusing on some goals he needs to attend to, which I gathered from the first email. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I had another email message in my box from him. What’s throwing me a bit is that my email was pretty much a closed email, no room for really any type of response. I thought he was done and I respected that. Let me explain a little bit better.

Usually, when I feel rejected I immediately throw up a wall, put on my ‘strong chick’ mask, say "he’s an effin A-Hole" and move on and not give it a second thought. Seriously, I can do that, ask any of my friends. With “that guy”, I can’t say he is an A-hole, because let’s be honest, he's not being one. He is being a pretty stand up guy, even though I'd like him to be a little bit more to the point with what he is trying to say. What is also looping me around is that he is in contact. Even after my last email to him was a closed one, I deliberately left no room for a question to be answered. My experiences have always been the same. Whether I've gone out with the person, exchanged phone numbers, or talked once--they disappear without an explanation never to be heard from again. Rejection is a continual part of my life. Because this happens almost every time, it’s what I expect. When that happens, my wall with the "you are an A-hole graffiti" comes plunging up in front of me. But because he has sent me these emails goes against everything I'm accustomed to, and I don’t know quite how to react. In any experience I’ve had, this wouldn’t happen. He’d disappear for a long time, and possibly pop up suddenly down the road like nothing ever happened. Not this time, at least not right now. I don’t know what to think or do. I didn’t respond to his last email which was 2 days ago. I didn’t really know what to say. He mentioned he may be out celebrating Paczki Day at the place where we’re regulars. I also already had plans to go there. I contemplated whether or not to actually go, but decided to anyways because, well, it’s what I’d do regardless.

As I was celebrating, he did come in. I feel like because I was there, I may have made him feel uncomfortable. For anyone who knows me personally, I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable, unless I hate you and then I make that person uncomfortable on purpose. I don’t hate him. At all. We had a conversation about some things, and I gave him the opportunity to meander away into another group of people, and he didn’t. I don’t know if it was because his friend was talking to us, if there wasn’t anyone else to talk to, or if he felt obligated. This is another issue of mine. I NEVER want someone to feel obligated to me. It felt like he was uncomfortable being around me. Unfortunately he felt like shit tonight and I may just be taking that personally, and I can’t help it, I take things onto myself quite a bit. I’m a hard ass, but my need for people to be happy and comfortable around me surpasses my hardassedness. (That’s not a word, I know that.)

I don’t really know what the point of this post is but to regurgitate some things I need to get off my chest because I’m being pretty hard on myself about the idea of making him uncomfortable to be around me. A part of me wonders if he feels like that too or if he was just nervous and didn’t know what to say. I honestly don’t know what to do with this openness and vulnerability I’ve exposed in myself. I am not the one who habitually puts herself out there. Or even if I may those few times, I don’t leave myself open, and for whatever reason now, it’s not closing up. That wall is not coming up in front of me to protect me. I’m scared and confused (don’t laugh) without the protection. I don’t know, I guess, how to deal with it or how to allow myself to feel these emotions of confusion, excitement, and the unknown. This is the first time in a REALLY long time that I’ve left myself open to whatever will happen, even if it’s nothing. And really, it could be nothing. Let’s be honest, nothing is what usually happens to me. I’m fully prepared…sort of. You may read this and think “oh my God, she is falling for some dude she doesn’t even know”. That’s not the issue and that’s not true. I don’t know him that well to be ‘falling for him’. What I know is that I like who he is of what I do know of him, we have things in common, and I want to GET TO KNOW HIM. Who knows, if I ever get to know him, I might not like him in a romantic way, but I want the chance to find out. What is really affecting me is this openness that I have before me. No wall, no crutch, nothing…like the lever is broken and I’m forced to remain exposed. As if I am standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and one little rock under my foot can cause me to go tumbling down. The exposure is frightening. The exposure is revealing to others and to myself and that’s a brand new horse pill for me to swallow. Another pill to swallow will be when I wake up in the morning and realize how much I’ve exposed in this post. Eh, it’s what I do, right?

***Morning after update****

So, now that I’ve slept on it I feel just a little bit differently. I don’t know why I am or was so concerned with making “that guy” feel uncomfortable. I didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing. I still am having my own personal discoveries with the wall issue and being open, but that is my problem, if it’s even considered a problem. But no, I’m not concerned with making him feel uncomfortable, because if I did it was his issues not mine. However much I don’t want him to have issues, if he did, they are his and not mine.

Sitting in Limbo

2010-02-04T19:35:00.003-05:00

I feel like I might barf. I just did something I have never done, or if I did, I don’t remember. I just called that guy and asked him out. I invited him to a Chinese New Year Party I am attending next week. Oh God… the feelings of things flopping in my stomach is happening just like every time I think about what I just had the guts to do; well, say. It’s now in its limbo stage because I had to leave a message after the beep. Nope, I didn’t text or email. You know how I hate that. I called like a normal person who is genuinely interested and I set aside my terror to do it regardless of whether or not I’ll be rejected. Now I wait.

What do guys do when they do this? Go about their day? I don’t know. I have to call my mom back, but I don’t want to use the phone because I know the minute I do he will call and I won’t get my mom to hold or let me call her back. Then it’s a stupid game of phone tag. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom because what If I’m on the pot and he calls? I can’t exactly take the phone with me, he’d hear!

Now I know how hard this is for guys to do. Man, this is horrid. For two days I’ve been procrastinating, and feeling anxiety ridden feelings when I think “just pick up the phone already”! So I finally did it, and the voice mail came on (which honestly is what I was hoping for, like a coward). So now, this is what is going on in my mind since I hung up the phone:

• “Oh God, he ignored my call.”
• “Oh God, he will not listen to the message and never respond.”
• “Oh God, he will listen to the message, throw up in his mouth a little bit and not respond.”
• “Oh God, now it will be weird whenever I see him, assuming he will say no.”
• “Oh God, he thinks I am too pushy and is not attracted by me being assertive.”
• “Oh God, the phone was breaking up, and he didn’t hear a word I said.”
• “Oh God, was my voice shaking? Did I accidentally say Valentine’s Day Party instead of Chinese New Year’s Party? Does he think that I made that up? OMG what if he thought it’s a Valentines thing, and he doesn’t know that I hate Valentine’s Day?”

So after a round of text messages with my closest gal pals who know the situation, I feel a little better. They are the best little confidence boosters a girl could have. So now I have my little mantras to help me breath a little bit and to help the feeling of jumping beans subside in my tum:

• “He’d be crazy not to call you back, hot stuff.”
• “It’s about time you do, guys are too dumb to realize the pretty ladies in front of them (you).”
• “I think you have nothing to worry about, he will say yes.”
• “LOL, you’re so cute, who could resist?”

Of course they are my gals so they have to tell me that stuff, but I know they mean it. And they’re right, he is a dumb dumb if he doesn’t want to hang out with me. Yea! Eh, I am still freaking out a little bit on the inside. Stay tuned to what happens!

Subtlety is NOT my Middle Name

2010-01-31T19:53:00.005-05:00

I never cease to amaze myself with some of the embarrassing things I do. At the time it always seems like a good idea, but looking back, I always feel like a dweeb. I am not going to apologize for what I said or did because it’s all true (what I remember of it anyhow). Let me fill you in. I have a friend or acquaintance; if you will that I met last year some time. He is a super nice guy who is always sweet and genuine. He has kind gentle eyes and I can tell through them that he is a kind, gentle, and genuine human being. A persons eyes tell a lot about who they are without knowing a whole lot about the person; that’s why people call them the windows to our soul. Since I received a random text message from him right after the New Year, I have thought about him periodically. We comment now and again on Facebook and he seems like an interesting and intelligent person. We frequent the same pub which is how I know him and last night I went there after a long hiatus. I had a late dinner with HNK, and we headed over to our favorite place. When we got there, I sent him a message saying that if he was out and about to pop in and say hello and apologized if I woke him considering it was about midnight. He did end up popping in to say hello. (smiles) Between the time I sent him the message and the time he got there, the bartender had given me two shots of his own invention (yikes) and the double on the drink I usually order. I was a little buzzed. (caution)

I am not even sure how we got into a hug that lasted for almost the entire night, or how I conned him into slow dancing with me at this dive bar, but I did. And I hope to God I didn’t creep him out. Some of the conversation is fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure I told him more than three times that I think he is super duper. Do I NOT know the meaning of subtlety? I mean, I am a pretty direct person, and I guess more so when I have a drink or two, so I suppose its not so surprising. I’m also pretty sure I was also singing as we were dancing. Even more embarrassing or actually painful he had to hear that. (OMG) He is too nice to tell me to eff off, so really I have no idea if he was humoring me, just thought I was wasted, or if he too, is interested. Whichever it is, it felt nice in his arms. There wasn’t anything skanky about it either, and I am glad, and love the fact he didn’t try to make out with me or touch me inappropriately.

Now I am not sure what to do or say to him or anything at all. My intentions were just to hope that I saw him and have a conversation. I wouldn’t be angry or resentful if he was not on the same page. I would still think he is groovy and still be his friend, minus the discomfort. Whatever the outcome, I let him know, and that, my friends, is the first time I’ve ever done that. Three cheers for me! (I may need to work on my approach, though)

Big fat sigh.

Check out these three new articles

2009-11-28T00:14:00.003-05:00

Subscribe to get updates on my new articles if you havent already!

Holiday dating gift ideas

Dating during the holiday season

Dating games: The D.E.N.N.I.S System

My webpage

I miss you

2009-11-07T20:51:00.002-05:00

A few notes about what I've been up to. I have had zero time to keep up my blog, and I do appologize-- if I have any readers left. I've been working on a site called examiner.com as a Dating Advice Advisor. (I wrote about it here) I'd LOVE for you to go to my page and click the 'subscribe button' so that you can get alerted on every new article I write. It would help me grow and also you can read my articles! Score!
http://www.examiner.com/x-22732-Detroit-Dating-Advice-Examiner

I've also just recently joined Twitter as well. You can find me at Stacey__D We'll see if that's fun. Not sure yet. LOL!

Cheers!

Another dope video by my future husband, Jon Lajoie

2009-11-07T20:47:00.002-05:00

Oh this is so funny. a la Lajoie style. digg. Love him? More at www.jonlajoie.com

WTF COLLECTIVE (Jon Lajoie) - watch more funny videos

Repower America while shooting whiskey

2009-10-26T00:19:00.003-04:00

There is this well known little under-rated hole in the wall bar called "Whiskey in the Jar" in Hamtramck. It is a place for the neighbors of 'The Whiskey' and for lovers of the dive bar from the burbs. The Whiskey is a place where you feel comfortable and everyone knows your name. Literally. Sometimes they even scream it out as you walk in; a la "Cheers". If you have been there even once before, the bartenders know your drink and have it poured before you even get to the bar. If you’re a newbee, you are blessed with a complimentary shot of Jezy. It’s just tradition. Along with all of the charm of a dive bar with a Jukebox that plays everything from New Edition to Incubus, environmental activism has become an integral part of one bartenders quest to save the planet.

Augie, the activist bartender, has been working for an environmental group, REPOWER AMERICA, writing letters and getting petition signatures. He has turned the bar crowd into a great resource for petitioning, letter sending, and as a base of operation. He always has his clipboards ready for you to write a letter to your senator asking for support of clean energy. Augie brings new patrons in and makes new friends by telling everyone he meets to come see him at the Whiskey, and they always do. He mixes activism with shots of Jezy....match in heaven right?

Augie has used the bar in a positive way to get people involved in the political process in a way that is so easy and takes hardly any involvement, all in less time it takes to drink a Jack and Coke. Augie mans the bar at the Whiskey on Thursday and Friday nights if you want to get involved and do something simple to save the planet.

My New Gig as Detroit Dating Advice Examiner!

2009-09-22T23:00:00.004-04:00

Hey hey there Dateless readers. I have some news. I haven't written in a while, but I've been writing. I am now a writer on Examiner.com, Detroit edition. I have the title of Detroit Dating Advice Examiner. I've been busy at my other jobs, yea, and been trying to write on topic articles for this little gig I picked up. Its a bit challenging since I am so used to writing in blog form, and being sassy and upfront about things, so I'm getting used to something new.

I wanted to share the link with my readers. This is a pretty cool gig for me. Its a little less sassy, and I'm trying to find my way into classy sassy.

It pays, but not well, and where I get paid is from you. My readers. Please, please please go to my site often and subscribe to my page. The subscription button is right by my picture, which, by the way, is going to be changed soon. I don't like what it looks like on my site. so please, please, help a sister out by spreading the word to all of your friends. My advice is pretty unbiased in regard to gender so its for everyone.

I also ask that if you have any topics you'd like to see me write about, please, please drop me a line or comment and let me know. I'm in search of ideas all the time, and could use your help as well.

Here's the info! let me know what you think!!!

http://www.examiner.com/x-22732-Detroit-Dating-Advice-Examiner

CHEERS!!!!
~DiD

The Last Standing

2009-08-24T23:16:00.002-04:00

I just realized as I got my laundry together that in the past week or so, I've gone nowhere and wore nothing but work clothes. All of my jeans are still clean, and all of my 'good' shirts are still clean. I did enough going out for the first 3 weeks of August to last 5 months. It was my birthday then HNK's birthday right after, and there were several outings. This past week, none. I've had a lot of time to sit and think, which can be a thing I wish I didn’t do.

I am the last of my friends. The last to be single. FINALLY! I have been waiting for this to happen, and now, I am wondering what my role really is. What do I do? What should I do? I am not certain. I am at a crossroads if you will, that won’t last long, but here I am. I am so happy each of my friends has found a love, a love I can say is great, because I can feel it radiating off them. I feel things like that. Take it as you will, but that is something I possess, a gift or something else. It’s well known in my close knit circle of friends that when I give my "Stacey Stamp of Approval", it’s for real. I don’t give it very often nor lightly. I have a certain penchant for the 'vibe', and I take it seriously, which is how (I think) I can eliminate dates before they get too involved.

For those who know me, you know (or maybe you don’t) that I am oblivious to people who think I am attractive. I have no concept of it. I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t think about it or if I just assume that no one does. This is something yet to be determined. I was given a good piece of 'self advice' recently. They said "walk into a room as if at least one person thinks you are hot, because the truth is, at the very least, one person thinks so". I never thought like that before, and was taken aback by the mere though that that would be true. I honestly, just go about my business and don’t even think about it...but fact is, if I 'know' there is someone in this room that thinks I am the cat's meow, then a certain vibe will radiate from me, and make me more 'available' if you will. I realize, I tend to shy away from the looks in the eye and the compliments, except for those who typically find me attractive. I roll my eyes, and say "here we go again" either out loud or to myself. I WANT to find someone to love and who loves me equally (or more) BUT, I am not actively looking for it. I do not want to look. Do. Not. Want. To. Look. I am tired of looking. I am tired of trying. Is that wrong? No, I don’t think so. As I've stated before, I feel like looking is just interrupting the natural process of the unexpected. I want the unexpected, and I want the extraordinary, but I cannot actively seek it. It goes against all odds.

Extraordinary. What does that mean? I don’t know. I attribute that to how the person will make me feel. The movies has a LOT to do with this. I love romantic comedies, but I hate them at the same time. They may paint an unrealistic picture of how falling in love is really like. Wait, might? They DO! I mean, how many times have you heard a story about how two of your friends got together and you said, "That is JUST like 'Bridget Jones', 'He's Just Not That Into You', 'The Notebook', or whatever. Never, right? Great. I live in a dreamworld. But, I do know that I want the extraordinary, the greatest thing possible, for ME.

eSmarmony Installment #3—The End of the eSmarm Regime

2009-08-03T22:49:00.001-04:00

It’s been a long time coming, but here is the last installment of the eSmarmony series. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, here is Install #1 and Install #2.

My eHarmony membership lasted a total of 3 months. That is quite enough for me, thank you. I have not been a member now for 1 month. 1 glorious month. Even though I had been on more dates through eHarmony than I had in the past 2 years, I kind of wish I hadn’t. As you’ve read, my dates were horrid, boring, and downright weird. I’m now done. Done with the online dating service thing. There are some who mistake my ‘giving up’ as giving up on matters of the heart all together, and that simply isn’t true. I’ve just told someone that I am done ‘looking’. If it happens it happens, and that I am completely open to that. I want something ‘by chance’. I don’t want to have to search it out. I want the unexpected and I want extraordinary. I’m not apologizing for that either. And extraordinary doesn’t have to mean model good looks or rich or whatever someone may think it is. For me extraordinary will be how that person makes me feel.

What I took out of the experience is that I, as a woman, want to be pursued, courted, and know that you are interested. In turn, I am more apt, or comfortable, if you will to pursuing you as well. (You, meaning in general, men, not anyone in particular) If you don’t make the effort, then clearly “you’re just not that into me”. That is totally fine, because nothing is lost except maybe my respect for you depending on the manner in which you let me know “you’re just not that into me”. I’m not sure if these men or some men in general don’t seem to understand that this is still a process that actually works. I actually had to explain what ‘courting’ means to one date. This date abruptly stopped communicating with me after our first date, and 1.5 months later, contacted me again wanting to start it up again. (Start what up? We went out on one ‘OK’ date?) I obliged because I am a nice person and he wasn’t a terrible person. In the second ‘first’ date, he had asked why we stopped talking and that we shouldn’t wait so long to go out again. Me, being the honest Abe that I am, told him why we stopped talking. He abruptly stopped communication a day after our date, and that I like to be courted, pursued, showed interest in. This is when I had to tell him what courting was, in the most primitive sense, and that in present day, it’s not so ‘primitive’ but still exists. He really didn’t know what it was, it’s not like I gave him schooling unsolicited. I never heard from him again. Maybe it could have been because of his awkward holding me tight hug and disaster of trying to kiss me thing, but still. And again, nothing lost.

Summing up, eHarmony didn’t really work for me. It was a tiring long process of weeding through people or waiting for them to send you ‘matches’. Process from 1st stage to date could take a month, and I’m a little too busy to sit and weed through undesirables all day. I don’t know about you, but I have a job (3 of them) and don’t have that kind of time. I know you know someone whose sister’s friend met her most wonderful husband on eHarmony. That is fabulous for them. But for me, I’m done with it. But I am not done with wanting to be ‘swept off my feet’, snuggling, and falling in love. My heart is still open, but to get to it, one may have to cut away some cobwebs or crack the secret code.

Meanie!

2009-07-22T23:31:00.002-04:00

I am pretty mean. As I get older I become openly mean. It started out in my younger years as mere thoughts I kept to myself that I spoke to myself when I saw someone, something, or heard a comment/story. In my older years, things are starting to slip out of my mouth that I am actually thinking. Like my filter is getting larger and larger holes in it for mean thoughts to fall out of. It’s like my grandmother. She was honest, not mean. Let’s be clear. And I would like to think I am just honest, but I am pretty much on the verge of mean. And anyways, I am not near the age where it’s 'cute' to be that honest, like Gram was. I am getting older, but let’s not get out of control.

I can only attest I get this from her. My mother...not mean. Rarely has a bad word to say about anyone. Me...total bitch about people. Usually-- in my head. Lately-- coming out of my mouth. I seem to not be able to help it, and I'm worried I may offend or hurt your feelings. Maybe not that much, but kind of. There is a social norm/requirement thing that if you speak your mind and it’s the least bit snarky, your mean or a bitch. I guess-- so be it. I don’t WANT to be mean. I just am. Things just come out of my mouth sometimes, and I cannot help it. At some point in life, recently, just before turning 32, I must have decided to fuck what everyone thinks, and just say what is real. I find it refreshing. People 'claim' to find it refreshing, so why the whiplash and flinching when words come out of my mouth?

For instance, a couple weeks ago. (This isn’t that mean, in my opinion, but an example of how I size people up). I was Downtown at a wine bar celebrating a friend’s birthday. I was people watching outside at the passers on walking through Campus Martius. This group of men were walking across the street. There were 3-5 of them, dressed similarly and urban trendy. In my head played the Boyz II Men song "Motown Philly". As the song was playing in my head watching these men, the part of the song where they harmonize "Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD--The East Coast Family" was up. OUT LOUD, I said BBD. Just that part. Of course at this time, no one at the table was talking, so everyone looked at me. The only person who got it, was my bestie, who started laughing hysterically, whereas I, had to explain I was singing in my head, and out blurted a part from the song. Not mentioning why. Although Bestie, knew.

For instance, the other day. I was driving down 14 mile like at 45 miles / hour. Someone was creeping from a side street like they were going to turn left, but not sure. Then at the last possible second they...slowly...pulled out...right in front of me, to turn left. I had to slam on the breaks, and I screamed through my window. "I HATE YOU!!!!" and when I saw it was an old man, who really shouldn’t even be driving, probably, and I didn’t care. I felt no remorse that I told this old man who might die in a month, that I hated him.

Another instance, the other day. A friend has a family member in the hospital. I've been given play by play email updates on the condition. Don’t worry, I am not so mean, that I said rash things about this, because seriously, it is tragic, and thankfully they will be ok. But at the end of each update it said "thank you for all your thoughts and prayers". While talking about it to a friend, it happened to slip out of my mouth (kind of snidely) that "I didn’t pray. I thought". My God/Higher Being/Darwinism..What is wrong with me? My friend looked at me like "whoa!” I apologized immediately because that is what society sociology tells us to do, and I was given this reply. "You are just honest". And she meant it.

