Silence is usually loud and clear

I’m done. I’ve had it. Finite! My venture of putting myself out there and remaining open and vulnerable has left me with rejection, again. So be it. I did what I did. I don’t necessarily regret it but damn, do I feel stupid. It’s the truth. I know, blah blah, you’ll find someone, blah blah, you must remain open to love, blah blah BLAH! Frankly, I’m tired of hearing that crap, regardless of the intention behind the sentiment. I’m quite tired of all the “oh I’m so in love” Facebook status updates, and I am sick to death of having hope for a “great love”. It’s exhausting and I want it to take a rest.

There is only so much one person can do and absorb before you step back and have enough. I was quite clear in my openness and the lack of reciprocation I received was enough to give me the hint. It happens, I know, and now it’s time to move on and moving on is what I am doing. There is insurmountable truth in “He’s just not that into you”. Take that ladies, take it and use it when you think maybe he is scared, or broken, or gun shy. Yes, they may be scared, broken, and gun shy, but only for so long. At some point a man who is truly interested in a woman steps up to those fears and does something about them. Unfortunately, he will someday, with someone worth it to him.

I find myself in an odd spot of self loathing, an “I am stronger than this” attitude, and ‘what is wrong with me / what is wrong with him’ tug of war. I’m going to drive myself insane trying to figure that crap out. What I can figure out is that silence is usually loud and clear. When I stopped ‘trying’ and stopped contacting him, I heard nothing. There was my answer. Passive aggressive? Yes, but we weren’t exactly great communicators with each other.

This is really all I want to say about this right now. I can’t say that I won’t fall into a weak moment while moving on, but where I stand is in giving up on this one.