Dating Update by Dateless in Detroit

Remember when I said I joined that free dating website for research purposes? I posted here about that crazy email I got, remember? Anyhow, I did end up on a few dates with one guy from the site. Super nice fella and we had fun a couple of times. The end of our dating streak happened last week when his indecisiveness and my unwillingness to compromise my ‘feelings’ collided.

I guess you can say that it’s not meant to be when this sort of thing happens. I liked him well enough, but I found I wasn’t really into it. We had some fun, didn’t have a whole lot in common, but were able to have a conversation, and he sure did seem to like me a lot. I am not going to go on about how awful he was like in some of my more famous posts, like the bee guy, because he wasn’t awful or weird or insane. He was normal but I wasn’t feeling it. We haven’t communicated with each other in a week, and I’m sure it’s due in part to him making more out of something than he should have. I would have reached out to explain or stroke his broken ego, but like I said, I am not really feeling it anyways, time got away from me, and now it just seems like it’s too late to try to ‘repair’ anything.

Our last scheduled date never happened because basically he was light on cash and couldnt figure out what to do. This was NOT the issue. Let’s get that out of the way now. The issue was that we would have to meet at 9pm or so on a Tuesday night, and there aren’t a whole lot of free dates at that time. He couldn’t come up with something to do, and I didn’t want to suggest something because “light on cash” means something different to a lot of people. I also assumed it meant he didn’t have any cash to spend, which is fine, but there is nothing to do here at night without money.

He was obvious about the fact that he was upset that I didn’t want to spend time on one of our couches and watch a movie. I know this might not be a huge deal to most people, but for me, it’s a personal thing. You’re in my home, or I’m in yours and we barely know each other and we are there and ‘there’ leads to snuggling, etc, and I just wasn’t ready for that with him. Perhaps because I was questioning if I was really interested in taking this more long term; regardless, I was not willing to do this and I wasn’t going to compromise what my decision was. I was also not willing to go meet two of his friends, sit in their house and watch TV. That is even more of a ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ scenario than the one before. So, without plans, we canceled the evening. Neither of us has heard from the other since.

After this happened I started to question myself. Is there a deeper issue? What is the matter with me? There is a perfectly nice man who really seems to like me and want to spend time with me and I let it go. I am starting to wonder if my independence has gotten the best of me. I am self sufficient. I can do everything by myself and for myself, I really don’t need anyone. I am set in my ways, I like my space and I do what I want when I want. This is what happens when one is single for as long as I have been. Am I unwilling to let someone interrupt my self sufficient life? Am I so independent that I can’t let anyone into my home?

After some debating and hashing out with girlfriends I realize that I do need to let myself be less in control when I am trying to let someone in. However, I still will not sacrifice and settle for something I am not completely feeling. I know that when I meet someone that I really like and am ‘into’, I will compromise my ‘ways’ and naturally (without self force) will do things that I wasn’t comfortable doing in this instance. I think it will come naturally when it’s right. When it’s not, it seems forced and contrived and it’s really not fair to either person to pretend. So I didn’t. Stay tuned. There really isn’t any excitement going on with this particular dating site, so I may have to move my efforts elsewhere. Time will tell.

Cheers!