Another: "Do you like this dress?" Me--"no". Turns, walks away.

Does honesty = mean? I have my friends for a reason, because I really really love them. My friends are friends with me, hopefully, for the same reason. The reason I keep the friends I do is because they allow me to be myself. I dont have to be a censored version of myself. They "know how I am", however that can be taken, and love me for it (I hope). A great majority of my close knit friends, I have known for many years. I've never had to sensor, and they know I never will. I don’t have to, and neither do they. I've in a way always been like "this", and only recently I've been outwardly honest like this to mere acquaintances, which is what takes those people aback, and makes me think, "shit, I need to learn to control my mouth".

I have been really trying to control my mouth, opinions, and snark with my co-workers recently. I just transferred to a new store where no one knew me until I got there. At my 'home' store, they knew me...for however brief of a time it was (9 months), they still knew me, and accepted me for my snark, opinionated self, and tactless humor. What I love about each and every one of them, is they allowed me to be myself, just like my true friends, and for that, I will always consider them my true friends. But this controlling myself at the new gig has been hard. A few things have slipped and I need to remain 'socially acceptable' for professional reasons, of course.

I don’t want to be mean. I really don’t want to be cynical. I am in a mood tonight especially, so I feel like it’s in front of my face even more. Stress is a due factor, and the fact that I severely need a vacation. Imagine if I were a celebrity. I would be the hottest shit to hit TMZ. "What did she say now!". Thank goodness I didn’t pursue an acting career. Well, maybe I should have, even though I'd be cussing people out left and right, at least I could pay my bills, and feel 'entitled' to tell everyone off, because social norms do not apply to the celebutants.

Deep Thoughts from the Insomniac's Club

2009-06-30T00:24:00.004-04:00

I am holding out on you, I know. I am holding off on eSmarmony Installment #3 for a reason. Mainly because of every time I write it, something happens where I can’t post it because it simply isn’t true anymore or I am proven wrong in my thought process, because you should know if you don’t, that what I write is pure truth on what happens to me and what I am thinking. There is a lot of stuff going on, and I just want to see how it pans out before I go all Dateless on you or them or him or it.

Today’s post may be a little reflective or ramble-some. Find it boring if you will, but it’s what I need to do right now.

Most times, I would be pissed if I didn’t get a returned phone call after a date, or if something kind of fizzled out by way of communicating after a date. But I realized something recently when I took some advice from myself and from the late Tupac. I just don’t care; I have no reason to at this point in the game, right? I mean, really why should I? I go out on one date and talk to someone for a week and I think I am entitled to daily calls and if you don’t ask me to go out the very next day then it’s over? No. And before you go all feminist on me, I just want to say that of course, I deserve someone who wants to spend every waking moment with me. I know all about the 'he’s just not that into you rules', and stuff. I know this, but I cannot expect that from everyone or immediately. Let’s be F'in realistic here.

I've realized I've grown up in that respect, because guess what? Aside from the date with the guy who brought the bee, I am not pissed at any of the others who stopped calling, didn’t request a second date, or have contacted me sporadically or started contacting me again weeks after our date. Because I have no reason to be mad at these people. What did they do to me? Nothing. They didn’t stand me up at the altar; they didn’t even stand me up for a date. And before the conversation I had tonight, I was not mad at all, and still am not. I was just kind of like WTF for a while. But because I am an honest person and so is this person, we were able to just be candid and say it. Remember this post? But then I realize people have shit going on. Life happens and we don’t want to involve someone we just met, rightfully so, and I have no reason to be mad about that. I certainly wouldn’t spill the drama or stress of my daily life with someone I just met. To this person's credit, even though we haven’t had the exciting conversations we'd had previous to our date and on our date, he has made an effort to contact me each day, no matter how brief. And with the candidness and honesty that we both openly possess, just seeing where the chips fall while stuff is going on is a decision we agreed on. So either way, can’t be mad. Can only just live and see what happens.

I don’t know why the sudden less 'hard ass' approach I am having to dating, but maybe that was my problem all along. I wrote many a dates off for mere things. Why? Because I don’t know what’s going on with their lives? Why do I need to be mad? It is NOT about me that they haven’t called, or maybe it is. I don’t know that, so why be pissed for no reason at all. It makes no difference in my daily life, so let’s just live. The hard ass approach is easy, too. It’s easy to write someone off you just met. Why? Because you have no emotional ties to that person. It’s not even worth it. What is not so hard ass is that I assume it’s about me. How selfish. I mean, yes, let’s be honest, it could be about me, and probably is most of the time, but it’s not always. Sometimes the person is having a shitter of a time with work, their dog ran away, and they are reflecting on their past experiences while relating to these life stressors and withdrawal. Wouldn’t you withdrawal? I sure as hell wouldn’t feel like chumming it up and pretending to be positive and happy while trying to get to know someone. Shit. That is harder work than just stepping back for a minute, a few weeks, or forever.

I probably spilled a little too much of things in this post, but it is what it is, and you can’t be mad at me right? You just read my post about not being mad, so stiffen up that upper lip and get over it. ;) Cheers.

eSmarmony--Installment #2 The Date and the Bee

2009-06-09T23:43:00.004-04:00

eHarmony was going ok; I was trekking along with communications from several potential men. I say potential men, because you never know what you’re going to really get. The first one to get through the entire process so we could finally email each other real words was Chris. He lived near me, and seemed pretty cool, normal. So the exchanging of numbers happened after a few emails, and then the call. We talked on the phone I think 2 times before we decided to make plans to meet up. The phone conversations were pretty good. They lasted a long time, like hours, which I DONT do, so I was looking forward to meeting him. I realize a lot of things after the date that were clues to who he really was, but how would I know? I didn’t. This account is probably the worst date I've ever been on, and I have been on some doozies. Get ready and try to keep up.

A little background. On eHarmony, (er, smarmony), your profile consists of some things they pull from your personality profile, and a few things you can type in to tell the world. There is a question there that asks "What is something only your best friends would know about you?” My answer is "That I have an irrational fear of flying insects...but you'd know that if you were around me when something flew by". When me and Chris were having our conversation, he had asked me about it. I simply told him that I am extremely afraid of bees and wasps and the like. Not flies, but if one flies by and buzzes me, and I don’t know it’s a fly, the same uncontrollable run/arm flail combo and probably a shriek happens. It’s something I cannot control, and if I am--God help me--trapped in an enclosed space with a bee or wasp, I freak out. So, he asked and I told. He thought it was humorous as most people who do not have nor understand this fear do. He mentioned in the same conversation that in the fall, he wants to take me to the cider mill. Awesome, right? I haven’t been in many many years except for the haunted hayrides, so I was game. When I said that, he mentioned that it is swarming with bees and I'd hate it. Well, considering I'd only been to a cider mill at night in several years, I couldn’t remember bee swarms, but he's correct, I'd freak out. So he said again, he'd want to take me because he thought it would be funny. Ok, ha-ha, that was funny, but no, now I'm not going. /end conversation about that.

During our conversations, I had asked him if he played sports, and he mentioned he used to play ice hockey, but now only plays roller hockey because of an injury. The injury was that he was slammed so hard into the boards that his retina, or something, became detached and he had to have surgery and he is almost blind in that eye, and if it happens again, etc, he would go blind. Ok, hockey injury. No problem. Well, this got me thinking. After the conversation I went back to his profile and looked more deeply at the photographs. I am not the shallowest person in the world, but now that I looked harder, I think he has a google eye. Like, a lazy eye that looks in one direction while the other looks at you, and you have no idea where the person is actually looking. I'm freakin out, right. That is something I am really uncomfortable with. I don’t hate people for it, but it’s like..where do I look? What do I do? If I look in the direction of the other eye, does it make them feel bad? Do they know? Does it hurt? Well, I talked myself into the thought process that if he has a kick ass personality then it won’t matter, it really only looks like a drooped eye a little, and not full blown directionally challenged eye, and it is a cool sports injury. (I'm not shallow, but am a little bit at the same time, aren’t you? Come on.)

Fast forward to the date. We plan on meeting up at a local pub for some drinks. When I get there he is in his car in the lot waiting, and we get out and I say hello, etc. He really isn’t facing me, so I can’t see the eye, which of course is the first thing I am looking for, because I can’t help it. But I say Hi, and am my nice sweet self. I catch a glimpse of him give me/himself a "humph, yup, just what I thought" kind of look. I crinkled my brow for a moment, and moved on, let it go, because that couldn’t be possible. So, we find a seat in a booth in the corner, and here's how it went for 10 minutes.

Me: "So! How are you?"
Him: "Good". . . . . . .
Me: . . .
Me: "Why did you have to stay late at work?" (He worked in an attic all day and supposedly his co-worker did nothing)
Him: "Why do you have to bring up something that makes me upset"
Me: "oh, um, ok...I was just trying to make conversation because there is awkward silence"
Him: . . . . . . .
Me: "So....hmmm.....were you nervous to meet me?" (thinking that this might be why the sudden cat gotcho tongue thing is going on)
Him: "..um..no"
Me: "oh, ok, well I was, its normal when you meet someone for the first time" (Me thinking that because of the eye situation)
Us: . . . . .
Me: "Wow, its hot in here” waving my menu at my face"
Him: "no"

So, I will stop that convo, because if I have portrayed how uncomfortable this was, you’re probably hating my life for me right now. It was like that for seriously like 10 minutes, probably more. I almost kissed the waitress when she came over to take our order. And to answer the big question. Yes, he had the google eye. It wasn’t the most terrible google eye, but it was one, and it could have been dealt with, if the rest of this date didn’t happen and it had gotten better instead of waaaaay worse than what you've already experienced. Moving on.

There was a two person high top table next to our booth with two women who looked like they were in their 30's were sitting. See, I wouldn’t notice that except he brought them up several times in our "conversation/date". The first was "That blond looks like a bitch". I looked around like 'who??' (table next to us). He said something like they look like they are divorced and looked older than he thought. Awesome, because I care about the women next to us. They probably were creeped out because he kept looking at the TV above them (wings game) and because obviously he was staring at them, but maybe they couldn’t tell because of the eye situation going on. Anyhow, we finally get into some sort of 'conversation' which led him back to asking me more about my fears. So I'm scared of bees, and we went through that again. He brought up the cider mill for like the thousandth time. I finally said to him "Why would you want to take me somewhere where I’d have an anxiety attack? I don’t think that would be fun or funny, so why on earth would you want to take me there?" His answer was simply "because I'd laugh really hard and find it so funny". Awesome. This is going well. I couldn’t escape because when I went to the bathroom, it was right in his eye shot, and he was ,like, watching whenever I’d come back, and he'd even see if I asked the waitress to let me out the back door. I don’t know why I didn’t just say "ok, bye" and leave, but I endured through hell and back, and lived to tell about it. After the bees, we covered my fear of sharks, water, seaweed, roller coasters, and heights. I mean, this was lengthily. When I asked his, he had no fears. At all. Oh, poisonous snakes, he guesses. Oh really? I'm pretty sure everyone is afraid of those except the Crocodile Hunter (RIP). I didn’t quite realize his unhealthy obsession/satisfaction in my fears. He got off on them, and this my friends, was the most interesting thing about me to him. He didn’t care about what I did for a living, he didn’t care about my family, he didn’t care about my interests, he cared and loved talking about my fears. What is that when you get off by playing on someone’s fears? Sadist? That could be a total exaggeration, but the closest comparison I can think of.

At this point I was getting pissed. Besides that we talked about his job (of course, not mine because he didn’t ask or even talk really) and how mean he is to his customers that he does house calls for. If he were my electrician, that came to my house, and called me stupid to my face, I would slap him across his face so hard his other eye would turn google, and call his boss so fast and refuse to pay.
Now, I just sat there.
Me: "Sooooo..............."
Him: . . . . .
Me: staring
Him: "Why don’t you ask me some questions?"
Me: "Why do I need to ask you questions? Why can’t we just have a conversation?"
Him: . . . . .
Me: (looking around, find golf on TV) unenthused--"do you play golf?"
Him: "Why would you ask me that?"
Me: roll eyes "uhhh, because you wanted me to ask you questions and it’s on TV"
Him: --boring answer of sorts then silence
Me: "Who’s your best friend?"
Him: "Joe"
Me: silence, as to continue
Him: "what? you want his whole life story?"
Me: "at this point, yes, I do"
Him:. . . .
Me: rolling my hands as to express, let’s get it going "how old? how did you meet?"
Him: blah blah blah
Me:

oh forget the rest of that convo, you can see how it went.

Moving on...and no, I'm not even done. you think it’s bad now?
I go to the bathroom for like the 10th time. Mind you, I actually had pee'd every time, but also texted people like mad as well. When I come back, he has a 'look' on his face.
Me: with my blank stare, "what?"
Him: "I shouldn’t tell you"
Me: "ok"
Him: "no, really I shouldn’t"
Me: "ok, what, did that bitch blond do something else?" (remember every time I came back from the restroom, something new was going on with these women)
Him: "oh ok, I'll tell you. I killed a bee. I struggled a little, but I killed it."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Him: "I killed a bee."
Me: "No you didn’t. There is no bee in here." (Tt was cold outside and no bees yet, plus, I'd know if there was a bee around us ever...because..I just know.)
Him: stare. "Yes there was."
Me: "No there wasn’t. I'd know if there was an F'in bee in here."
Him: looking at the folded specials menu that is in the middle of the table like something is wrong with it
Me: "Oh really? what are you saying? The bee is under that paper?" (paper was not crinkled at all, nicely folded in half)
Him: "yup"
Me: "It's not a bee, it’s probably a fly, and if in fact there truly is a bee under that paper, why the hell would you leave it in the middle of the table and not brush it off onto the floor so I wouldn’t see it?"
Him: Shrugs and takes away the paper.
Me: Leaning in to look. aT. tHE. DEAD BEE!!!!!!!!!! "OH MY GOD ITS A BEE GET IT AWAY" is my uncontrollable reaction in shriek form.
Him: Looking very satisfied with himself, swishes it off the table, and laughs, and says very calmly "I think everyone heard that. Huh, that was funny."

Ok, are you thinking what I am thinking? Mother F-er. He totally brought that bee. How do I know? Because from the depth and bowels of my gut I know he did. He was OBSESSED with my fear, kept bringing up how funny it would be. He also, if you remember reading, he worked in an attic all day. We all know that there are dead bees on the floors of attics or window sills. Plus, a struggle? Give me a damn break. I was in shock. I was just staring. This is why I didn’t immediately get up and leave, or rather; poke him in his crazy eye, and leave-- Because he got up before me and said this:

Him: "I'll be right back; I have to go to my car"
Me: Thinking.. please leave, I don’t care, I'll pay for your beers "ok"
Him: "Here, I will leave my coat so you know I am not leaving. I just have to go to my car and do some drugs"
Me: Blank stare and also thinking.. damn, LEAVE! And I can’t because you’re parked next to me. "ok, why are you really going to your car?"
Him: "Drugs"
Me: "Yea, ok"
Him: "Oooh, no, I didn’t tell you, but I'm diabetic"
Me: "Ok. sSo insulin. Go"
He went. I was praying he didn’t come back, but also fearful to go out there by myself to find the nutcase waiting for me with a beehive or an insulin needle or something.

Oh, goodie, here he comes. Back to the table.
Waitress enters scene, get our bill please. Yes! She's getting it.

Him: "You don’t seem upset that I'm diabetic."
Me: "No, why would I care?" (Mind you, I am talking in the most monotone bored voice I could probably ever possibly have.(
Him: "Most girls do."
Me: "I can’t see why on earth they would." thinking, oh ya right, like those girls you told me about who stalked you? Mmm hmmm
Him: "Yea, there were cops in the lot and they told me I couldn’t have needles out there."
Me: “Why would you be out of your car doing that? And oh really? There was a cop in a bar parking lot? Last I checked unless they were called, that’s entrapment, but whatever. He leave you alone after you told him it was insulin?"
Him: "Well not exactly, someone was walking drunk to their car, so he went after them"
Me: "Mmhmm, right. Where’s the bill?"
Him: "So, are you afraid of needles too?"
Me: Here we go again. "Nope, not at all."
Him: "Really? So, I could poke you with my needles?"
Me: "Ummmmmmah! NO, I'd DIE, WTF???!!!!"
Him: "No, with plain needles!"

Oh. MY. GOD.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our bill came, he freakin paid, and we got out of there. He was walking soooo slow in the parking lot. And I kept his pace, because I was NOT about to turn my back to this psychopath. I got in my car and sped the F out of there making well sure he hadn’t even started his car yet. This is my first eSmarmony date folks. This will go down in history as the most weird, horrible, hellish date EVER. Oh, this was only a snippet of weird. I didn’t even tell you how he kept telling me he wanted to get me drunk so that I couldn’t drive and we'd have to go watch Wolverine at the movies. Oh ya. This was a total gem. This is why I waited so long to tell you my story. I wanted to let that sleeping dog lie and not awaken any beast if they were to somehow find my ramblings.

So, with this being installment #2 of my eSmarmony series, you may be able to understand better one of the reasons that I am not thrilled with my eSmarmony experience. I've had two other dates since this (with different people of course!) and they were normal uneventful dates, but this....this has scarred me. I mean, I even ran into a friend and her boyfriend, whom I’ve met once a year ago, on this night, and he told her (I find out later) that he was worried about me, because of the vibes this crazy mother F'er gave off to him.

Like I said, if he had a rockin personality, I could have looked pass the eye. But his personality sucks, he is mean, and he is a sadist, so the google eye is as creepy as he is. I think I'm scarred. I also believe now, that I am put on this earth to go on the most horrible of dates, and live to tell about them, nearly escaping death by insulin needle. Cripe.

eSmarmony--Installment #1

2009-06-08T22:10:00.007-04:00

Here it is, the long awaited post for some. For others, this is a first you've gotten a whiff. This is going to be a series. The "eSmarmony" series, because a lot has happened to talk about.

About a month and a half ago or so, I joined eHarmony.com. I am not even going to link to them, because it’s not even worth it. You've seen the commercials with the people ever so in love; I don’t need to tell you what it is. If you live in a rock, it’s an online dating site...another one... but this one promises a different way to find you everlasting love, that is supposed to really work. I've kept this pretty secret because I've sworn off internet dating sites. I removed and deleted my profile from every single online dating service I'd ever used. Poof! I don’t exist. Phew. Gawd it was tiring, and irritating, and low quality. But...one day, Dr. Warren of eHarmony.com was on the TV telling me for the millionth time, that there is love for me out there. "Millions of users! Personality compatibility! Look at this couple in love!" I decided begrudgingly to give this one last shot. I'd never used eHarmony because it is REALLY expensive. So, my last shot entailed the rationalization that it’s more time consuming than the others, and its expensive, that must mean people on this site are serious about it.

So off I went typing and answering the questions in the personality profile. I took about 30 minutes and answered numerous questions about myself, about my likes and dislikes, and about what I want and don’t want in a man. After I was done, my info was regurgitated in the form of a personality profile. This profile was to be used to match me with people they feel I am compatible with. For the first few weeks, I had not joined just yet, and I was getting a TON of matches. Once I got my discount deal because they were just so desperate to have me, I joined. Then I went through all these matches. I deleted all of them from Canada. Yes, Canada. My search distance was set on 30 mile radius from my home, and well, Canada is in fact within 30 miles, but no thanks. If I can’t find love in this country, I have bigger problems than I think. I deleted all those without pictures. Sorry. This might seem shallow, but look here...If I am displaying my picture, you better display yours. Don’t give me that bull that you don’t have a camera. Guess what, almost all cell phones have a camera now, or one of your friends has ONE picture of you. Dig it out and put it up. And lastly, I deleted all of those who didn’t bother to write anything in their profiles. You can’t take the time, you don’t deserve mine. Well, this got rid of a little under half of them. Now the next task was going through the ones that didn’t get cut, and reading more, and seeing if they were in fact someone I could connect with. The list got a little smaller, but it was a decent size.

Since, I get 0 to 1 match per day instead of the 10 I was getting when I hadn’t yet paid. The ones I get are Canadians, no pictures, and not complete profile. It was suggested to me by eSmarmony customer service, I expand my search distance. OK, the next option is 60 miles. That is FAR, and I am not going any further than that. I am not about to go or make someone else drive 1 hour just to meet halfway to see if, in fact, the person is A. who they say they are, B. Shows up, and C. Not a nut job. Now I get more matches, in Sarnia, Canada as well as Windsor, in Flint, in Flushing, and in Port Huron. WAY far away from me. Whatever, I still look and read and see if it could be worth it.

The difference in eHarmony is that you cannot search through profiles. You must wait for eHarmony to send you matches that they pick for you based on the personality/psychological test/survey you take when you join. Now, as you will read in other installments, people can answer the questions in any way they want. There is no real truth to these unless the person answering is totally honest.

With all of that being said, this was a total waste of time and money for me. It is so time consuming for little benefit. I know, I know, "it takes time" blah blah blah. Yes, it does take a LOT of time to wait for the other person to answer AND send the 5 pre-determined questions with multiple choice answers that you sent them. Really? It takes you 3 weeks? Anyhow, I know I stand in my own way a lot of the time with my cynical attitude towards dating, but eHarmony has in fact validated my belief that online dating sites do. not. work. for me. The good thing about it is that I am open to it; I've put myself out there, and not sitting on my ass complaining about it. I've been on 3 dates. Three 1st dates, no second ones yet, nor do I want with any of them, but I went and was open. That’s more than I've given myself credit for, which was brought to my attention in an email from a friend today. I will just continue to wait to be the exception, not the rule. Just like the movies, or as similar as you can get with this being real life and all.

Next up: eSmarmony--Installment #2 The Date with the Bee

UNorg Chart

2009-05-13T12:18:00.002-04:00

I hate unorganized events. I mean, really hate that. If you are going to have an event, it should be organized. Every T crossed and every I, dotted. I worked at a "Quote--Unquote" women’s trade show last night at a local bar. They do this thing like every 6 months, where they have vendors set up, drink specials for ladies and drawings for free stuff from the vendors. The sign hanging from the ceiling saying "Ladies Night, Ladies Only" was handmade with markers and what looked like a plastic table cloth. The flyer advertized 'roving appetizers' which I believe to mean, strolling apps...there were none. They did advertise the chocolate fountain, which was there. They put two jewelry dealers in the same small room, instead of splitting them up in the separate rooms. And I think I got roped into doing a pampered chef party while visiting the other vendors.

So, the dance studio asked me to work it. I was available, so I did because I am in desperate need of students at this point. We are also doing an entire weekend of free classes to raise money for MDA, and it’s a good cause, so I wanted to spread the word about that. So, I get there, I find my table, set up my stuff and wait. It’s not anyone’s fault that no one hardly came to this event. Oh wait, I totally take that back. It’s the bars fault for not advertising correctly, and having their sh*t together. So I sit through 4 hours of nothing and am ready to leave. Well, back up. First I am told I will be teaching a short lesson, however, NO ONE who works there can tell me what time this lesson is happening and where in the bar this is happening. The DJ is announcing this a few times, so I go ask him. He says, "I have no idea". UMMM? OK? So I say, "Where is this lesson happening? Are you moving those tables right there?" He looks at me and says "Um, I am not moving anything". I just stare at him like F off, and he points to someone to go talk to. So I talk to the owner(?) with a sour ass puss look on his face. He has no idea either, he points me to the woman selling purses who is the organizer of this lovely affair. Earlier she didn’t know either, so I go back to her. She isn’t really sure. 10-15 minus maybe, is her answer. Um ok. So now I am pissed I look at my friend who so graciously came up there to keep me company and we go sit back down. As I am looking around, I realize that there are no more 'ladies night' patrons here. I haven’t seen a 'customer' come through the 'trade show' area for some time now and looking around the bar, it’s all dudes who think dancing is 'gay' and like 5 chicks. UMmm, yea...no one here is going to want to take this lesson. So needleless to say, I told the chick running this thing, that we're not doing the lesson. There is no one here to take it, and the regular bar folk are not interested in taking a salsa lesson after listening to Ted Nugent and Guns N' Roses. I am not willing to look like an A-Hole for this. She agreed, and we went back to our post.

A few minutes later I notice the other vendors packing up, so I take that opportunity to pack up myself. I pull the car around to hoist the TV I have on the table out to the car. As I am carrying it through and out one door, my friend is trying to get around me to open the second door to get out to the parking lot. Mind you, a man came through the door, scooted to the side to let me through while my friend is trying to get to the door before I drop the TV on my 3 inch heeled toe. WTF. I say "NO, Maybe this MAN could open the door for us". I said it as snotty as you know I can, and that is when he realized he was a douche and opened the door after saying "ohhh?!" Yep. I'm surprised he didn’t try to trudge on by me nearly knocking me over. Oh ya, and the door guy? Conveniently walked away. Nice chivalry. I should just say nice 'everyday politeness' you people have.

I should mention that my waitress was very nice and personable. You wouldn’t think so considering they make the girls dress like this is a fancy nightclub in tight silk dresses and stuff, but she was adorable. There was a guy (boy?) who worked there as maybe a bar back or something, who was very very nice and wanted to make sure I talked to the correct people while hunting down the owner(?) and kept asking me if I found him and if I settled everything. Those two are the ones who probably should have run this thing. They were the smartest most 'customer service' friendly people there. I wish I had his name; I'd totally call and praise him.

So, really the moral of this story is...have your shit together when planning events, and open doors for people, not only women, you see with their hands full or with heavy objects like a normal polite person.

Maybe I am Paranoid, but....

2009-05-05T21:52:00.001-04:00

Today started off really good. I got up, got things done, worked out (finally!) and went to work. At that point it went downhill. I didn’t want to go to work. Which is rare these days because I actually like my jobs, and like to go to them, but I have a really big feeling I will be in severe need of a vacation by midsummer. So, traffic was of course horrendous going to work, at 2 frickin 30 in the afternoon, and I started to get the "have to eat" headache at work while helping someone. So finally, I get to go home, and I pull into my spot and pop my trunk. I get out of my car and some idiot (man) talks to me from out of nowhere. I jump, say "Jesus!" and he said "do you need help" UMMMMMMAH. After I jumped he realized he scared the crap out of me, and apologized. I said "ok then, I’m fine" and he kept going on and on. "I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just trying to help" and I am all like, (and say) "ok, but byeeee! Get away" Even though he was sloooowly continuing to walk. So he continues to say "I just like to brighten every girl’s day and show them their beauty" OK freak. So at this moment, I accidentally, or maybe in involuntary defense mode, set off my panic button on my car. This in turn scares HIM and he says "omg, that is loud, is that you". I say "yep it is, it’s my panic button, so byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". At this point, I grab the litter, walk quickly to my door, saying "OK! OK! OK!" as he continues to walk and talk (not by me). I feel a bit at ease, seeing my neighbor peeking out of his door wall at the commotion, and I get in and slam the door....safely.

What in the F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You’d think I took a Hallucinogenic last night

2009-05-05T21:36:00.000-04:00

What my dream consisted of last night:

To start, was with Vera and Ang. We were visiting Vera’s home town which for some reason was Kalamazoo or something. So, we were going somewhere there, and to get there, we had to kick paddle through a “no wake zone” kind of canal thing on pillows. You know, like boogie board kick paddling, but on pillows. Then every time I hit a small wave, I fell in. So, instead of getting out of the no wake zone and into the lake, we came to a sidewalk/neighborhood/walking area. Don’t ask me, I’m just regurgitating. So then we get onto the walk and I see a sign. High School 16 miles. So, I get really pissed asking Vera…”are we SERIOUSLY going to go to your old high school. This is so lame.” They were like “yea, um, we’re running/jogging there”. Oh awesome, because I do not run anywhere. Sooo, I snottily say “well, are you going to wait there for me since I will be miles behind both of you?” And I start to jog.

I am jogging down this 16 mile road of trees, shops, businesses, and such to get to this ‘dumb’ high school and left them behind. So meantime, every now and again there is a checkpoint or a resting stop for water, or Jon Lajoie merchandise. Apparently he is the feature or hometown hero of this town or is performing there and everyone is either excited or doesn’t care. I can’t be sure, but I know I’m pleasantly surprised because I stop to purchase my Jon Lajoie water at the first rest stop. So I keep jogging and I make it to the mile mark, which seems like the 5 mile mark, and go in the shop and purchase my Jon Lajoie Bicep coin holder. (?!). Yes, it wraps around your arm to hold coins. Like when you’re working out and you can strap your MP3 player on your arm, it was for coins. So, at this point I have to go back home for something, so I get in the car and drive home. Car? I thought I just kick paddled on a pillow, and ran to get there. But no, I went to my home which was some way different apartment that what is actually mine, and my mom and dad are there.

They have just decided to have a renewal of vows ceremony in 2 weeks. So, I panic and have to go to work, to tell my boss, and see who will cover for my shifts for that weekend. The kicker is, the store where I work, (it is supposed to be the store I work in real life), is creepy, has crazy haunting things happening there, and I hate going there (in my dream). Also the manager at the store, in my dream, is not my store manager, but the spa manager where I also work in real life. It was flip flopped. The store looked like an old funeral home. Open floor, windows all around with big heavy curtains darkening the store from the sun. The haunting was the part where the ghost or whatever would shut and open the curtains at its leisure, or slam the safe shut. It was frightening stuff, folks.

So then, in the midst of some unnecessary stress over my parent’s renewals, I had to deal with estranged family members and finding out I am related to the Kardashians. I found them working at a drycleaners down the road, and that we have all kinds of cousins we didn’t know existed. So there was a teary reunion. Mind you, I have no idea who these people were, since they weren’t the real Kardashian's.

I have no idea how this treat of a dream ended because I woke up in a sweat. Good god, where did all THAT come from??

Excuse me? MAAAAA'AAAAM??

2009-04-23T19:47:00.004-04:00

I hate when people call me Ma'am. I mean, I hate it. I cringe, and actually swear at that person in my head. I was talking with a co-worker and somehow I mentioned that someone just called me Ma'am, and I hated the guts of the word. He was curious as to why because he says it all the time, and doesn’t think anything of it. I promptly schooled him. Women do not like to be called Ma'am. At least most of the women I've had this conversation with. Call them Miss. You will be loved. It will make them feel good, and not like an old biddy. I remember when I was in line at Blockbuster and the teenage boy running the register, said "Miss? I can help you over here." I blushed. I felt such happiness that this young man was polite, and that his parents taught him well. I was flattered. Maybe not all women feel this way, but I HATE being called Ma'am...and that is my side note on the word.

Matchmaker, Blogmaster, Make Me a Match!

2009-04-23T17:59:00.004-04:00

I haven’t told you yet, but I am responsible for a wedding. This blog is responsible for a wedding. This dateless beauty is the reason two friends of mine are getting hitched. YEA! I am so excited! I was excited when they were dating! Now they are engaged, the date is set, the place is booked, and I got a save the date invite!

During the heyday of this blog, when I posted every day and I had interesting things to say, I received a comment from one schmen.com blog (linked to my home page). She had found my link through "This Fish Needs a Bicycle" blog, (which is linked to my home page), where I had left a comment for the writer of This Fish. Schmen read a few of my entries, and liked my stuff, and left the link to her blog along with comments. I read, and liked her stuff, and left comments. Comments turned to email and email led to what I like to call a 'Femme Date'. Me and this cyber blog stranger met at Gus O’Connor’s for dinner and some drinks because we thought we had a lot in common, and hey, fellow snarky bloggers unite, right!? We had a very nice Femme Date and talked for a while. She had specifically asked me about a male commenter/reader to her blog, who said he knew me, and found her link through my blog page. She said his first name, which, I never called him by, just the short version, and she told me his screen name. I told her he is a friend of mine and that I used to work with him, and that HNK (who couldn’t make the 'Femme Date' that night) was good friends with him. She asked a few questions, and mentioned nothing more. Come to find out a week later, give or take a couple days, that her 'reader' had asked her out on a date, and she was gathering info (I gathered. :) ) Apparently they had hit it off so well through comments on schmen.com that they were off on a blind date! I was like, whoa! So, of course, I snooped through her blog posts to see for myself. And low and behold, there it was. The comments back and forth in such a flirty fashion that would make any car lover blush (if you know them, you know what I'm saying). It was the cutest flirting by written word, ever.

Long story short, they became inseparable. I got to grow closer to my new blog buddy and they announced their engagement on February 14th! Just today, they announced the date of the celebration! The minute I received the notice, I plugged it into my calendar. I truly have to say that they are meant to be. I am confident that if they didn’t find each other through my measly blog, that they would have run into each other at the grocery store or through a fender bender on the corner while admiring each other’s car. They deserve the happiness they bring each other and the differences between them that make them better people. I am so happy for you both, and I cannot wait to help celebrate your love!

So, my blog has created one love match. I still am so in awe by this.
I have about a 100% success rate. Maybe I should take over eHarmony, or start my own matchmaker show. It could work!

Incident Report

2009-04-10T22:56:00.003-04:00

I had recently sent out a request to friends asking for ideas to write about, since my life seems so utterly boring these days. Someone said to write about my customers. Truthfully, most of my customers who come in the store are great. There are a few wacky people, and who isn’t, and there are some who are horrible people.

So, I take her advice, and will write about a customer I had on Thursday. I might warn you, that this won’t be pretty because I really hope this guy gets the book thrown at him to the highest degree.

A man and wife with their 1 year old child came into the store. There were some bills and paperwork and he told me why he was there. From the get go, I knew what he was telling me was a lie, but I looked at the letter from corporate, the bill and began trying to understand why he was there. While I was looking down at my paperwork, the woman had set the baby on the chair in front of my computer. The man said something to make me look up, and the minute I did, he hauled off and smacked the baby across the face. I mean he slapped him like an adult would smack another adult. I honestly don’t know how I can put how I felt at that moment into words. I gasped extremely loud while my hand involuntarily went to my heart and my eyes were as wide with shock as they possibly could have been. I stared in disbelief for what seemed like a million years. When I looked at the mother and still without being able to speak, she just shyly looked down. I could not speak. I was seeing red. The baby did NOTHING. I mean didn’t even make a sound. WHY? Why did this man do this? I couldn’t ask, I couldn’t speak. When I looked back at this cowardly piece of shit, he continued to talk to me about his problem and why he was there, as if NOTHING had happened. He very obviously didn’t think he did ANYTHING wrong!

I was in shock, and didn’t know what to do. I got him out of the store as quickly as possible. I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t you say something to him? Why didn’t you tell him to leave? Why didn’t you smack him across the face or kick him in the balls? The fact is, I was on autopilot, and had no idea what I was doing or saying and truth be told; if you told ME this happened, and that you couldn’t say anything, I totally would say "if that were ME, I'd say___ fill in the blank" I would think I would too, but it didn’t happen, I couldn’t function and I had to make him leave the store as fast as possible. I have been struggling with this since. Why didn’t I tell him off? The point is, no one knows what they'd really do in this situation. But I did do something..

When he left, I immediately contacted a manager from another store in my market. My manager had the day off and I needed answers. What is our policy for this? What should I say? What do I have the 'right' to say? He was amazing, and got on this immediately. I spoke with the head of security and loss prevention for our market, and he found the incident on video camera. My co-worker who was working all the way at the other side of the store, and heard the slap down there, got his license plate number. See, we didn’t have HIS name, because he was in the store trying to close out his 'cousins' account. Can I tell you what the baby did to "deserve" this ghastly smack? The Loss Prevention manager while reviewing the tape told me. The baby touched his father’s belt. That’s it. That’s all. The baby cried for a millisecond like he was used to being smacked and if he continued to cry, he would get it again. I am horrified just writing this.

I talked more to the manager assisting me, because I was so upset, distraught, and horrified. He insisted that I did the right thing and that I handled myself appropriately and commendably. As I'm sure you gather the rest of my shift, I was a mess, and couldn’t wait to leave. On my way home MY manager called me. He read the email string that had been going back and forth with the other manager, security, and myself and wanted to make sure I was ok. Thank you for that. He as well, assured me I did everything right.

I can’t even put into words how I feel. You hear about these things, and you see them on TV and in the movies, but it’s so different when you see it in front of your face. I am terrified for this child. I am terrified for this woman. I am grateful for security cameras and that the LP manager was able to transfer the incident on a disk and will be handing this off to the proper authorities.

Hey, the Barn Door is Open...Made Ya Look!

2009-04-07T19:19:00.013-04:00

I got to play an April Fool’s Day prank this year! Oh the joy it brought me. I love to play little jokes on people, and this was perfect. I worked in the store on April Fools Eve. Myself and my co-worker decided to get our manager good. The best part of the prank is to see the persons face. I didn’t work the next day, so I missed out on the shock and awe and confusion and awesomeness. Me and my co-worker were talking and texting all morning waiting for the call of laughter, but alas, it never came. I figured out that part of the revenge to us, was to not 'acknowledge' the prank. As fellow pranksters know, most of the gratification comes from the response and the shared laughter. I was denied this, but I still feel amazing, and snicker to myself whenever I look at the pictures. I know my day will come, and I am frightened of what revenge will be bestowed upon me. I'm sure I'll get it good, and to tell you the truth, I look forward to it. Baahahahahhaha.

The story in pictures below:

DATE: April 1, 2009
Place: The desk of Manager Jon

This is just the beginning

The Finished Product

AND.....Taped over the toilet

Rant du Jour--Saturday Evening Church Session

2009-03-21T22:11:00.004-04:00

Can I express to you how much I loved the Movie 'Religulous'? I honestly thought it was hilarious, brilliant, and asked all of the questions I ask to myself anytime I hear someone talk about a religion. Religion is one of those things that people get so passionate about, and most times up in arms about. As we all know, it’s a topic not to be discussed on first dates, first time meeting the parents, and numerous other occasions. I think that is just silly, but people take their beliefs so seriously, that they think you are belittling or degrading them personally when you question what they believe and why they believe it. So, I will approach it here, because basically, I dont care if you disagree with me.

There are lots of people who can’t tell you why they believe what they believe. This case, usually, in my own opinion, is because it’s how they were raised, and they never questioned why so it must be true and the only way to think. Others find 'the truth' through their journey in life. It could have been a near death incident, or a circle of friends, or enlightenment of some kind, or even 'the calling'.

Whichever however you came to believe, I don’t fault anyone for believing what they believe. What I fault, however, are those claiming to be living 'the word' of their "God", yet criticizing others for believing or doing things against 'THIER word'.

I had recently made a comment in response to a comment on a social networking site, regarding President Obama. It was originally about his Leno spot, and turned into a dispute of his "supposed Christianity". Look, he claims to be a Christian, believe him, and if you don’t, who really cares? He isn’t berating YOUR religion. The comment was in response to his Special Olympics snafu on Leno (by the way, get a grip, like you never slipped and said something like that?). So this was a perfect time for someone else to mention that President Obama claims (in quotes) to be a Christian, yet is pro abortion, bla bla bla, and this person will stand before God and give to him a list of sins. Ok. Here is my problem. I know MANY Christian people who are pro-choice and/or have had an abortion. If everyone's God is a forgiving God then these people, whether or not they think they have sinned will ALSO stand before the 'gates' and account for their 'sins'. It’s not 1856, its 2009. Christians, whatever your definitition, can be prochoice or Pro Life. So can Jews, so can Muslims. It happens. It happened. Because of the growing times.

I know people who do not believe in abortion. That is OK. This is their view. They don’t however, put down and tell those who are pro choice that they are immoral and basically horrible people. They have their view and accept others views. As I do, EXCEPT when it’s thrown in faces like above.

So, in response to my comment basically saying they shouldn’t judge people for doing or believing in something other than what they do, and they aren’t really being 'Christian-like', I was done. But no, this self righteous stranger went further but to stand on a web box to quote (or so I think) scripture that makes no sense to me. Fine, you rebutted, and I left you alone, except writing this blog that you will never see because I have no idea who you are. The original posting was a friend of mine who has strong religious views, but is respectful, mature, and intelligent about it. That I accept and that I appreciate.

There are so many different beliefs and 'truths' out there. I have no idea which one, if any are the real truth and there is no way of knowing. We all know I'm not religious, if you didn’t; now you do. Your own faith in what you believe will get you where you go and help guide you through your life, but some people need to let other people live their lives the way their faith guides them, without criticisms. What would Jesus do? I've never met the guy, but I'm guessing he probably did or would not criticize people...at least from what I've heard of Jesus.

And now, I step off my web box.

If you haven’t heard of 'Religulous', The Documentary, here is a preview.

Watch your Back, Always

2009-03-02T21:40:00.003-05:00

I'd like to throw out a PSA, if I may. This actually happened to my cousin, and I want to share with my readers, just to make you aware, not to scare you. Although, to be honest, I myself, have become more aware, and probably a little more paranoid, but better than not.

A couple of weeks ago my cousin was attacked in her own driveway. It was about 12:30am, and she couldn’t sleep, so she decided to run up to the gas station at the end of her side street. When she came back, she locked the door to her pickup truck and someone grabbed her by the back of her hair, slammed her face into the bed of the truck, causing her to fall to the ground. She was pinned down on the ground by the attacker with his/her knees, and was wedged in between the brick of her house, and her truck. When she tried to move, he/she took her head and slammed it into the ground (face down) and ground her face into the gravel. Her arm and hand with her keys were pinned underneath her. This heartless person took her wallet. She saw stars, and saw headlights pull into her driveway...and that was the last thing she remembered. She has no idea how long she was there on the ground. When she finally came to, and went in the house, and looked at herself in the mirror, is when she freaked out and called the police. Because she didn’t see the person, there is not much the police can do at this point to find her attacker. She lives in an area that is not well known for crime.

I am not trying to freak you out, just to make you aware to watch your surroundings a little more carefully. We all take for granted sometimes, when we are going into a store, or coming home late at night that we are safe in our own driveways. She had a knife on her keychain, however, as I said, it was pinned under her, she couldn’t use it. I heard this from her, right after I saw on the news, that there is a man in my city getting into women's cars and hiding (mostly this happened with this man in gas stations), and then putting a knife to their throats to drive, and then he robs them. I already always lock my doors while in the gas station and prompt my passenger to do so if I leave the car. But please, also always look in your backseat and lock your doors even when you’re in it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and hopefully made you a little aware. Share this with people you know. This isn’t only for women, because Men could become victims as well.

Dream a Little Dream For Me

2009-02-15T12:09:00.004-05:00

I don’t know about you, but I love dreams. I love to dream, I hope to dream. My dreams are so interesting to me. They are weird, they are scary sometimes, and they are also sometimes so real, which kind of freaks me out but is so cool at the same time. I dream (no pun intended) of the day where I can record my dreams as I wrote HERE. For now, I can only remember or write them down and search out the meaning to what I can’t stop thinking of when I wake up from what I concocted or foresaw in my slumber.

Last night I dreamt in choppy nonsense as normal, but a few items stand out in my mind. I have a dream 'dictionary' but usually, I am not happy with the interpretation. You can only look up one word, not a situation. But nonetheless, I looked anyhow. The meaning of my dreams last night looks grim for matters of the heart, but ok for finance, and apparently I will find a lost valuable item.

I dreamt of an estranged Aunt while driving in a car with her. Apparently to dream of an Aunt means "success in money matters". Driving apparently means "Discovery of lost valuables". This doesn’t sound so grim. But when I looked up picnic there were several interpretations. It wasn’t quite a picnic, but I was eating lunch outside with someone who will remain nameless, and here is the interps of the vague picnic. "Danger through a secret. False friends are gossiping about you. Doubtful results in love affairs." There was nothing about holding hands. When I put the situation into an online dream analyzer, it basically told me that the situation is actually just what I wish would happen and in fact doesn’t really mean much as far as diving into deep meaning. Well, there you go. The age old debate of dreams. Means something? Just unconscious thinking? I don’t know either. I wish I did.

So as I was looking up just these couple of items my daily horoscope came through. Here it is as it reads. "You are more than intuitive enough fill in any blanks and connect the dots today." So, the stars are saying to put down my dream book.

The Great Pot-Hole-io

2009-02-14T22:55:00.001-05:00

All I have to say right now is, what is up with the roads in the Detroit area? I mean, how are they all like mini dirt roads because they are all pot-holed up?
I'm just sayin...

Another List, Cause this Lady gots Writers Block

2009-02-03T21:39:00.004-05:00

Things I am wishing for or thinking about right now:

1. I wish I could control my cravings during PMS.
2. I wish that financials would be more comfortable. Not only for me, but for everyone.
3. I wish that my cat was not bitchy to visitors.
4. I wish that he was available.
5. I wish my salsa socials were a success.
6. I wish I could jet off to Vegas with my friend.
7. I wish I qualified for the First Time Homeowners Tax Credit
8. I hope my friend going through her ordeal at the hospital today is ok.
9. I hope Jared Jeweler comes up with a new ad campaign.
10. I Hope everything works out for the best with a situation that I am waiting on.
11. I wish that tax commercial for HR Block with the Cyclops' would never have aired. It’s just creepy.
12. I hope I can sleep tonight, even though I am very tired.
13. I hope I am not too lazy to start using the free work out programs on the On Demand channel.
14. I hope I don’t have to see people in love on Valentine’s Day. Or actually, I hope I forget its Valentine’s Day all together that day.
15. I hope you’re not bored with this post, cause I kind of am.

Ni-Night. Actually I'm off to watch Law and Order SVU. I heart it, and I heart Detective Stabler. Yup, I do.

25 Random Facts About Yours Truly

2009-01-30T00:16:00.003-05:00

Since this is the newest Facebook trend, I thought I'd share here. Have at it.

1. I am uncontrollably terrified of flying insects with stingers. It’s an involuntary response for me to shake uncontrollably and run.

2. Even though I say I can care less about love, I really do want to know what that means and feels like from someone other than a family member or friend.

3. I have a fear of success for fear that I will fail. It’s been with me my entire life, and thankfully now, I am brave enough to know that even if I do fail, it’s not the end of the world. And actually for the first time in my life, I am incredibly comfortable at my jobs and do not second guess my work because I am genuinely appreciated.

4. I don’t truly believe that a 17 year old should necessarily know what they want to be when they grow up and that it’s OK to take some time before enrolling in college if at all.

5. I am Italian/Sicilian. I am fiery and hot headed at times. But that’s not really random because I’m sure you all know that.

6. I wish I spoke with a cool accent. And sometimes I talk to myself in my head in a cool accent.

7. I cannot sit still or pay full attention for very long in a seminar/meeting/classroom situation.

8. I wish that I could have an apparatus that would tape record my dreams. I am obsessed with remembering them, and I can remember F'd up ones for a really long time.

9. If I could, I would be a travel writer. I would like to write a script (I actually have a few ideas). I would like to write a book, and I would like to make comedy shorts with my video camera.

10. I create nicknames for virtually everyone I know or don’t know and call these people by their nicknames to where my friends may only know them by that name. It’s not always necessarily mean spirited, although sometimes it is. It’s just what I do.

11. I love it when I can make someone laugh; it’s the best thing ever.

12. I have an incredible knack for getting vibes off people. I know if your schiestery and I know if you’re a good person.

13. It is incredibly hard to surprise me.

14. I can sleep all day if you let me.

15. I still have my Christmas decor up and am too lazy to take it down.

16. I hate the sound of Enrique Iglesias’s voice.

17. I wonder if when you see the commercials for "Feed the Poor" or "sponsor a child" the crew in that country shooting footage sponsored or fed that community.

18. I can’t watch trailers for scary movies when I am home alone. I have to turn my head and distract myself.

19. I love bacon.

20. I wish my face looked like Jennifer Lopez or Eva Mendez. I just think they are gorgeous.

21. I hate baths. They gross me out and will never ever take one. Showers only.

22. I worked in Walt Disney World when I was in college on an internship

23. I wish I could sing.

24. If I paid for my heat, my bill would be astronomical.

25. This random fact listing thing was harder than I thought it would be.

FYI

2009-01-19T01:50:00.002-05:00

FYI...Tool Academy is still the best show ever!

Only Me

2009-01-16T18:13:00.002-05:00

A customer came into the store last night. It was another weirdo customer. I actually thought it was a homeless man about to come in to warm up or ask for cocoa or slice us up, so I put a box cutter in my pocket. I thought this because he rode up on a bike, and it looked like he had a dirty unkempt beard. Turns out he was just a crazy weirdo riding his bike around in subzero dangerous temperatures, with a scarf around his face. My co-worker M, had recognized him (?), and so she helped him out, bla bla bla. Meantime, a regular customer came in, spoke to me for about 4minutes, and left. Meanwhile, bike boy was a-hangin out chit chattin. Great. So, after the other customer left, he asked me if that was my boyfriend. Odd. So, I said no, and looked at him kinda strange, because I loudly asked that customer how his girlfriend was and to tell her I said hello.

Anyhoo, apparently without me seeing (which is amazing because I catch on to these things usually) he was trying to ask M, if I had a boyfriend because I am so gorgeous (his words, not mine). She started laughing because it looked like I saw this transaction transpire. I had went into the back room for a millisecond, came back out and she turns to me and says "So, How long have you been with Scott now? 10 years?". I almost threw up. My face wretched, and I could feel the involuntary distortion happening in my face in slow motion. I finally caught on, that she was just saying that to make him get a hint. For those of you who don’t know, Scott is one of my Ex's. He is a nightmare and pretty much a stalker psycho, and I had gone through years and years of issues with him post break up. Like 7 of them or so. SOOOO< you could imagine my horror and what my face did when she said THAT name! But I caught on in time, and played along. No wonder my stomach is still horrifyingly queasy today.

When he FINALLY left, I asked her why in the eff she would use THAT name of ALL names in the world. It was the only one she could think of. OMG, I about had a stroke in that store at that moment. I so wish I had a camera to see how disgusted my face must have looked. So, now every time he comes in, as far as he knows, I am married to that person. Oh-My-Gawd. Even the pretending thought makes me ill. I think I'd rather make up a nasty divorce and let bike boy take me on a date. I call the handle bars!!

My Future Husband has Friends?

2009-01-12T01:20:00.004-05:00

My future husband is back with a new song, well, another everyday normal song...
I heart him anyways. Watch till the end, if you know his stuff as well as I do, he says what your thinking at the end. :)

Everyday Normal Crew (Jon Lajoie) - watch more funny videos

Tool Academy

2009-01-11T23:09:00.009-05:00

There is a new guilty pleasure to watch on VH1. Ever since I got my cable back, I've been lost as to what to watch anymore, but I've found my groove again. My guilty pleasure --reality TV shows on cable TV.

The newest show to hit the VH1 Sunday night Reality lineup is Tool Academy. It’s right after the millionth Rock of Love season with the ever aging horrid Bret Michaels trying to find love amongst a clan of skanks.

Tool Academy is for my amusement and appaulment at the way Tools, (AKA Douche Bags, AKA DBs, AKA Deebs, AKA Baggers, AKA Smarm Schiester McFarsons) act, treat their girlfriends, and think they are God's gift. It’s quite amusing, and it only justifies my irritation and total hatred towards men, (term used lightly,) like this.

Let me back up a moment. If you dont know what a tool, Douch bag, DB, Deeb, Bagger, or a Smarm Sheister McFarson is, I will explain in the simplest terms. This is the dude you see in the club possibly without a shirt on, or if he does, its unbuttoned down to his belly button, or its a skin tight white cotton tee shirt, white 'dress' shoes, over plucked eyebrows, obvious really fake tan, has hair jelled and spiked out horrifyingly terrible ala the Gotti Brothers, thinks he's God's gift, wears sunglasses at night, drinks vodka and redbull/jaeger bombs, loud mouthed, and is hitting on all the women in the club. Oh, and they say "bro" a lot. There, that may have cleared it up a bit.

The premise of the show is that the 'tools' think they are going to be on a show called 'Mr. Awesome' competing for the title of...dum du dunnnn, "Mr. Awesome" and will walk away with a handsome sum of money. They embarrass themselves on national television acting like the Deebs that they are in a catwalk show, and in interviews putting down their girlfriends, admitting, er rather, bragging about how often they cheat on their girlfriends, and etc, etc, etc. Well, little do these tool-bags know, their girlfriends are watching EVERYTHNG.

When the tools are told the brutal truth, that they are on a show called 'Tool Academy' and not to be competing on who is the 'awesomest', they are disgruntled, embarrassed and scared for their lives as their girlfriends walk through the door peering at them with death looks. Oh ya, but whoever wins 'Tool Academy' still gets a handsome sum of money.

The couples go through group couple therapy sessions, compete in challenges that test their skills on communications, romance, and more. Each week a tool gets eliminated, which means they are too much of a tool to want to change into a person with integrity and feeling, and the girlfriend of that tool has to decide at that time, weather it’s the last straw and to stay with or dump the sorry bastard.

It’s so great. These idiots are still in the mode of not loosing face on television, so they act out in reality television heaven. Tonight was the first episode, and many of the girls found out about their infidelity and how the tools felt about their "bottom bitches" as one tool called his girlfriend of 9 years. One tool actually bragged about how he had trained his girlfriend to do all the housework, while she was watching this in front of him and everyone else.

Sorry, yea, other people’s horrid experiences are entertaining, why do you think they put the show on the air? To entertain us so we can scream at the television in horror at the sorry excuses for men and scream at the women wondering what in the hell they are doing with these men anyways. The first guy that got the boot tonight was in their opinion the biggest deeb of them all, he actually got his stupid ass girlfriend to not dump him and leave with him. Talk about dumb asses. Grow a pair! When she asked him why he wanted to make it work when he (not convincingly) said he wanted to be with her if she did, he said "don’t worry about it". Oh? Um, swoooon? Let’s get married. Friggin dumb dumb. Go find yourself a respectable man.

Here's the VH1 trailer to get you acquainted with the show. Yay! Another avenue to make fun of and hopefully make all Tools and DBs feel like the friggin embarrassment that they are.

Consumer Profiling

2009-01-11T00:56:00.003-05:00

I love my new job. It makes for great stories and good convo, well in my opinion at least. My team, which I have labeled, "My Femmes and Jon" are hilarious and we have so much fun and already inside jokes together. Some of the funniest things come from the customers, so stay tuned to hear some stories. I'll start here...

One day me, V, and J were working, and I was upfront re-arranging some phones per the merchandise planner. A customer walked through the door, so of course, I greeted him. He informed me his is from the gym down the street, and was going into the local businesses to pass out free 1-week passes, and let people know the new gym was there. Well, he pretty much ignored my co-workers and focused his attention, smile, and fervor on me. V walked away, and gave me a little 'mm hmmm' look and wink and as J was walking out the door gave me a weird smile thumbs up. I ignored them obviously as best I could. We talked about the gym, and the new store we just opened up. We exchanged pleasantries, he took some flyers for our grand opening to take to the gym, and gave me some tips to contact leads for sales. It was all and all a friendly little chat.

When he left, V and J both mentioned that the dude was into me. I laughed out loud. So, in the past year, I've gotten a bit chunkier. I don’t feel like I'm hideous, but I know I need to hit the treadmill about now. So, they were totally convinced this guy was all about me. I looked at them and said, 'don’t you think that it’s a coincidence that he focused his attention like that on the chunky girl in the store? He wants to target his customer!!!' They pish poshed me and walked away, but seriously folks. J and V are not at all chunky, so I was the target of the gym membership; he hit the gold mine when he walked into the door. Now if only I had the time to get to the gym....and by time, I mean not being lazy and getting up early.

Bada Boom, Bada Taxes.

2009-01-02T17:59:00.003-05:00

Um...why? I just saw this comercial on TV. Apparently it won the 'submission contest'...
I'm mildly offended. Ok, not really, just offended by how this makes not a whole lot o' sense to me being a comercial for taxes.

Happy Festivus Everyone!

2008-12-25T20:15:00.004-05:00

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chrismahanakwanzica.
Whatever you celebrate:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM DATELESS IN DETROIT!

I have nothing really to report other than I am stuffed to oblivion with holiday delights such as roast, cheesy potatoes, chip and dip, summer sausage, Italian sausage, cookies, and more; over the past few days. Give me a minute to recuperate physically from the 'stuffed sausage' syndrome, and I'll be back.

Well, maybe just a little bit... On Christmas day, I like to do nothing. Not. one. thing. Except open my presents, then nothing. Leave me be, let me nap on and off all day, play with my toys, nap, eat, and nap. Today I did exactly that. I played with, well, my brother's new drum kit for Guitar Hero, I ate obscene amounts of food, I napped, watched Back to the Future II, (I like Back to the Future, but the Second one was betta ~Jon Lajoie), I watched a bit of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, fell asleep during Rocky whichever, and ate again. Perfect. Now I am home, and will be watching some movies I got from Santa. Specifically, 'The Outsiders' (hells ya, holla back to the 80's), and SATC, yea! I really want to watch Elf though. I should have snatched it from the 'rents house before I left.

Again, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday spending it with those who matter most and may you have everything your heart desires from Santa.

The Embarrassment Curse. #3, I'm Ready...Bring It

2008-12-17T23:19:00.006-05:00

We all know that things happen in 3's. Well, you might not be much superstitious, but I am in that respect. I believe creepy things happen in 3's, accidents happen in 3's, and embarrassing things happen in 3's. So, I'm on number 2. I just want number 3 to come and go already.

Number One:
I bit the dust...again. I know about a year ago I wrote an entry about hitting the pavement face first. It was just as embarrassing this time, as it was then. This past Friday, I stopped at a gas station to grab something to drink. I got a 20oz of Diet Pepsi, and was on my way to the car. I had to park at a pump because there were no spots open. Before I knew it I was skidding across the pavement on my left knee and right hand. Oh ya, I also made that "OOF" sound as my body smacked against the cold ground. My bottle went flying, and I just laid there for a minute. I looked around briefly only to realize that no one was around. YES! I pick myself up slowly as to make sure I haven’t injured myself, and hobble into my car. I check my pants for blood and/or rips, and move my wrist around. We're all good, just traumatized by the incident...until...I see several cars with people in them around my vicinity. Oh, I'm sure laughter was loud in those vehicles. Anyways, that is always embarrassing no matter what. I would have totally laughed at me too.

Number Two:
This happened tonight. I was in a rush to get to the studio tonight to teach my class, so I ran in my room, pulled on a pair of jeans from my pile of clothes and ran out of the house. I made it to the studio, and only the owner was there yet. I was playing with her dog, as one of the older tango couples came in. We were all talking, and the owner says "Who brought socks in here?", so I walk over, thinking one of the older couple brought socks with their dance shoes. OMG, no, it was MY sock from inside of my jeans. See, I wore those jeans on Sunday to my holiday party for work, and when I got home, I just took off the jeans and the socks at the same time, so the sock was caught in the leg of the pants. It must have wriggled itself free while I was walking around the studio. So, that’s not the best part. The best part is when the older lady says "Oh, there is the other one!" and as I walk over to retrieve it, I realize in fact that it is not the other sock. Sitting on the floor about 4 feet away from her husband is my pair of purple lace tanga style panties. I was about to say "oh, that isn’t a sock" but thankfully I shut my mouth in time to snatch the underwear up immediately pretending it was the other sock. I hurry up and put them in the bottom of my purse. Could you IMAGINE if there were more people there? Could you IMAGINE if we didn’t notice and class started and someone picked them up and was like "What is this?" I can tell you what I would have done. Deny deny deny. Remember the time I told you I did that in 6th grade camp. Yep, I'd totally deny again and again.
Thank goodness I wore a good pair Sunday evening and not some old grimy pair that are falling apart.

So, now I am waiting for #3 to roll around. What could it possibly be? A fart in front of a hot guy? Forgetting to take the underwear out of my purse and fall out on the counter while paying for something? Yea, I better go take care of that right now.

I Met My Future Husband. All Hail!

2008-12-15T22:47:00.004-05:00

Exciting news. I attended the Jon Lajoie concert and in fact met my future husband! I still do believe he doesn’t know that he is my future husband yet, but either or, it’s true. The show was downtown Detroit, and was awesome. In fact, me and my two gals were in the 5% of the girls that were there. Not that I expected anything less, but Jon Lajoie is the thing young college boys are made of. No, I dont want to marry a young frat boy, but just the same, I love, heart, and will marry my Jon one day.
It started with Every Day Normal Guy:

He told jokes and sang songs:

And then the awaited moment. My meeting. I was really actually nervous and didn’t know what to say. I know, I know, it was my big chance. I became incredibly tongue tied. Well, the great thing is that I believe he knew who I was by this blog. Since I feature him a lot, I'm sure he's been this route before. When I told him, he did do the smile/laugh, nod, combo. Yea! Well, I could be terribly wrong, but I'd like to think he knew. Wink.

I will repost with better pictures once HNK sends me them from her camera, which turned out better. But I didn’t want to hold out on you for much longer!

I am more smitten than ever. The highlight of my year. Shut up, no, I am not having a bad year!

Father of the Dateless

2008-11-25T22:02:00.004-05:00

So, lately I've been in a funk, nothing to write about, although I've been too busy to write and nothing of note really has happened to me that I haven’t already let you know of. But I realized something when talking with HNK the other night. Well, I guess I have been realizing these things for a bit, so now it’s time to share.

These days I have been anti dating, anti relationships (for me, not others) and now, I think I might be ready and open enough to start again. How? I don’t even know where to start. Online dating is not my forte, never has been, so I’m not sure where I am going to meet such dates, but I think now, I do want to let someone into my life. My hectic, crazy ass busy life. Oh well, its how the cookie crumbles, right?

I have some more confidence, as now with the new gig; I am able to be able again. At my new (awesome) job, I almost daily receive compliments from my manager. No, not smarmy compliments. For instance. Out of the blue, I’ll receive a text saying "Stacey, you’re a real asset to the company and our team." That to me is amazing, and I love being recognized when I am awesome. Who doesn’t? With the new gig, I have been designated social director, if you will. I joined us into the chamber of commerce for our area, and will be the face of the store at networking events. Perhaps this will lead to romance. Even if it’s not the long term, I need to get back into the game. I of course would never disrespect or embarrass my company or myself, but it’s an avenue, right?

So, with that being said, we (HNK and I) were talking about how maybe we might be single. I said I think that we have reverse daddy issues. See, our dads are awesome. They are amazing men. Men that you do not find much anymore. We grew up seeing how they would do anything for our mothers, and especially for us. We were never told no, and neither were our mothers. We are used to a man to be accommodating and doting to a woman. I am not saying by ANY means that it means "gimme gimme gimme" and when we are told no, it’s a travesty. I am not saying that they disrespect themselves in the process either. No. What I mean is that they would do anything for us, so in some respect, we expect a potential boyfriend to do the same. When they don’t, it is alarming, and we feel pissed off or like we are being rejected. We are not used to "no, I cannot come over and snake your drains." What? What do you mean no! My dad has told me and engrained in my head to never count on any man, except for him. However, still, I know that I want a man like him. Someone who will go grocery shopping with me every time, who will sit in the mall while I have my spa day, who will go with me even when I say no, but really mean yes. One who will not even think twice about driving me to the airport or coming to meet me at work for a 30 minute lunch.

Of course, this goes both ways, and when I am in a relationship I am totally in it when I really feel it. I will do those things for him too. My last relationship was more me than him. I took off work several times and rearranged my schedule to drive him back and forth to the airport when his family needed him. I remembered that he metioned he didn’t have this or that, and when I was out, picked it up for him. I made sure I was available to see him when I could, and yes, I expected the same from him. It didn’t end because I didn’t get it, but it would have been a problem if it continued.

What I am saying is basically what I am looking for in a man. I am not looking for someone to kiss my ass. Quite the opposite. I like it when I'm called out on my bullshit, as I do the same. I just hope that these types of awesome men, like our dads, are not extinct and love is not lost. I refuse to settle anyways, so I may remain single for the rest of my life, which is OK. Perhaps all men ARE like this, only when they really love the person they are with. So until then, I will keep searching for the one that I really love and who honest to God loves me too.

I will finally see my future husband in the flesh!

2008-11-21T22:03:00.004-05:00

OK, now I have something incredibly exciting to share! My future husband, Jon Lajoie is FINALLY coming to The Magic Stick in Detroit next month for a show! I already bought tickets and am going to be impatiently waiting for December 9th!!!!!

The Gods are looking down upon me!

The Attractive Girls Union

2008-11-21T21:35:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, I havent been around much lately. As you know, I've picked up that third job, and am deep in working every day. I've also had the pleasure of being deathly ill for a while and just now coming to normalcy. Nothing of importance or interest has really happened lately to share, so I wont bore you with nothingness. I'll give you this video that was sent to me. I found it pretty funny, and alarmingly true. Enjoy!

History That has Forever Changed Our Nation

2008-11-07T00:15:00.004-05:00

It's happened. Barack Obama won the race for President of the United States. (DUH, we all know this by now, right). I was working the night of the elections, and I raced home to turn on my TV to watch the coverage. I thought for sure I'd be up until 3am waiting for the outcome. My jaw dropped as I saw how close to 270 electoral votes Obama was in comparison to McCain. I knew the answer before it was even announced. When they finally revealed that Obama had kicked McCain’s arse all over the town, I cried with joy and pride and inspiration. I cried for history has been made and I made a point to remember every little detail about where I was that day, what I was doing at that moment, what sounds I heard outside, and what smells I smelled. I cried for the milestone that was made for minorities in this country. I cried happy tears with everyone on TV. I am so proud.

I watched McCain’s Concession speech and it left me with a respect for him as a gracious opponent who lost the game. I liked that when his supporters actually booed the new President of the United States that he hushed them up. I liked that even though he ran against Obama, that he declared his support for his President. I also liked that we didn’t have to hear from Sarah Palin.

I sat on the edge of my couch waiting to hear from our new Prez. When he came on the screen, I cried with joy again. Here it is below if you missed it. It is one that will go down in history forever and ever.

This election was not only history for the USA, but globally as well. People all over the world were glued to their TVs or radios awaiting an outcome. I am so touched that as we rejoiced, the world rejoiced with us. The USA has become a nation in which other countries have lost respect for. Bush did not seem to care about international relations and in response to that, our country has been looked upon in a negative way. No, not everyone will love us, but the humanitarian side of our country has escaped us for the last 8 years. Barack Obama has given new hope around the world and world leaders hope to establish a new connection and mend a 'broken relationship' with the USA. Check out this article titled Obama Sparks Victories and Cheers from Around the Globe.
I am not sure how the next 4-8 years will pan out. I do know to be patient. 4 years is not a long time to get everything you want to get done, not even 8 years. But it’s a start to something. A something that is good, and that will inspire next generations of Presidential candidates to come.

I leave you with the words of our new President:
"This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can."

The Day Before One of the Most Important Days in History in Our Lifetime

2008-11-03T22:55:00.003-05:00

I can’t wait to vote. Like, seriously, I can’t wait. I have never even really wanted to vote as I thought "eh, no one really applies to ME". But on the evening before the polls open, I am nervous, excited, and thrilled to witness and be a part of history. I'm sure you've guessed that my pick for the next President of the United States of America is Barack Obama, but if tragedy strikes forth for me tomorrow, and McCain wins, history has still been made. Regardless of race and sex of the candidates and their running mate, though, is still a historical time. Never can I remember our nation so enthralled and excited about a presidential race. Maybe I just never paid attention, but this is it folks, tomorrow.

The past 8 years have been something all of us have talked about and complained about. I even voted for Bush the first time around. Yes, I know...I did, but so did the majority of the people. Like I said, I didn’t know much better. I did my research about 2 days ahead of time, and was not incredibly informed. Four years ago, I happily did NOT vote again for W. What made me say HMMMM today was the price of gas. I hadn’t needed to fill up the tank in a while, so I don’t normally pay attention to the price unless I absolutely have to. Today I didn’t fill up, but went to CVS right next door to my neighborhood Speedway. I did a quadruple take. The unleaded price was $1.99. It was UNDER $2 a gallon. OMG, this is a miracle! But then my cynical side took a turn in my head. It’s the day before the election to replace the hell and crap that has run our country for 8 years. Someone we blame for high gas prices...get my drift? Now the price of gas is suddenly under $2 on the day before he is ousted from that huge White House. Something to look back on and say positively about him? "Hey, he wasn’t that bad; by the end of his run he got gas prices down."? Makes me wonder. HOWEVER...not complaining. I just hope it stays this way when I need/afford gas.

Back to my excitement about this election. No matter who you are voting for, what is important is that you have the voice to make your decision and have a hand in contributing to the better of the country. I am urging everyone to vote for Obama, but I know that there are McCain supporters, and that is your choice, your God given right by this country. I am voting for Obama because I agree in his position on most of the issues. I believe that he will work for the middle class. I believe that more than ever, our country needs that. I work 3 jobs, and meet so many people who are even worse off than I am with families, who need someone who supports them. I am inspired by his enthusiasm and compassion for what is important. More than once, a tear has escaped from my eye when he speaks of his plans for change. I am hopeful and I want change in this country, my country, my life.

Through my excitement also lies a layer of fear. I am a complete Obama supporter, but there is always the fear...did I make the right decision? Whatever will be will be, but all I know in my heart of hearts is that we need a change in the way things are being done. Its time. Please, please go out and cast your votes tomorrow in what YOU believe in.

Crustomer Service

2008-10-25T22:16:00.003-04:00

Well, not the WORSE ever, but bad.
I really don’t mean to go on and on about this, but I had to call customer service (yes again) on my car lease today. They tried telling me I had late fees, and I was flabbergasted how. So I call. I get someone in this country this time, however....the rudest individual ever to work customer service. I calmly and nicely asked how I have a late fee when I paid this month and paid my late fee from last month. He is trying to tell me that my payment THAT WAS RECIEVED this month is not being counted. Um? Really? How does that work, and also that my late fee payment last month was never recorded toward the late fee cause it wasn’t sent in with a paper bill. Really? Then WHY is your company allowing me to "pay it now" online and opt me out of paper bills to be more eco-friendly? Can you explain this to me "Jason"?

So, when I start to challenge what he is saying, he prompts me that he cannot look into my account and that XYZ Company will be in on Monday. UM? Your looking in my account right NOW Jason, why is it you can’t seem to tell me where it is that you are saying I am a month behind. THIS is where he gets real snippy with me. The tone of his voice turned into "I JUST told YOU, bla bla bla, MAAAAAAAAM." Oh kay. This is where my head bobbin starts and my 'oh no you didn’t' finger started going off. He continues to be a big snot pants to me, so I ask for a manager. He puts me on hold for a millisecond, comes back and says: "He's on the line maaaaaaam". So I say, "ok... Hello?" Jason is still there and says "um Yea..Hello". So I say, "Um, Is your manager on the line?" He says "He is on the line". I tell him I can’t hear his manager only him, and he has the nerve to pretty much YELL AT ME...”HE IS ON THE LINE!" I said "OMG, IS HE ON ANOTHER CALL THEN? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME HE IS ON THE LINE WHEN HE IS ON ANOTHER LINE?" So this idiot takes my number and says said manager will call me back. Do you think this happened? NO. I didn’t figure Jason would be telling his manager I even needed to talk to him.

Turns out I don't need their help in finding my error, because I found it for myself (DAMN! I thought I was caught up on bills!) BUT I will be calling to give them a piece of my mind about their horrible employee and suggest that they may want to consider giving the job to one of the millions of people out there who actually WANT to work.

Even Greedier

2008-10-17T23:34:00.003-04:00

Get this. So, I called my mortgage people to tell them I am going to be late with my payment, and if I have any options since I've never been late on it before. (I have no options by the way). Mind you, the 1-800 number to call is transferred to outsourced customer service representatives from another country who read from a script. I hate that and you know it. So I ask her what I can do, bla bla bla, and she starts to tell me about something I can do to pay off my mortgage faster. So, I say, "yea ok, tell me about it". So she starts to tell me about this incredible credit card, right. You get 1% back on all your purchases and that 1% you collect goes on your principle loan. But it is a credit card. So when she is done with her spiel, I let her have it. I know, I know, it’s not HER fault she has to try to sell a credit card but here is my problem. I tell her this. So, I call you to tell you I am having TROUBLE this month paying my mortgage, and YOU TELL ME about a credit card. How dare you try to sell a credit card to people who are having financial difficulty as it is? You do not accept credit cards for payments, yet you are encouraging people to become more and more and more in debt so they can’t pay that either, and their credit goes even more down the tubes. What in the hell is this about? Seriously folks, I let her have it and told her to pass it along to her manager since it is not her fault.

I mean really, Yea, I am going to sign up and rack up thousands in credit just so I can get $100 off my principle? Give me a damn break. This is part of what is wrong with this country. Maybe I should send this story to Barack Obama so he is aware that banks and mortgage companies are trying to get the American people even more in debt. Greedy bastards.

Rant du Jour--Sunday Night Wine Rant

2008-10-12T20:54:00.004-04:00

**Disclaimer: Drank a few glasses of wine.

I sometimes think my life is like a sitcom, but then I remember that at some point the main character of that sitcom usually comes into some sort of good fortune. I.E. Money, Love, or an array of both. For me: none of the above...so far.

I'm thinking that I may as well say and do as I please and to act like I am a special character on a show like 'Samantha Who?' (which I would bludgeon anyone to be on just to be the 'fat friend') and I will be adorned by many fans and/or be found adorable Or, I could just run for Vice President, whichever you see fit in this day and age. It is a little known fact that my childhood dream is to be an academy award actress, although, the notion may not be farfetched to some. It’s a fact that I am a dreamer, a dramatic, and I come up with all sorts of hilarity and horrendousness in my head that is not really there. I do though, have a talent with seeing and with spouting the truth, but deep down, I consider these lacksidasical whimsy solutions and 'play outs' of certain situations that I know would never happen in real life, although would secretly wish they would happen in the form of a movie or the cliffhanger of an awesome sitcom. But hey, that’s me. I've been thinking more of going along the lines of my 'Future Husband, Jon Lajoie' and expressing this through means of hilarous song and dance, but I have no idea where to start. The thing is with me is....when I see something shiny that distracts me from idea A...I lose interest in 'A', and follow that shiny thing. God, Drat the blessed shiny things of the world! Oh ya, and that thing with making money. Time is hard to come by when you have 3 jobs to hold down.

So as we may already know (and if you don’t, let me enlighten you), I went to school (before massage therapy) for radio and TV production. However, I was never able to land a job in this arena due to working on 25+year old equipment (at that time almost 10 years ago) at 'The University' and cut my losses and moved on. Now, seemingly, many a movies are being shot here in good ol' Michigan, and they have and are talking about turning shut down factories into movie studios. This news for me is really really really depressing but exciting at the same time. If I would have had decent education in what I wanted to do, I would probably be heading up some sort of industry here in Detroit as we speak, however, now is not the time to talk about shoulda coulda woulda or demean my school. Now is the time to talk about the future of what could be the new movie capitol for a few years. Think of South Carolina in the era of Dawson's Creek. That was a non-existent area for filming until Dawson's Creek. Granted, it probably has slowed down considerably, but for a bit, it was a "heyday". This is exciting news for our state, as right now, it’s going down the tubes, could turn up if this industry grows here. In one of my last posts I told you that Sean Astin (Lord of the Rings and Goonies fame) spoke at an Obama Rally I attended. He was there because he and Michael Vartan (amongst others) are filming a movie here in Michigan. Support this new industry to our state and welcome the new found industry we may become known for...the automotive thing is old and suffering and we need a CHANGE.

My New Endeavor

2008-10-08T00:59:00.004-04:00

As you know, I teach salsa dancing. I am trying to start up a mixer/social/party one night a month. I'll pass along the info if you might be interested or forward to anyone. I'd love to meet you all who read, unless of course you are a psycho stalker type, which in that case, I have police connections and stay far away from me. :)
************************************************************************************

ATD is excited to announce our new Monthly Salsa Mixer! This is a
great chance for salsa students to meet new friends, practice what
you learn, or if your already a hot Salsero/a a chance to show off
what you can do. ATD provides a friendly and comfortable atmosphere,
in a great location in Downtown Utica.

I would love for you to join us in our brand new Salsa Mixer.
Opening night is Sunday, October 19, 2008. We will be having the
monthly Mixer on the 3rd Sunday of each month.

For the first Mixer, I will be raffling off 5 group lessons, and a 1/2 hour private lesson.

I will be teaching a mini salsa lesson starting at 8:30pm, and the
dance floor opens at 9pm until about 11pm or whenever we feel like
stopping!

Details:
What: Salsa Sunday's at ATD--Salsa Mixer
When: October 19, 2008 and every 3rd Sunday of each month
Time: 8:30pm mini-lesson/ 9pm open dance/mixer
Cost: $10 or one class from your ATD package punch card

Location:
Argentine Tango Detroit
7758 Auburn Road Utica, MI 48317
586-254-0560
www.ArgentineTangoDetroit.com

As always, full one hour group classes are each Wednesday at ATD
Wednesdays
7pm--beginner salsa
8pm--intermediate salsa
Private lessons are available by appointment

I hope to see you there!

Saludos,
Stacey

Health facts:
Salsa dancing is a great way to have fun and relieve stress. It has
several health benefits as well.
Mayo Clinic researchers have found that social dancing helps to:
Reduce stress
Increase energy
Improve strength
Increase muscle tone and coordination
Builds endurance and stamina
Helps with weight loss
Relieves stress
Helps you release toxins via sweating
May help lower blood pressure and improve cholesterol levels
Can lead to a reduced heart rate over time

It's That Time O' Year--Illness, Politics, and More

2008-10-08T00:42:00.003-04:00

A few things to catch you up on. It’s been a while and I know, I apologize.

Yep, it’s the change of the season, and I find myself hopped up on Sudafed (sp?), Vicks Vapor rub, and Sucrets throat lozenges, and a couple o'raw nostrils. (I went and got me the lotion kind of tissues for my poor Rudolph nose.) This is NOT the time for me to be sick. Is it ever though? It’s not like you get sick when its 'convenient' for you. No of course not.

With that being said, I found another job...finally. (Not the most convenient time to be a snotty mess). A couple of posts ago I mentioned that my life was in an upheaval and wouldn’t burden ya'll with my problems. That problem was kicking ass into resume sending and job applying. Good for me, I have fantastic friends who all tried to help me out. In the end, I chose a gig that would fit with my current career path of Massage Therapy as well. This company is awesome. I've worked there one day, and I love them. Firstly, the people are amazing (so far). Secondly, as a part time employee, I will be receiving benefits for virtually $0. This in itself is a Godsend, and I will work my ass to the bone for them even if only for that reason. Thirdly, the pay scale is amazing for a part time job in this arena. The best news is that the spa is willing to work around my schedule with this new job and let me basically tell them when I can work. So, my life has turned up a bit, and I am just waiting for the paychecks so I can catch up on my finances. Now, yes, I now have 3 jobs, but hey, they are all diverse, and I won’t be bored will I? Cheers to me!

The wedding. It was beautiful and a blast. I don’t have many details to share as I was a few sheets to the wind by the time dinner ended (it was a late dinner). But the weekend was the perfect getaway that I needed. No, I didn’t meet anyone.

This evening I went to Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. The Obama camp had set up a little rally there and showed the debate on a projector. Me and HNK went up there not knowing what to expect. The entry fee was only $1. They had quite a few comedians to entertain us before the debates, some funny, some not so much. Then they had a few speakers. The surprise speaker, to my delight, was Sean Astin. You know him as Rudy or Mikey from The Goonies, or a Hobbit from Lord of the Rings! I wanted to yell "Hey You Guyssssssssssssss!" the entire time. I didn’t get to meet him, which would have been cool to meet Mikey after all these years. :) The downside of the evening is that I chose a diet soda for my choice of drink. It feels good on my sore throat and kept agreeing to refills from the waitress. What she neglected to tell me is that they do not give you free refills, and my bill for nachos and a pop was $17. Hi, couldn’t you tell me as I kept saying yes to the refills of the incredibly small ice filled glass that they aren’t free? Well, it cost her a tip. The debate was as expected. I heard really nothing new from either candidate and was disheartened by McCain’s sarcastic attitude toward Obama, or as McCain would say "that one". Bite it McCain...wait; bite on the pine nuts that are stored in your cheeks. :O

Toss This

2008-09-23T20:36:00.005-04:00

Singleton

n.
Games. A playing card that is the only one of its suit in a player's hand.

A) An individual separated or distinguished from two or more of its group.
B) An offspring born alone.

This is the definition of Singleton. I belong to subcategory A. This word famed by Bridget Jones has hit home with me since the first time I read her Diaries. (And yes, I've read them more than one time; she is me, minus the Mark Darcy).

This weekend I am attending a wedding out of town. I am thoroughly excited about the nuptials, as it is one of my closest friends in the world. Almost all of my closest friends will be there...with their husbands/boyfriends. This is not the issue. These types of events normally stir some sort of anxiety in me. Like Jennifer Aniston in the movie "Picture Perfect" where she attends her friend’s wedding and is the only single female, which leads her to be the only lassie on the floor during the tossing of the bouquet. Extremely embarrassing. When this part of the wedding happens, I normally hole myself up at the bar, in a carefully executed plan of ordering a drink with a lengthily description so that I look "too busy to participate" in the catching of the dreaded bouquet with the group of elementary school girls and the one or two (if that) other singleton women. This, by the way, never works. They find you and hunt you down and the DJ screams your name through the mic. I'm pretty sure that one streak of a year when I attended 4 weddings and caught the bouquet EVERY time, is the jinxes of marriage rather than 'your next!'.

I am incredibly proud of my friend for eliminating this dog and pony show from her reception. There will be no opportunity to feel mortified, anxious, or ridiculous, if by chance I were to catch the bouquet, while trying desperately to dodge it, and have to go through the horrendous spectacle of the garter catcher trying to put that thing up my thick thigh while they play that song they used in Twix commercials. Yea, you know that part. Thank you my friend.

I am also proud to say that I helped her with her music list. If the DJ plays even half the songs we picked, the dance floor will be jammed! None of that krunk crap for us! No Solja Boy, no stripper songs, no hustle. Phew!

So, with that being said, not having to feel anxiety, mortification, or flowers hitting me in the noggin, I will feel sexy, hot, and have an extremely good time, and feel I will actually be able to be myself at a wedding for a change. I'll post you after the wedding with little tales of the weekend, and what may come about. Hey, I might even be on the prowl for singleton men! Hopefully this time the photographer doesnt mistake me for two teenage girl's mother. Yikes!

Congratulations Vera and Daniel! I love you both more than you will know!

Let's Just Not Give a F&%k

2008-09-16T21:21:00.004-04:00

(Disclaimer: Video contains adult language and profanity)

If you’re wondering where I've been, I'm in a terrible mood. I'm at a crossroads that I'm scared won’t lead me anywhere whichever way I turn. It's pretty bad. I'm not going to subject you to the details of why it is that I am in a horrible mood and why I drown my problems in fast food. I'm just not getting into it. Those of you that know me, know what’s up and that’s all I need right now.

What I do want is to do this for a while: I mean, life would be so much easier....

See more Jon Lajoie videos at Funny or Die

Kids in the Hall

2008-09-11T16:38:00.006-04:00

This topic may come up a few times, because as I am going through some old boxes of treats that were hidden in my closet, I keep coming across hilarious things from my youth. It's so funny that at the time the pictures were taken, or the note was written, how serious we were. Now reading it many many years later, I find myself A. Laughing, and B. becoming nostalgic of my youth.

I just came across a little book. I went to Lake Shore High School through my 9th grade year. My family was moving to Clinton Township, and I'd be going to Chippewa Valley High School. If you know what either of those schools are, you can understand I went from Trailer school to Mansion school. I.E. Little school to huge school. I grew up with the people of Lake Shore, and I knew everyone. For some reason we wouldn't receive our yearbooks before it was time for me to leave, so being the sentimental person I am, I got a little journal, and made most everyone sign it as if it were a yearbook. I am still in contact with some of these people today (Thank you Myspace) and I must share some of the well wishes of 9th graders with you. We thought we were so old, but it still might qualify for "Kids Say the Darnedest Things".

I'm happy to note that no, I was not stuck up, and this person is correct. Good note, Scott B!

I will let you know, that yes, I believe I broke Mike L's ladder to his pool. I was mortified. Mike, whose pool this was used to call me thunder thighs, so I was incredibly self conscious around him. Then, THEN I break the ladder? Mind you it wasn't on correctly and it just happened to break when I stepped on it of course, so I didn't live that down for a while. And I'd hung out with Brian, writer of note, after H.S. cuz he was Friends with my boyfriend’s brother. Joy.

Thanks for being to the point, Andy. I remember I used to harass you and ask you the strangest questions, only because I knew it bothered you. Plus I'm pretty sure I had a mad crush on you because you were older and I didn't grow up with you.

I wonder if Ian ever went into local politics. He seemed awfully up and up on the stuff going on in the district at the time. Senator Ian, where are you now? Oh, and who the hell is Matt? I have no clue!

Ok, so this girl NEVER liked me. I know this. I actually just ran into her the other month and it was the same ol' weirdness with her. Either way, oh well she lives in another state now.

And lastly, for now: This was the last note in the book. It is from my neighbor Tiffany who passed away and I wrote about HERE. I don't even know what to say, but thank you, that I found this.

Funny what we find lying around.
There are so many more entries that may deserve their own post, but I thought I'd give a sampling for now. Nice reminiscing' with ya!

Rant du Jour~~~Bona Fide Fed Up

2008-09-09T20:45:00.005-04:00

I really sometimes wonder what is wrong with men. I mean really. I really am not trying to man bash, I am honestly asking. I basically only have one other friend who is single, and we are both having just the absolute worst luck you could probably ever imagine in our dating lives. She just got stood up, the man I just met never bothered to call; another won’t make the effort to even ask. So what gives? I've actually been trying lately to 'get myself out there', at the advice of some friends, and I come up with nada, or been there done that.

Some people have suggested some things:
Online dating: I have done this to the hilt, as I've mentioned before it is way too much of a pain in the ass to get any outcome from it. It also costs your first born child (a lot of money).
Join an Activity: Yes, good idea, except the activities I like to do, gay men like to do. And, activities cost money (did I mention that I am rather broke at the moment?)
Play a Sport: Um no. I don’t do sports and I am not about to pretend I am sporty or outdoorsy to hook some dude.
Go to church and church events: I refuse to misrepresent myself to some poor Christian guy in the hopes he found the gal of his dreams only to be shattered by the fact that I do not go to church, nor do I ever want to and I had just happened to find myself in a church function trolling for dates.
Have a friend set you up with a friend or their guy’s friend: Ah yes, the old tale of meeting your mate through your friend’s husband. I have no friends who have really ever offered this. One being because they have no single male friends, or second being, they would not want to set me up with those ‘losers’.

I'd like to ask the creator of beings what I could have possibly done in a past life to have such awful luck bestowed upon me. I really would like to have some company, be taken out on a date (a date doesn’t mean an expensive dinner either), and how about an actual call from a man who asks for my number? And really, people, I am damn tired of hearing 'oh he is probably just scared'. Really? Can you be THAT scared? You already spoke to me, or her, or that lady over there, what could be so scary about dialing the phone and asking me, her, that lady over there, out for a drink?

Now, after that little rant and digression, I pose the question to my readers. Perhaps one of you has a fabulous idea on how/where to meet men. I'd like to hear them. But, please do spare me the romantic tale of how you met your wonderful mate, and the 'keep your chin up's' as I’m not in the mood for fluff, I'm only in the mood for hard facts.

Of course the fact still remains that I do not NEED a man, but I am after all, a bona fide woman, and feel depleted sometimes. Don’t be too hard on me.

Barackin' in the USA

2008-09-02T11:54:00.005-04:00

On Labor Day I had the chance to go to the Barack Obama rally downtown at Hart Plaza. Not being very political, I've never been to any sort of political speech or rally or anything. This time around as we all know, is pretty exciting on all counts. On Monday morning, with hardly any sleep, I got up early and hopped in the car with my brother and his girlfriend, and headed downtown. When we got there, the line was already wrapped around both sides of Jefferson and ended up wrapping around the block and doubling back. It was nuts. Here is just a vauge sample:

Even though we stood in line for hours, and baked in the hot sun, I got more excited when the line started moving and we got into Hart Plaza. It was like a ton of people baking in an oven, and if you know me, you know I do NOT do good with being crowded for a long period of time. But I held on, knowing that it would be so exciting. And it was. The crowd was absolulty wonderful. Everyone was polite and just happy to be there. When Obama finally got to the stage, which I'm sure you'd seen on local news, he did only speak for about 10 minutes. The down part was that the mic was not on loud enough and I couldnt hear him let alone see him (I am very short). What I did hear was his singing an Aretha Franklin song "Chain of Fools"(which I'm sure you also saw on the news) and we all cheered! What I saw, was nothing, but what my camera captured by me standing on my tippiest of tip toes and plunging the camera as high in the air as I could was this:

Yay! I got his picture! It was short, the hours waiting hot and long, but it was so worth it to actually be a part of history. And this is history weather he wins or looses, or whomever you support. I felt rather patriotic. I also came home and was inspired to do research on both candidates (which I hardly ever do) and learned some things. I learned what GOP is. I never knew, and it actually stands for the Republican Party and the letters stand for 'Grand ol' Party'. Oh, how very confederate of them. I learned that Barack and I share the same Birthday, also.

I did learn more than just those tidbits. It was exciting and I'm glad I went. I am ready for some Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes.

The Poor Helping the Poor-er.

2008-08-30T20:12:00.005-04:00

This holiday weekend is not fun. I have been invited to zero bbq's, I have no money to leave my house, and the spa is closed so I am making no money at all. I am bored. Its 8pm on a Saturday night, and I'm sitting here in the dusk with my cat who looks just as bored, and I'm listening to Doug FM because I have no cable, growing more and more terribly bored. However, like I said, I couldn’t go anywhere if I wanted to.

Today I had a couple of house calls. The spa is closed so I am grateful that I had this work today. On the way to their home, I get off the freeway at Moross. I've been off this exit several times going to that area time and time again. There always seems to be a homeless man (not sure if it’s always the same one) standing at the intersection right off the exit ramp with their cardboard box sign asking for food. When I passed him this afternoon, (as always), I felt for him. I decided that when I am done with my appointment, I will stop at the gas station, purchase some water and food. I will swing back around and if he is still there, it’s his. If not, its things I would eat anyhow. I spent my last few dollars of cash I had in my purse (I have checks that need to be cashed, but cant till Tuesday) for someone who really needed it even more than I did. I tried to get things that would curb the hunger for a while, like peanuts. I also got giant sized water, combos and some Twinkies. (I mean what kind of things really are at a gas station). He was there when I came back around. I also saw a car, two ahead of me, stop and give him some money. I felt a pride, like there are good people still in this world willing to help someone in need. I pulled up, and handed him the bag. As he expressed his thanks to me, I noticed he was not that old. He didn’t look much older than me. He could have been, but by that I mean not more than 15 years. I felt sad but glad that I could help him. I just hope that he isn’t addicted to crack and living on the streets begging for money and food because he spends what he gets for a fix. (I just saw the show 'Intervention' with a man my age that did that). I'd like to think that I helped him and he was truly in need (if you know otherwise please do not tell me). I try to do this when I can. Throw my change into the 'missing kid' jar at the party store even. If I am somewhere walking with my leftover doggie bag from a restaurant and there is someone on the street begging, they get my food. It’s simple, it’s something I don’t NEED, and they do. I already ate. I'm not saying any of this to get props. I'm just saying that I feel good about doing that today.

Deep Thoughts from the Insomniacs Club

2008-08-29T03:01:00.006-04:00

Did you ever notice that the word "lisp" is a word that people who suffer from a lisp cannot pronounce correctly? That’s kinda mean, eh? They could have called it a "lithp"? That way, people with lisps wouldn’t feel even worse about their speech impediment.

Just another thought from the insomniacs club.

Stay at Home Dad

2008-08-21T11:31:00.002-04:00

The newest song and video from my future husband, Jon LaJoie.

Stay At Home Dad (Jon Lajoie)

WWW.JonLajoie.com

Fear and Loathing in Dateless in Detroit

2008-08-18T22:07:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I am weird and ask people strange questions. I don’t know why I do it, I guess mainly because it’s interesting to me, or I'd like some validation that I, myself, am not crazy and would like other peoples take on the idea. Like this one: What are your irrational fears? Everyone has fears of things like spiders, heights, and roller coasters. But, most everyone has a weird fear of something that shouldn’t be feared. I call it fear, but this thing could also gross you out.
My irrational fears are as follows: Bath tubs and dryer lint. I'll explain. The thought of taking a bath disgusts me. I wretch at the thought of it. Never mind sitting in one’s own filth, but the tub itself grosses me out. Even the squeaky clean ones. I can’t tell you why. Nothing traumatic happened to me in a tub as a child (except that when we were very little my baby brother pooped in the bathtub and I screamed and laughed until I about hyperventilated). Tubs plain and simple, gross me out. Now on to the dryer lint. It’s not that I'm scared of it because I will touch it if I have to. Usually, I remove dryer lint with a dryer sheet as to not touch it. When I do touch it, it gives me the heebie jeebies and makes my fingers tingle and I wretch in disgust. Yea, so I'm nuts. We've established that.

I was at a party this weekend and posed the question to three friends. What are your irrational fears? This ended up not a real conversation but a circle of people looking up at the sky or down at the ground really hard and squinty-eyed because you honestly kind of have to think about that one for a few moments. One of them finally said seaweed. I squealed with glee...ME TOO! I hate hate HATE seaweed and think it’s something in the water trying to get me. I have another friend who is afraid of Styrofoam. You know that awful squeaky noise it makes. Another has a fear of ordering food on the phone, car washes and oil change places. (I do admit that I have a mini-fear of car washes that you have to drive through. I am scared I won’t know what to do once I get in and something will come crashing down on my car).

So I pose the question to you. What are your irrational fears? Feel free to share them with the rest of us weirdo’s on the comments section.

Throw another Scrimp on the Barbie

2008-08-15T22:45:00.004-04:00

I have another neighborhood courtyard ditty strait from my complex in which I live. The association just replaced the grills outside in the courtyard and added a picnic table. There were always grills there, but they did not work. Like I said, they have just been recently replaced. It’s really nice because they are gas grills that are hooked up to an underground gas line. I assume this is hooked up into my building as it’s the closest to the grill patio.

The other week as I was sitting on my couch I hear the neighbor woman downstairs (she is one of the other 'neighborhood watch women') charging out of her door wall yelling at someone to stop what they are doing. I get up and get a closer look. Apparently someone was at the grills putting charcoals into the bottom of one of the gas grills. Think about that for a minute. Charcoal. Lighter fluid. Gas grill. The griller must not have spoken very good English because my neighbor told her like 5 times loudly (but not mean) that this is a GAS GRILL, and you do NOT put charcoals in it. She continued to tell her she was about to blow herself up. OHMIGOD. Also, it probably would have blown up our building with us in it if the gas line is hooked up to our building.

Talk about a close call. Another day in the life...

I Might Be Famous Now. I Give Autographs Within Reason.

2008-08-07T12:59:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure if you know this, but I am a Salsa Dance instructor. I don’t really talk about it much on here and I'm not sure why. Sometimes it could make for good stories to be told. Speaking of stories--last week a new student came to my beginner class. He is a column writer for The Source. I think it’s a Detroit area based newspaper, and each county or city has their own edition. (I think, don’t quote me on that). He came into class as part of his "Opinions" column. His assignment is to try a new activity each month and write about it. This time, it was to try Salsa Dancing. He seemed very nervous, but he got through the class with flying colors. He stopped by the studio yesterday on his way to an event, and dropped off a couple of papers so we could read what he wrote about my class. I'd like to share with you his column on my class and his experience trying to dance.

The following text was taken from The Source Newspaper, Sterling Heights Edition dated August 3, 2008. Column written by Chris Williams, Source Staff Writer

So You Think I Can't Dance?
Before we jump into this month's column of new experiences, let's take an inventory, shall we?

There are three particular things that I lack:
1. Rhythm.
2. Coordination
3. Skill with the opposite sex.

So, I guess it was only natural that for my new experience this month I decided to take dancing lessons. Not just any dancing lessons, mind you, but lessons in salsa, a partner dance that requires all of those things I lack.

I will issue a slight caveat-I had actually taken salsa dancing lessons before, three or four years back. The lessons, however, were at a church singles' activity, fairly unorganized and I gave up after 15 minutes to pay more attention to the more familiar type of salsa-the type that you only need to partner with chips. So I figured taking an hour-long, official dance class qualifies as a new thing.

I should also make it clear that I am not, by nature, a dancer. When I took a date to my high school homecoming dance during my senior year, I hemmed and hawed my way out of having to hit the dance floor. I have never once hit a nightclub, aside from taking work-related pictures for this job. The only dancing I have done-other than a celebratory jig when I once bowled a strike-has been at weddings, where I can cling to my partner and not have to worry that I look like a "full-body dry heave set to music," as "Seinfeld's" George Costanza would say.

So it was with a bit of trepidation that I walked into Argentine Tango Detroit in Utica to take their beginner's salsa class one Wednesday night. Salsa instructor Stacey DeLiso led me back to the room with the three other students in that night's class and started to teach us the basic moves.

The basic moves DeLiso started to show us seemed easy enough. Forward, in place, back, in place, to the side, look over the shoulder, etc. It didn't seem much different than the "Tae-Bo" routine I attempted in college (yes, I will never live down the fact that for the better part of a year I spent an hour pretending to kick-box with Billy Blanks on my TV, sending the dog into panic attacks). When she led us through the basic steps on our own, I felt a flush of pride; I was keeping to a bit of rhythm and actually remembering the steps.

Perhaps I was actually going to be able to be a salsa master.

"Okay, now we're going to do this with partners," DeLiso announced.

It suddenly occurred to me that what I had been doing wasn't dancing at all-no matter how cute my little behind-shake might have been. I was simply learning the basic steps that would be incorporated in the dance, the outline of the dance, as a writer might say. The dance was not going to be complete until I was partnered with someone and doing these moves to music. What's more, as the man, I learned I would have to lead.

Those basic steps? They don't seem as basic when you're holding hands, trying to lead someone through the dance to some fast-paced music. It's one thing to go through the motions and practice steps; it's another to make it look smooth, natural and romantic. If I didn't lead enough, my partner would not know to follow. If I was too obvious, I looked like a puppet master and my movements looked mechanical, not natural and fluid. Of course, there was also the little problem of remembering all this, listening to the music, moving in sync with the rhythm and remembering the steps.

And then we started the twirling.

I watch a lot of movies and I've seen my fair share of musicals. The dance steps and the twirling look so natural in there, so full of passion and grace, with the steps echoing the beating of the characters' hearts and the flourishes-like twirling-looking like passionate extensions of their own emotions.

I spent the better half of the hour trying not to spin my partner through the wall and worrying that I was going to break her arm. I had also noticed, perhaps 20 minutes too late, that this dancing thing required some real physical energy and I had broken out a sweat that, in a nightclub, would ensure I wouldn't ever have to dance with a partner again. DeLiso was great in giving me helpful hints and advice, but I still have to admit that I think I looked more like Chris Farley out there than Antonio Banderas.

But here's the thing-I was loving it. In fact, the more difficult it was, the more determined I felt to get it right. This wasn't an easy dance step you could learn at a wedding; it wasn't the "Cha-Cha Slide." And yet it wasn't anything that I felt I couldn't learn after some lessons. What's more, it was great exercise and it was definitely a social activity that was a more fun than my usual nights of going to movies and, well, renting movies.

More than that, though, I had a newfound respect for those who love dancing. It's not a brain-dead club activity. It's something that requires discipline, skill, intelligence and a desire to follow the music, even if you think you're making an idiot of yourself. As I walked back to my car, I could feel the muscles in my legs still wanting to move to the music and, while I know that I am nowhere near ready to hit a public dance floor, the best thing I can say is that I wanted to show up for another lesson, if only to prove to myself that this is something I can do.

Throughout the past few months, several of these new experiences have required me to go beyond my comfort zone, be it singing karaoke, attending a political rally, drinking some wine or even sitting in at a monster truck rally. But I don't think any have required me to overcome my fear of looking silly and pushed me physically like salsa dancing. And all I can say to that is that I'm ready to get out and shake my hips again-even though it will most-likely be out of rhythm.

It's My Birthday and I'll Be Sappy If I Want To

2008-08-04T12:22:00.003-04:00

Today is my 31st birthday. For some reason, I've thought about a lot of things in the last week. I don’t know if that is coincidence or just by chance or due to my birthday. I didn’t wake up and cry. I didn’t wake up and feel depressed about my age (I NEVER do). I woke up to several text messages and emails of people wishing me a happy birthday. That makes me happy and feel warm and fuzzy inside. (This is not a shallow attempt to get everyone who reads my blog to say Happy Birthday)

This past week, I've been taking toll of my life. I've accomplished a lot of things that I have wanted to. Maybe not in the timely fashion most do it, but I have gotten a lot of things that I wanted. I realize there are some more things I want to accomplish and it will be my goal to try to figure out how to get them started. I also don’t know if it’s the mood I've been in or the "more grown up age" but I've looked at people and situations a little differently also. I've been on the quiet side doing more observing than spouting off at the mouth. By listening and observing, I've judged less on initial impression, which is when I would write someone off immediately, and taken them in and gotten on their side of the tracks to empathize. I've seen people who have had grudges against each other for dumb reasons reconnect and resurrect a friendship. I've let go of dumb reasons I thought I had for what other people have done and moved away from that. Yes, I still am 'me', don’t worry, but I'm going through a reflective stage, and I want to share with you.

My First Experience with My City's Finest

2008-08-02T00:38:00.003-04:00

Tonight I went out to eat with my family for my birthday dinner. We went to a pretty delicious restaurant in Mt. Clemens and left satisfactorily plump. I needed to get home, and get my things for tomorrows activities in order. Tomorrow (Saturday), I have to work all day (pray that I actually work, and not sit there drowning in my sorrows or rather, my debt), go to a 1st birthday party immediately after, and then trot off to a party of a man who is bestowingly hot. He is the brother of a girl I know from school and last I saw of him was at my birthday bash last year, and he made a point to tell his sister to invite me to this party of his. (I don’t think he has a means of contacting me himself), so without hesitation, I didn’t turn down his invitation. So, yea, I had clothes to gather for changing into for parties, makeup to pack away in a carry case, gifts to put in order and have everything waiting for me by the door so that I have to trip over them before I forget anything.

So, I finish with my packing for the next day’s activities, and I am hearing loudness in my building. Nothing unusual, I thought, as it’s a Friday night, and people have friends over. As I'm watching the 11 o'clock news, I hear strange noise. I mute my television, and hear things banging, or rather what sounds like a body being thrown against walls or chairs or something. I hear a woman who I feel is yelling so to get a closer ear, I went to my balcony. I heard correctly. The young woman is yelling and sometimes screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT! DONT TOUCH ME". The first think I think of is my convict neighbor below me and call 911 immediately. Unlike my nightmares I have on occasion, they answered after the first ring, but they DID transfer my call to another dispatcher. Really? What if I was being bludgeoned? You'd transfer me? Anyhoo, I spoke to the dispatcher and told her what I had heard. She took my name, number and address and told me a car would be out as soon as one is available. I'm thinking like 5-10 minutes. In the meantime while I am waiting for This City's Finest to come break up this dispute, I now hear the young woman running outside with a man yelling "CALL THE POLICE! HELP!" I am watching (carefully) out my window. I've never seen these people before at ALL. I'm confused. But either way, I'd already called the police and they are on their way. She then yells that she locked herself out of the building but is still screaming HELP! But, she is following the guy who I think she is afraid of. Right? He is telling her to get away and she is following him. So confused. By this time, they turned the corner and I am out on my balcony waiting for her to come back around so I can tell her I've called the police and they are on their way. Other neighbors are coming out and we're now trading stories on what we've heard. MIND YOU, the people that came out to see what is happening is ME, THE WOMAN downstairs, and the WOAMAN who lives in the building attached to mine. So, am I the ONLY one who called the police after this woman is now on the other side of the complex still telling people to call the police? I called BEFORE she was ranting about it!
After the other ladies went inside, I heard another man that I've never seen or heard below me talking to someone about how she hit him and he hit her back and now her lip is bleeding and she's gone crazy now. The man who lives below me, you know, the convict, is not home. He finally shows up and takes the girl home or walks her somewhere, but now everyone involved in this uproar is gone.
Guess what? The police still have not shown up. I figured that maybe they caught up to them in the parking lot, but usually they will call you to tell you that or follow up. It was over an hour, before they rang my door buzzer.
So the buzzer rings, and I know it’s probably them, but with the shadiness of my complex, I use the speaker and say
Me: "Hello?”
Response: "Hello."
Me: "Um, who is it?"
Them: "uh Police."
I went down to get them and when I opened the door, there were 4 of them. FOUR, an hour later. I told them that the people who I called about had left about a half hour ago and that they do not live here and they were guests of the person who lives in "that" unit (pointing to the convicts unit). All they said was OK, and got my name and birth date and left.
I understand that my call wasn’t of the most urgent, but I did tell the dispatcher that someone was getting thrown around and that a woman was yelling. Hello! Is there THAT much crime in this city? Really? Even with that fancy new police station right down the street it takes 1 hour? I'm just a little perturbed as it makes me just a little uneasy if I ever have to call the cops for something more serious.

Crystal Balls and all that.

2008-07-21T23:58:00.003-04:00

I went to a purse party this weekend only because the host's psychic would be there doing short readings for a minimal amount of money. I like psychics, so don’t judge me.

Good and Bad news.

Bad news for me: She doesnt see me really ever getting married or involved enough for that kind of love to be there...in my lifetime. (Apparently I was put upon this earth for a greater purpose than measly love)

Good news for you (and possibly me, however you look at it): I take that vision as a free pass to date any one I want without being choosy whatsoever, which makes for fantastic subject matter and reading for you, my dear readers.

How bout that, an entire lifetime of Dateless in Detroit’s and Rants du Jour. Aren’t you the luckiest off all? It’s like Seinfeld never went off the air, eh?

I'll leave the psychic visions at that for now. If the other things she said actually happen, I'll post with updates. Maybe later. I think I'm going to get a thorough reading from her in a few months. She seemed pretty good, and she is way inexpensive.

Cheers and crystal balls and all that.

Hey, what’s that under there? Under Where? HA, I just made you say UNDERWEAR!!!

2008-07-14T11:58:00.003-04:00

I am about to tell you a story about something that happened to a friend a while ago. I just remembered it and laughed hysterically once again.

She was out to eat with a group of people one night and had to go to the bathroom after the meal. The small restaurant had the bathroom with only a toilet in it, so there were no other stalls, just a lone bathroom with a locked door. She went in and did her business, and noticed way too late that there was no toilet paper...at all. There weren’t even any paper towels, a hand blower. She was mortified, what in the hell was she going to do? You might say, ya, suck it up and drip dry. This is the problem. She couldn’t drip dry. She went "number two"! She did the only thing she thought to do, pull em up and pray that it was a clean one. She was way too embarrassed to tell anyone she was with either. I guess all men were working at this restaurant and no one wanted to ask for TP. This came up only because another person in her party went into the stall and noticed there was no TP. They ended up leaving to go to their next location. She figured she'd clean up once she got to the next place. This next place was considerably far from the restaurant, but she made it there with no question. Once she got there, she went to the bathroom, cleaned up. She thanked baby Jesus that it was not even anything bad, but also removed her underwear and disposed of them. I would have too! She tossed them in the can, and left. After a little while, a friend in her party came back to the table, commenting on the lude postings on the bathroom wall and said "There is even underwear in the garbage!” My friend just laughed and agreed this was disgusting, not admitting to anything!!!!! This was years ago, and I still laugh every time I think about it! Now I make sure there is toilet paper available before I squat down every time.

This reminds me of another underwear story that actually happened to me. I was at sixth grade camp (Many years ago). I hated that camp and everything about it. I couldn’t wait to get home. However, I had to be there. Our cabin counselors or babysitters or whatever announced it was shower time, so I went in the shower area, took my shower with the one little stream of cold as hell water that dribbled down and tried to wash my massive amount of hair under this dribble. I was getting yelled at for taking so long, so I tried to rush. As I did I got dressed and went back to my bunk. All of a sudden, I hear some 6th grade girl screaming about someone’s underwear being on the floor! The cabin babysitter was asking whose it was. I went and looked, and said "gross, that isn’t MINE", and walked away trying to hide my red face. Yep, they sure were mine alright. But was I going to admit that to 20 girls in my 6th grade class. Not a freakin chance. I refused to be known as the underwear girl through my entire school career. Looking back now, it’s not a big deal; you retrieve your skivvies and go on with your day. But you know as well as I do, that in Junior High and High School that is NOT acceptable. The cabin babysitter was trying to lecture us that it is not a big deal, just take them. Next time I walked pass, I saw them in the trash. :) No one ever found out they were mine. Mission accomplished. I was never known as the underwear girl.

Tales from the Pub...One Day

2008-07-11T01:25:00.003-04:00

"You are beautiful"

"Thanks"

"One day, some young man will think your really pretty"

"oh, gee, thanks"

Or I also like this one:

"you look really pretty in your pictures"

"Thanks! I look the same in person...or do I?"

I'm still reading

2008-07-10T00:03:00.003-04:00

A SHORT update on the last post. I spoke with HNK today and she informed me that after I had left her fire shin-dig on Saturday she received a text from Mr. 2:30am saying something along the lines of "I see how it goes". She responded with a truthful "Who IS this?". (He obviously was talking about her not following through on the invite to the fire shin-dig). He responded by saying "What? Hasn't she ever gotten rejected before?". She immediately knew who it was and called him out on it. I cant repeat the convo cause I was not there, however, I can say this. Get a life jerk off. Your rude. You were rude when you LIED to me. So, no, I'm not particularly UPSET that YOU rejected ME. It happens, and I'm not crying in my bathtub...sorry to disappoint LOOSER! How do I always meet these ones. Cripe!
:)

I'd Rather Read My Book

2008-07-06T22:54:00.003-04:00

As you know, I go to a particular neighborhood watering hole in the Polish Neighborhood on almost a weekly basis. You get to know the regulars, and meet the first timers who turn into regulars. I am NOT one to look for or meet men in bars, but after a while you do get to know a few that are in there regularly or from time to time. So last week when I was in there I was talking to someone I've met there and hung out with there on more than one occasion. I found out he lives very close to me and suggested we perhaps go out to dinner sometime since we always talk to each other and have fun. He agreed and so it was time to go, so we did. (Not together, we left with our respective friends). He called me when I was almost home for who knows why, but I guess figured I was still driving. So on Monday when I called him, I got his voice mail, left him a message to give me a shout, and went on my way to HNK's house for a dinner and a hang out on the back porch night. She was planning a bonfire for this past weekend and said she'd invite him and I gave her the number to call and invite him. Much to my surprise, when she told him I'd be there he had the nerve, gall, the whatever to say "WHO?” MM, hang up the phone HNK, I am not particularly interested in keeping his company any longer. See, I JUST left him the message that afternoon, so I was a little more than pissy. I felt like, uhm, ok? WTF, right? You would too. So she hung up the phone and I let it go. This past Thursday I didn’t go out, but snuggled up with a book and went to bed at a decent hour. I was awoken by my annoying phone ringing. I jump up and look at the time, (2:30am) and look at the caller (HIM). I instantly groan, ignore the call, recite a few obscenities, and fall back to sleep pissy because I was awoken from a good sleep.
On the 4th, we headed up to 'our bar', and watch a cheap store bought firecracker display by some patrons out on the back patio, go back inside after HNK's foot is almost shot off by a bottle rocket, and start our evening.

Guess who strolls in? Mr. Call at 2:30am. So he approaches me and says HI, and I say hello, and he immediately asks me if I am mad at him. Um? Ok.

I say "Mad? No. But why did you call me at 2:30am? Couldn’t you call me at a normal hour during the day, like I called you?"

His eyes darting every which way, says "oh? You called me?"

MMMHMMMM. "Yes, I sure did, and left you a message; you don’t check your messages?"

"No, I don’t."

"Oh really? You don’t even look when you have a missed call to see who it is?"

"NO, I don’t".

MM ok, stop wasting my time. I am not sure if I just laughed or smirked or gave him a weird look like I knew he was lying, but somehow he walked away, finished his drink at the end of the bar, and left in a hurry. Buh bye.

I think by now, most of you are NOT surprised that this would happen to moi. Par for the course and reading materials for you all. You’re welcome. :)

Independence Day

2008-07-04T18:49:00.003-04:00

Just some small notes for my Independence Day thus far.
I have been watching Comedy Central pretty much all day. It’s a marathon of stand up comedy. I love stand up. LOVE. I have been laughing my arse off all day. I'm contributing that into my workout journal. I also purchased the entire MP3 album of Lockboxx's new album, Drop Shop. It freakin rocks my world.
You can test out the jams HERE and purchase for yourself if you feel so inclined to do so.

Be safe and have a happy celebratory holiday weekend!

Neighborhood Watch

2008-06-27T19:14:00.003-04:00

Remember how I complain about my neighbor below me that is so loud all the time and keeps me up late and I slam my window passive aggressively? I always knew better not to yell out my window to SHUT THE F UP. I don’t know why, but something told me not to do it. I'm glad I didn’t. Not that I think I may be in any immediate danger, but here it is. Every once in a while I search for criminal offenders in my neighborhood or a friends neighborhood on a website called Family Watchdog. You type in your address or a zip code and it gives you a map of offenders of different kinds in your area. I noticed that someone in my area was an offender but had my SAME address. Looking at the unit number, it’s the noisy neighbor right below me. I nervously clicked on his offence, and OMG. He is a registered sex offender. I noted his name and immediately logged on to OTIS, Offender Tracking Information System. Here, you can type in an offender's name and get all the information you need as to the crime they committed, time served, discharge date, etc. I entered his name and got the goods. He was convicted of Criminal Sexual Assault in the 2nd Degree with a person under the age of 13. He also broke his probation on attempt of the same crime, as it looks on his online rap sheet. OMGOMGOMG! Right? Yea. So I live above a child predator.

The worst part of this? Across the hall from him lives a child under the age of 13. This child and many others in the complex are friends and play out in the courtyard RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS UNIT. (No pun intended). I had to do something. My innards were a wreck and I needed to tell the children's parents what we have as a neighbor. The only parent I know of is the parents in my building. I quietly walked downstairs and knocked on the door. The mom opened the door and let me in when I asked if I could speak with her. I told her what I found, and she was in disbelief. She couldn’t believe it, and was stunned. She referred to him in a different name, as what is listed in his rap sheet, and I asked her if she wanted to come upstairs and see for herself. She saw and was mortified. There is the offender's picture on their 'rap sheet'. I asked her to tell the other parents of the children since I don’t know where they live, and she of course agreed. She thanked me and said she wouldn’t say who told her. I feel better and I have noticed the parents of the children have a more watchful eye on the children playing and they seem to have relocated to a different area for playing. It is good to know they are taking the correct precautions. Obviously you cannot NOT let your children play outside, but it’s relieving to me to know they are watching carefully and playing further away from the neighbor.

Fat is as Fat Does

2008-06-26T01:05:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to share with you that I have begun a change in my diet. I am not "on a diet" because if I say that, it will be disastrous. I am changing my eating habits to see what (hopefully something) will happen. I don’t think I eat all that bad, but I'd like to maybe see if I can lose some of this weight I've gained in winter. I'm starting to feel terrible about myself, talking my 'negative' side into thinking the real reason I am 'dateless' is because I am "quote unquote" "FAT". I've started to talk myself into self destructive behavior, and I need to change that. Whether it be eating better to be healthier and build myself esteem or what have you. I need to start to think more positively and that can happen when I am actually trying consciously to record and account for what I put in my mouth. I don’t want to feel like 'no one will be attracted to me unless I am thin'. I will never be thin, this is a known fact (thin being size 12 or smaller). But if I lost a few, I’d feel better about myself and quit this behavior and self hate talk that I hate and loath that most women do. So, in 'celebration' of this new eating thing, I will boringly list the foods I’ve eaten this week. Sorry for the Bore Snore, but it will keep me accountable. Don’t worry, I won’t obsess my food obsession in this blog and everyday record my food intake, but I'm feeling pretty good about what I've done so far. Don’t worry, I will start to incorporate exercise in this ASAP.
Food Diary:

Monday:
B/Fast: Special K bar
Lunch: Tuna fish (no mayo)
Dinner: Baked Chicken Breast with tomatoes. Baked fries. Corn on cob

Tuesday:
B/Fast: Special K Bar
Lunch: Tuna fish (no mayo)
Dinner: Hot dog at DTE, Popcorn

Wednesday:
B/Fast: Nectarine
Lunch: Bowl of Progresso Healthy Fit Chicken Noodle Soup, Special K bar
Dinner: 6" subway Roast Beef sub on honey oat bread w/ mustard and veggies, sun chips (sm bag)
Night snack: Special K bar

I think I’m doing great! AND, I'm really trying to drink tons more water and less diet pop! Suggestions on CHEAP foods I can prepare/quickly heat up are appreciated. Keep in mind my money situation is poor and grocery shopping for a TON of food is an absolute luxury.

I'm No Paula Dean

2008-06-20T18:17:00.000-04:00

My cooking skills today suck. I don’t know why. When I actually do cook a meal for myself that is not soup or tuna fish, it comes out pretty tasty. However today, the cooking gods are not looking down on me very fondly.
I started this morning making a pasta salad. It’s easy enough, right? Well even easier cause it came in a box with seasoning and everything, however I forgot about it and boiled the noodles for too long so now the pasta is sticky and mushy. Ick. This morning I took out some ground sirloin and planned on making a family recipe called Pizza Burger. I called Mom to ask at what temp and how long to cook it at since I never actually made it, but I know HOW to make it. I forgot I needed breadcrumbs, so my mom mentioned that if I wet a piece of bread and smoosh it into the meat it will work the same way. My old world grandma used to do that. So, I made it and it came out freakin terrible. It was boiling; not baking in a pool of gross grease and the sauce didn’t even really cook. Ugh! I was kind of looking forward to it, but I'll deal and eat the mushy pasta salad instead. blah. Next time I cook will be better. Last two times I cooked it was delicious. I made a perfect filet mignon, and another time, chicken with tomatoes, garlic and basil. Yum!
If you’re wondering what on earth is Pizza Burger, or if you heard of it, and are interested in how it goes down, here goes. I am spilling family secrets here people. Don’t go publishing it without giving me any royalties. Well after you heard how it came out, I doubt you will. It sounds gross but it's pretty tasty when its actually made correctly.
You mix breadcrumbs (I had none so used wet bread) ground beef/sirloin, some garlic powder an egg or half an egg depending on the amount of meat you have, and oregano together.
Spread the meat thinly out in a flat pan.
Top with pizza sauce/tomato sauce. Sprinkle with oregano and parmagiana cheese.
Bake.
Not so hard right? When Mom and Gram used to make it, it was not so hard.

A New Place To Cash Your Paychecks

2008-06-17T23:14:00.000-04:00

A couple weekends ago we hit up a new spot in the area. A brand new bar in Mt. Clemens called "The Bank". Apparently it used to be a bank now turned bar/lounge/clubish thing. The place in itself is absolutely amazing to look at from the minute you pull up. It’s like nothing you have seen in the area. Ever. We commented that we felt like we were on vacation because most other states have these awesome aesthetics to the design of the place. The patio was HUGE spanning an entire two sides of the building, plus a 'downstairs' patio. The inside was a clean white and red with a VIP area upstairs and a more 'downtown feel' to the downstairs area of the bar.

Some downfalls, in my opinion were as follows: The drink ware was plastic. This is a really, really nice place. I think that drinking out of a real live glass is in order, not a plastic cup made to look like glass. The music was a tad too loud, but that might just be my age talking and also the area we were in and what may be expected. The place, how nice it was, was filled with DB's. Big Time. (DB = Douche Bag) I was hoping The Bank would be DB free, and that the DBs wouldn’t sniff the place out just yet, but I was sadly put in my place. The bartenders are pretty green. They don’t yet have a grasp of their bar, and possibly the pour, but they will get better with time and practice. As far as I saw, there is only one Women's bathroom, and its downstairs, and there are only two stalls in it. I am really hoping I just didn’t find the other bathroom with 10 stalls in it, ya know?

Some 'plus's' about the place is that the outdoor area is massive and provides plenty of seating. Great looking plush geometrical and swishy shaped benches are all around. Two sets of stairs to bring you to the lower level area of the patio or bar is convenient also. What is a plus, and provides for great humor, is that as your walking down one of the staircases, you can see INTO the men's restroom. The men who are standing at the urinals are looking out of a window, and probably don’t realize we can see in. If you catch it at just the right angle, you might get an eyeful! The funniest part of the evening is when we pointed and laughed at the men standing there, and watched their faces as they realized that we could see them. Laughter and hilarity ensued.

After awhile of snickering on the inside at all the gel soaked spiked hairdo's and tight shirts with muted scrawls and broken words filling the shirts, I started my "F with you behavior". At the bar where we set up shop for the end of the night, a spiked haired, white dress shoe wearing, tight t-shirt guy got his drink and I noticed he also had a Kwame earring in his ear. (I didn’t see the other ear). I told him that I had those same earrings, just to see what he'd say. He said nothing actually, but he did look at me like I was a rash on his ass. Friendly, eh? There was the token funny dude who indulged us in our sarcastic banter. Due to him, my purse is now known as a cooler in which to house a 12 inch sub. It does truly look like that. It’s the perfect shape, and I think next time I get Subway; I'll bring it and show off my 'Sub Hub'. It’s not even worth it for me to tell you about the guy who stopped to chatter away as I yelled "BOB-AAAYYYY" to him. (You know like when Whitney screamed Bobby's name...Bobaaay!". Right, ya.

Here's the link to 'The Bank'. I think it’s worth a check out and a go to just cause its way cool, regardless of it being Tool-ville. The cover is only $5, and the drinks are not too badly priced. There is valet for $5, but a HUGE HUGE parking lot next door. Drinks were very reasonably priced. A martini was $8 and a mixed drink was only $6. I don’t know about the beer though, you'll have to let me know.

An Insomniac's Nightmare

2008-06-12T02:32:00.002-04:00

So, it's like 2-something, and I still cannot sleep. I hate not being able to sleep. I haven’t had this problem in a long time. Damn that night owl in me.
Last night I was also up until the crack of dawn. I did sleep in until like noon today though since I didn’t have to work until like 2, but I DID fall asleep last night around 2-something, only to be woken up at like 3:45am by my loud ass downstairs neighbor talking on his phone OUTSIDE. Ya, sound bounces off the other buildings in the courtyard. So I hear him arguing with his girlfriend. I am nosy and now awake so I try to hear what he is saying (he is on the phone) and his speech is so slurred I can’t understand, so I try to block it out. My window was open because it was such a nice night, but he kept laughing at her, and being a big jerk and being loud. I am kind of scared of my neighbors so I refrained from yelling "SHUT THE F UP!" really loud, so instead I took the passive aggressive route and slammed my window shut and turned on my air.
Tonight, I thought I could get some zzzz's around 1:00am. No, ohhh no. I hear my cat trolling around in my room. She never does this, she is either sleeping on the couch or on my bed or floor. So I hear her messing with something, so I get up and turn on the light and she is on top of my small dresser that has picture frames all over it. What is she doing? She NEVER does that. So I look at her like "what are you doing?" and I see her staring up at the ceiling. I look up and HOLY JESUS, I see the biggest moth EVER. OMG OMG OMG OMG. I do NOT do well with bugs of any kind especially those that fly. So crap, right. WTF, she can’t jump on the ceiling to kill it, and she is the biggest scardy cat ever to walk the earth. I can’t even believe she spotted it in the dark. So anyways, I go get the broom. If any of my neighbors from across the way spy on me through my window, they would have been laughing their arses off. Seriously, the thing flew and I freaked out swinging my broom to and fro. I am honestly surprised I did not break my lamp and knock over EVERYTHING in my path. Of course the bastard decided to go under my bed. Thank God nothing is under there, so I had to keep fishing it out all the while screaming and slapping the broom everywhere so it wouldn’t 'get me'. Ugh. I FINALLY after swatting it at it flying around me like a bat got it cornered and slapped the shit out of it with the broom. Just when I thought it was dead, nope, it wasn’t. I finally got it to the toilet and flushed that bastard.
So, now I am freakin wide awake and it’s now 2:45am. I have to again work at 2pm and can sleep in, but I do have some things to take care of tomorrow. I'll be freakin exhausted.

Everyday Normal Guy part 2

2008-06-09T01:03:00.003-04:00

As a treat for you, here is Everyday Normal Guy part 2 by my future husband who doesn't know it yet, Jon Lajoie. There is further proof in this song that we are meant to be. I also like the red peppers better than the green ones.
Scroll below for the original in case you missed it. If your at work, you might want to put your earphones in.
Pt2

Original:

Big Hair Will Just Have To Be In Again.

2008-06-05T21:37:00.006-04:00

I am really happy that warm weather is approaching. However, what I don’t care for is the humidity and rain and fog that accompany it. It doesn’t help my sinus/allergy problem I somehow acquired as an adult but it especially doesn’t do ANYTHING for my hair situation. I don’t know if you know or not, but my hair is quite curly naturally, and I usually wear it that way. Usually I do most of my straitening and blow outs in the winter because of no humidity and it won’t just curl up again. So, as you may or may not imagine the past couple of days my hair has grown in great proportions. Do you remember that episode of friends, where they all go to Barbados and its humid and rainy the entire time and Monica's hair is growing by the minute? That is what my hair is doing, and it’s making me laugh every time I go into the bathroom and see myself. Yesterday, by the time I was done working my hair was huge. I pulled it back into a pony tail and it ended up being a big afro-puff on the top of my head. Today, I pulled it back again. When I came home from work I let my hair down to relax and help my headache. It has a mind of its own right now. This can really only be summed up in a pictorial description. Please don’t be frightened by the sight of me, it’s night time and I'm tired, plus the camera on my laptop is not very flattering.

So, this is what I normally look like more or less with curly TAME hair:
(well, its a little longer now)

This is where I'm headed, Monica's big hair in Barbados, or Kramer:

This is what it actually looks like at the moment: (dear god, please dont send me hate mail)

Mother Nature? Please take pitty on me and my growing hair!!!

Oh God, I just went pass a mirror again, and it's grown since! IT's ALIVE!!! IT's ALLLLLLIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lets Mud Slide!

2008-06-05T19:29:00.003-04:00

The night the Red Wings won their 11th Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh, I was at a James Taylor concert. The crowd was obviously not rowdy or fun, but the deadness of the lawn was astonishing. My laugh echoed through the lawn 'seats'. If you needed to find me, you would have by following the laugh. The best part: We almost did a mud sled down the lawn. We thought we were smart by bringing a plastic piece of tarp to put under our blanket so we wouldn’t look like we pooped our pants because the ground was soaked and muddy still. The only spots on the lawn left were super steep spots so the minute I sat down, myself and V started sliding down almost bowling over people. It was the most humorous thing to happen in a while. That was fun; I almost wish we would have gone 'people bowling'.

I could have sworn I saw that jerk that left me at the BBQ strait away. I was about to mud surf down to knock him over the metal railing. Good thing I didn’t act before I realized it wasn’t him! It totally looked like him from behind, however this person didn’t have the thick psoriasis on his elbows in hues of red and white, (not in honor of the Red Wings), so I realized just in time, it wasn’t him.

Other look-a-likes spotted passing by:
Owen Wilson (donning a Wing's jersey)
The Blond Wilson sister from Heart, or Stevie Nicks, whichever you choose
Tailor Made (of I Love New York fame)
The lead singer from Crash Test Dummies (MMM MMM MMM MMM, song)

Self-Exile, PMS, and Overeating

2008-06-01T21:12:00.004-04:00

I wish I could say I have something interesting to write about today. In fact nothing quite as interesting as my last post has happened yet. I haven’t even received an apologetic phone call from him. No contact at all. Which is fine by me, since I never plan to see him again, but an apology to a 'friend' would have been the classy thing to do, but as we read, he is not at all classy.

I actually haven’t gone out socially all week or weekend, so it’s been a quiet week. I've worked a lot which is a plus and made me really sleepy, plus I'm PMSing which contributes to my exhaustion and abundant overeating this week.

I found a used bookstore by the salon where I work and I am so very excited about this. I heard they might close and if they do I might die. I would be the one girl in front of the store I've visited one time with a picket sign to save the store. "HELL NO DONT LET IT GO!” I hope what I heard was an utter lie from a
know-it-all at work. The store is not huge and overwhelming, but provides a non fickle reader with tons of options at an incredible deal. I bought 4 books for the price I'd pay for 1 at one of the huge bookstores. These are all books I would pay full price for. I, at one time, during my visit, had about 10 books in my hand. Obviously I had to scale it down and I went with 4 of them. A book by one of my favorite authors, Augusten Burroughs of Running With Scissors fame, also The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd of The Secret Life of Bees fame. I couldn’t leave without a James Patterson murder mystery; because I can’t get enough of that stuff (I heart Law and Order SVU..If I wasn’t such a wuss, I'd be on the force), and lastly of course I got a chick lit favorite, Meg Cabot's Size 14 Is Not Fat Either. I haven’t read Size 12 Is Not Fat, but they didn’t have that one, and this one will still be good, I can feel it. That was my exciting find for the week.

For the evenings, I spent my time alone mostly and read my books. I bought my books Thursday and I've already started my 3rd. My problem is I cannot put them down once I start, unless it’s a biography or something non-fiction. My imagination likes the fiction much better and is taken in immediately. I'm up until all hours, and I have dreams revolving around the characters in the book and the story line. It’s obsessive almost, really if you think about it.

Today I broke out of my non-social PMS behavior and did go to the movies for the first time since 27 Dresses. I am sure you can guess what I saw. If you guessed Sex in the City, you would be correct. Oh how I miss that show, and oh what a delight it was to watch a 2 1/2 hour episode on the silver screen. The movie was perfect, and as if no time at all had passed with the gals. They could have done without Jennifer Hudson, but the movie was still perfection. I won’t say much more for those who haven’t seen it, or bore the male readers who don’t care to see it.

I have to go, for my new obsession will be starting shortly, and I want to get a couple chapters of reading in before it starts. Yes, I am a dork, but the new Denise Richards show on E! makes me laugh. I'm such a girl dork.
Until next post! MUUUAHHH!

Beer Pong Your Way Outta Here

2008-05-26T22:40:00.005-04:00

Here's the BBQ low down some of you have been waiting for, or if your just checking this after your rockin holiday weekend, it goes a little something like this:

I have been hanging out with a guy for a few weeks now. I say hanging out because in fact I couldn’t be sure if these hang out sessions were dates or friendship. I am pretty clear now. I've known this person for quite some time, and we've been friends for a few years. We never really hung out so when we started to hang out, I was in wonderment about what was happening, but still just taking this as a friendship. I'd like to be the first to say that he was the one who always called me and who always invited me to do things.

So when he called me Sunday morning and invited me to a BBQ with him at his friend's house, I said 'yea, that sounds like fun' and got myself ready, drove across Metro Detroit to his apartment, and hopped in his car to go on to the BBQ. I knew no one there, and did ask if anyone of his friends that I did know from the past would be there. He wasn’t sure if two of the guys would be there or not, but I'm pretty friendly and can make convo with almost anyone, so it didn’t matter. So when we arrive at the house, we go out back to the party where there still were only a few people there, his sister included. We walked in together, and no one knew who I was. And they wouldn’t know who I was if I didn’t walk up to most everyone and introduce myself since I was left standing there while he walked up and chewed the fat with his friend at the grill. Oh ya, he also said hello to everyone there, which meant he knew them and not that he didn’t introduce me because he didn’t know who they were.

From the time I got there, pretty much, I was left to fend for myself. I made small talk with some people, grabbed a plate of food, tried to get in on his convo with his friend until everyone decided it was time to play 'tippy cup'. I am not one for drinking games, and never played them. Ever. I am not a beer drinker nor does getting as drunk as possible as fast as possible appeal to me. I hung on the sidelines for a little while watching a bunch of people slamming a beer and flipping cups until they stood on end. Finally to try to fit in more and not look like a dud, I obliged to play with my gin and tonic. After a few games we retreated back to the deck but no, there were others who now set up the beer pong table. (Yes, there were specific 8ft tables situated through the yard especially for beer pong and tippy cup). I watched this boring game for a while before meandering to the bathroom, buzzing by the food table again and laughing (not willingly) at the girls making jokes and acting 'funny'. So at this point a couple of the girls decided to play beer pong themselves, and I was invited to play. Ok, it was either that or sit there by myself, so I did, again with my Smirnoff’s I brought for emergency. This got incredibly boring so we quit and went on with other business. Oh, did I mention that there were two 16 year old girls there with their mother? That’s not abnormal for a BBQ right? Well it is when mom brings pudding and jello shots and gives them to the girls and also forces them to let them play tippy cup with real beer and alcohol. WTF. I get that teens will experiment with drinking, but I never was taken to a 'grown up' party with my mom and dad to drink and get wasted. I digress.
So I am on the bench talking to some of the gals at the party, and this dude who claims to be Philippine and a gang member. Where is the person who brought me to this BBQ all this time you ask? {Shrugging shoulders} not by me at all. Oh wait, maybe for five seconds to make the girls around me laugh because he is oh so charming and funny. He was playing beer pong for hours. Meantime, sis asks me if we're dating and I say I really don’t know, so that means no, we are just friends. She continues to tell me he is an ass, and not to ever let him walk all over me cause he will treat me like shit. Well, sis, you don’t need to tell me that twice because I certainly am not the type to let anyone walk all over me.
So, gangster is talking and gabbing my ear off thinking he is spitting game. Hey, I'll take it since at least someone is paying me attention. We get up and talk amongst the slew of people who showed up. He shows me some pop and lock and I laugh and we dance for like 20 seconds. I happen to see the guys that I do know, and start chatting with them, catching up on life and stuff. I am trying to socialize and mingle as much as possible counting down the minutes to leave. Oh, I forgot to mention that the 5 minutes this person did talk to me in between beer pong games, I asked for his keys, and he said he was fine, so now hours later and nowhere to be found, you can imagine I was not about to let him drive me anywhere.

However, a while later he shows his face while I'm talking to gangster, who by the way didn’t even know I was there with anyone. He is "checking up on me to make sure I'm ok". Yep, I've been ok this whole time. Thanks for your fake concern. He proceeds to say "I'm going to the bar. Do you want to go?" Um, do I WANT to go? I say "Why on earth are you going to the bar? There are a ton of people here, drinks here, and food. Why?" He says "I want to go; there are more people to see, you can stay and I"L come back and get you". I say dryly "Um, I am not going to the bar. I have no money and we are here." He went. He f'in went anyway. Just to be sure that my ears were not failing me, I went up front and his car was gone. Bye bye! So not only did the person I came with leave, but so did the gangster I was talking to. This leaves me now to hopscotch around to different groups of people. I find my other friends, and tell them what happened just now. I was pretty much fuming at this point. They were on my side telling me that though they are not surprised he would do that, that it was a shady move. So I receive a text from my one friend who is around town. "How was the BBQ” Me: "still here and on my own” Her: "literally?" I call her. I ask her to come get me since she lives near the town we are in. I get her the address and she pops it into her On star and jets over. Meantime, I thank the host for having me and that it was nice to meet her, and sit up front and wait for my ride. Meanwhile different people, who know what is going on, come up to sit with me while I wait. I do hear from around the corner from some dude "_____ left Stacey, that is F'in poor form". Thank you stranger, at least I am not the only one who thinks so.

My friend gets there, I hop in, and we drive to my car. I get almost halfway home before my dead phone on the charger starts to ring. I am not in the mood to talk to a drunk him about this at this point and time, so I ignore both of the phone calls. I didn’t receive a voice message, and I haven’t received a phone call since. I imagine today he is too hungover or scared to talk to me. I fully intend on letting him have it, trust me. I was not in the mood to try to reason with a drunken idiot at 1:30am while trying to drive and look out for drunk drivers so I am not killed.

I don’t care if we are not dating, because we are not, and never were. We are FRIENDS and you do not do that to a friend. Yes, I am chatty enough to talk to people and hold my own, and I do not need you up my ass or at my side the entire time, and I certainly will not follow you around like a puppy dog. But he invited ME there. Why? Why was I invited when he clearly didn’t want to spend time with his friend? I would never say, 'hey HugNkiss, MG, EM or Tom, want to go to a BBQ my friend is having and all my friends will be there' and then say 'hey, I’m going to the bar, see ya,' and leave you there by yourself until Lord knows what time. This is so reminiscent of things that happened when I was with my EX in high school. I am not willing to put up with that ever again.
Me, self sufficient, I left his ass at that party to drive only himself home drunk at whatever time he decided to leave the bar.

Yep, only me folks, only me.

Vauge Descript.

2008-05-26T13:05:00.002-04:00

Getting invited to a BBQ by a guy: Feels pretty good
Getting left at the BBQ so that guy can go to the bar while you know much of no one: Feels pretty shitty
Being self sufficient: Feels rockin awesome.

More to come after this Holiday Weekend. I need to simmer down just a little, but not too much, to present you with the facts in their truest emotion.

I'm off to a BBQ with FAMILY that I KNOW this time.
Hope your holiday is a blast.

Snark and Sarcasm Rocks my World

2008-05-24T12:41:00.005-04:00

Last night I plopped down at a martini bar in Novi with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We grabbed a couple stools and perched ourselves at the bar and ordered martini's. Her, dirty. Me, Cosmo. Chit chat begins on our week, month or however long it’s been since we'd really caught up. All of a sudden my ears perk up and my heart does a pitter patter. Did I really hear what I heard from behind my friend and over the awesome funky 80's set the DJ was spinning?? Yes, oh yes I did. One of the bartenders in that one moment of history stole my beating heart. I heard the most delightful snarky comment and I was in love. If you don’t know by now, I am sarcastic, and snarky, and sassy. When I hear a man do this in a manly way, I am done for.
Let me back up for a moment. When I got to the place, I had to pay $5 stupid dollars to get in. At a martini bar? Why? Whatever, I paid it, and made my comment to the overly groomed door money guy. "$5 to come here? Why?" He just looked at me and said "It could be worse". Um, hmmm. No, it couldn’t cause I don’t pay more than $5 *usually, to get in anywhere. So I told him if they tried to charge more than $5 for that bar, it would be dumb. He said the 'new' bar down the street charges $15. I snarkily asked him which one since I've been to most of them in the 2 mile radius. Tequila Rain was his answer. Mind you this bar from what I hear is closed. So I say...."eew, well those dumb tools and hoochies will pay for that trash” and I laughed, because well, I'm funny. When I looked up I had a stone cold look facing me. I think I might have offended him and his tight muscle shirt "bouncer" friends. I think he may have said something about that place being cool. So I just ran upstairs because this clearly was not my audience. Sorry you have to take money at a Martini Bar instead of standing on the wall and pumping your hand in the air while hooches dance on the bar at Tequila Rain. Sucks to be you. I digress.
So, back to the bartender love. So I hear from behind my friend. "Why don’t you go back to the kiddie bar and order that". OMG! It was like a dream sequence. Slow motion, cloudy air, harp music playing! The bartender just told these young guys to go to the "young peoples' bar (basically Tequila Rain) because the kid ordered a 'Red Bull and Vodka'. He schooled them on how to order a drink. If you order a Red Bull and Vodka, you are going to get a can of Red Bull and a glass of Vodka strait up. That is not how you order a mixed drink. You name the liquor first. So, he snarked it up and the 'boys' didn’t know what to say or do, they basically slammed that 'Red Bull Vodka" and got the hell out of there. I of course had to tell the bartender how awesome that was. Later when three tools came up to order drinks. (FITCH T's, gel spike hair, and they ALL wore white dress shoes...is this the new 'thing'??????) I wanted my bartender to get them but he later confessed that he ignored them because they are annoying. LOVE HIM. Ok, you probably think that he is a terrible bartender, but he was awesome besides the snark and sarcasm. I started getting my regular drink of Gin and Tonic (not tonic and gin) and he suggested a 'new' Gin and gave me a yummy drink for absolutely free. YAY, thanks!
We are ready to leave and I leave the love of my life behind me. I must let him lead his life and let him go. Well, besides that I asked him what his status is. He's engaged and I was devastated.

Dont Drink and Massage

2008-05-17T22:16:00.003-04:00

As a massage therapist, I know the rules of what to do and what not to do, so how could I forget? I did folks. I traded massages last night with a fellow massage therapist, and I went to the bar immediately afterwards. What is wrong with that you may say? Nothing, however, one of the 'rules' if you will, is do not drink after you receive a massage. Why? Well, because things are so free flowing through the body now, that what you put into your body is heightened, by a lot. So, I didn’t even think about it and trotted out to the Polish Neighborhood bar. I was wondering why after a half of a drink I was feeling way too buzzed, but I kept going to my normal limit of drinks. I felt fine as I left, just a little buzzy, I could walk and talk fine. So, I wake up this morning, feeling drunk. It's like I continued to drink in my sleep or an IV of Gin was hooked up to my arm. I, of course, woke up when I was supposed to LEAVE for work, so I had to dash out of the house with last night’s makeup on my face and my hair in a ratty bun. Needless to say, I had a fully booked day (five massages) and felt like I wanted to die the entire time. Vomiting in the AAA parking lot on my way to work, trying not to heave over the back of my clients, and trying to hold in other things that want to escape when you feel bad, if you catch my drift.
A message to you: Do not drink for at least 5 hours after you receive a massage. It will eff you up and brings you down for an entire day!

Side note: Don’t try to find I-75 driving down 7mile, McNichols, or John R. It's kind of scary, and you see things you'd rather forget. We had safety in numbers in the car, but nothing could protect our eyes from the hoochie mamas walking to the liquor store.

Beware, Narsty Butt Pictures Enclosed

2008-05-11T11:41:00.005-04:00

Friends and neighbors,
I was invited to a party last night with HugNKiss, and we attended. It was your normal party but with a pretty cool clubhouse/garage set up. There was an awesome juke box in the corner (some questionable music was programmed, but that is my issue), there was a tiki bar set up in the corner and a poker table along the other wall.
There was pizza and the booze was provided. Who does that anymore? Awesome people do. We tried to learn how to play poker. I think Texas Hold'em. I am not sure. I got through the lesson with many questions, and tried my hardest to play. The teachers weren’t fun (in our standards), so I got bored quickly, and I know I forgot everything they told me. I am not one to retain "how to play cards" rules. Never have. But it was fun. I tried to bluff on every hand betting lots o chips, but I guess that doesn’t really work when you’re not playing with real money. I think I did win a couple times which made me think I could be a high roller in Vegas. I was more interested in watching more magic tricks from the guy with highlights who made my lighter disappear. Yea, my attention span goes toward amazing things rather than learning when I'm drinking. But hey, I love a good magic trick on the fly.

The host of the party is a really nice guy, so what I am about to say has no reflection on him, except maybe he has some skewed vision in his choice of some people to invite to parties. There was the typical crowd you see at every party. There were the girls who talk to no one but themselves, but talk about everyone around them. Ok, fine, we do that too, but we're not too good to not talk to anyone else. I may have said that the hat on the one girl frightened me, and that she walked off stage at a Four Non Blondes Concert, and the ratty haired mom jeans donner couldn’t take her eyes off us to talk about our non hats. There was the elfish weird guy who probably still plays D & D humping the chair in some weird dance to David Bowie. There was the douche bag loud mouth drunk guy with the huge holes in his ears. When he turned around, can I just tell you about his hair? He had a fade, and in the fade, was three stars stenciled in. Ok Vanilla Ice all growned up. I wonder if he had lines shaved out of his eyebrows too. I didn’t get close enough to look. There was that girl who had to be the center of all the men’s attention by being loud mouthed and obnoxious. Trying to be tomboy sexy but really just annoying as hell. I had to ignore her in order for her to get the F out of our faces when we were trying to learn poker. Because two of the men were now paying us some kind of attention (teaching us poker) she ran over and screamed something in her awful annoying voice. I gave her 'that look', and she was quick to say "Hi I am blah blah, I'm obnoxious and annoying" Yes, you are, get away.

So the night goes on, we are talking to two normal girls who came with two guys that I happen to know. When they leave to go to the tiki bar to get a refill on drinks, the host yells "WHO WANTS SHOTS!". We ignore the invite but running in the garage from the hot tub is Annoying Girl.....and guess what. GUESS! She is freakin butt ass naked. NAKED. RUNNING. INTO A ROOM FULL OF CLOTHED PEOPLE. See, I am facing the door, and HugNKiss is facing me, and doesn’t see right away why my eyes became wide and then me hiding my eyes all the while trying not to go into fetal position and thinking of rainbows and puppy dogs. This girl not only ran in naked, but ran in naked with her nipple rings danglin all around. They were dangle earrings for nipples. I guess for an unhealthy attention seeking behavior, all eyes would be on you if you ran into a party naked. Skank. So she runs up to the bar like she is fully clothed and who comes traipsing in about 30 seconds behind her??? Vanilla Ice Hair guy. Butt ass naked, too, holding his wang in one hand. Well not holding it as to be exposed (thank God) but covering it. I am not sure the party knows what to do at this point. Well, the creepy older guy sitting at the tiki bar does. He thought he'd caress the naked girl's ass. Gross dude. This aint that kind of party. Well, apparently it turned into that kind of party. What, you don’t believe me? I have proof. Yes, I whipped it out too...my camera phone that is. Just for you kiddos:

Notice how the girl on the stool next to them is leaning away? Yea, people are pretty grossed out. Vanilla Ice Dude must have thought it was cute that I was taking pictures due to his 'seductive' look back at me. Not cute VID, just documenting and pretty disgusted. I have wanted attention of everyone around me at some point in my life, we all do. We've all at one point even been that loud person thinking everyone would listen. People (not me) go naked in the hot tub all the time at parties (so I hear), but what in the hell is wrong with you if you think it’s a fabulous idea to run into a perfectly fine party like that? I say you have some serious issues and probably need help because you have ASD. I think that is a real clinical disorder. Attention Seeking Disorder. If it’s not, it should be diagnosed on those two fools. Grow up and please put some clothes on.

Do I need to say that we peaced out right after this disgusting display took place? I don’t think I do.

Potty Photog

2008-05-08T00:04:00.003-04:00

I just thought of hilarious workplace antics that used to take place at my old place of employment. I must share, however embarrassing it may seem. I worked in your typical cube farm. You get antsy and cabin fever, yes. I worked with a friend I'd had known for years before I started working there. We didn't work in the same department or floor so we kept in touch all day via email and text messages. For some reason, we thought going to the bathroom was hysterical and had to tell each other every time it was time to pee or better "drop trou", "drop the kids at the pool" or whatever other fancy way to say POOP we made up. He is male, but would use the stall every time. And of course the woman's bathroom was all stalls.

We started doing this thing where we'd snap a picture of the toilet flusher, toilet paper on the floor or the purse hook on the back of the door, send it to each other, and say things like "guess where I am!" or "Thinking of you". I once got a picture from him pretending to be 'trying really hard' if you know what I mean. We would get more and more creative with our restroom photography also. I'd start snapping pictures in between the door where you can kind of see out to the person washing their hands and saying "can you guess who that is?" in the text. I've taken a picture of my shoes sitting on the toilet, he's taken a picture of his head wrapped in toilet paper, I've taken one of the toilet seat cover on the seat of the toilet (nothing in the toilet thank you). Pictures were taken spraying the Lysol and plugging our nose with our fingers. Yes, we were that bored, but boy did it provide some entertainment for laughing throughout the day. Immature? Maybe. Gross? Probably to most. Fun? Hells ya.
You know you are now thinking about doing this and wanting to make that person laugh in their meeting with the big wigs tomorrow. You know you are, or you possibly already have done this. Let me give you some tips and pointers.
-No need to be in there alone. Put the shutter of your camera on silent on your phone, its there in the options. I once heard someones shutter on their phone going off in the bathroom which creeped me out (yes, even though I do it too!)
-Hide your phone in your purse, your pocket, or if you keep it on your belt its normal, but be sure it doesn't fall into the toilet. That sucks.
-Creativity is the best for hilarity, but build up to it. If you do it all at once, there is nothing to build from.

This should be a You Tube video, and it possibly may be in the making. Don't steal my shizz, beotches!

Happy picture messaging!