Step on a Crack and Break Your Mother's Back?

Bad luck happens in threes. My ass it does. Maybe 300's. I had such hopes and desires for 2010. I had dreams of a new decade with a clean new start and getting ahead just a little bit. The cliché that is full of shit is 'good things happen to those who wait'. Let me say something...I've never once seen someone who truly deserves a better life ever really get one. I've seen the fuckers who treat people like shit and step all over people climb the life ladder. Yes, there are those few who truly get the life they deserve, and that matters, but it is more common that the assholes get ahead. We are in month #3 now, and all of my friends call me the bad luck magnet. I've been asked if I've run over a black cat for extra bad luck, broken a few mirrors, or if a black crow has flown into my house. The answer is 'not to my knowledge' on all counts. At this point all I can do is find this streak of horrid luck humorous. I'm never surprised at what kinds of things may happen to me on a daily basis and find it odd when it’s an unusually quiet day. Instead of crying or having a panic attack when things seem to get too overwhelming, I laugh now. Defense mechanism? Possibly. Future breakdown in the works? Possibly. At this point, there isn’t much I can do, so I laugh. Sometimes I get creeped out by how hard I actually laugh at this luck, but I have to, or I will sink into a deep dark mean spirited depression. What? You thought I could be even meaner? Yes, I can be downright nasty if I want to be. And I don’t want to be that nasty. It's pretty scary. I had this thought that if I laid out the major things that have gone wrong this year, then maybe the curse would be lifted and I'd be free to pursue all the things with success that I've hoped and dreamed for 2010.

The first thing that happened this year was my purchase of new tires. I get anxiety with any big purchase because I have to put it on credit. By the way, I don’t want to hear lectures about credit cards. When you don’t have a pot to piss in and you need something as bad as I needed tires, you have to suck it up and put it on a credit card. After a routine oil change at the Firestone next to the spa, I got a call from the mechanic telling me, desperately, that I am driving on the most dangerously bald tires he'd seen. I knew they were extremely bald and was incredibly nervous for the snow to come and drive in it, so I bit the bullet and forked over $400 for tires. Ok, I got chest pains and had mini anxiety attacks for the greater part of the day, but by the evening I got over it. This same night I went to my cousin's house for a visit and when I left, I realized when I got home that someone smashed into my door and took off. My entire door was a dented smash-in. If that isn’t a shitter, I found out the next day my insurance doesn’t cover this, and another $400 for the deductible was required. FML right? At the same time this was happening, my hours at work got cut in half, which meant my paychecks would be cut in half. On top of this, the medication I was on (not for mental issues, I swear!) was no longer covered by my medical insurance. Surprise when I went to fill it! After all this, a string of less dramatic events happened, but none the less bad luck. I got another ticket for speeding while stopped at a red light ($$), yes, you heard me correctly. I have to pay the state for taxes because apparently in my state of poverty I didn’t give them enough money to pay for the Governors’ car payments ($$). Jobs I am qualified for won’t even call me for an interview and I do things like fall, stub my toes, break jars of spaghetti sauce all over my kitchen, and make an ass out of myself in front of suitable single men.

Shit, my life seems like it’s pretty suckerific right? It is right now as of month #3. I am still trying every day to make this year, this start of the decade, something that will be life changing. I have to try or that nasty in me will come out. I've made some goals like writing more as you may have noticed from my sudden influx of blog entries. I've committed to helping friends by volunteering for their causes that they are investing their life and time into. This makes me feel especially good because I'm helping people in need, helping my friends, and doing things worthwhile with my time that costs me no money at all. I have been more aggressive in my job search, looking for more writing opportunities and more networking opportunities. I am really hoping that all of this pays off, and I will stay motivated. Some days, I have to tell you, its freaking hard.

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that gave me an epiphany. We were talking about the job search and the lack of jobs available. We all know the state of affairs Michigan is in right now. As we were talking about her organization she suggested that I try looking for jobs in the nonprofit sector. Even though they generally do not pay that much, it’s something I'd excel at. My word, she may be on to something. I love helping others. Love it. You can ask anyone who knows me that I am pretty selfless. I can actually say with conviction that I am the most unselfish person I know. I may sound like a complainer here in this venue, but this is my diary. My very private thoughts and experience. I share them with you. In real life, I don’t go on and on about some of the things I go on and on about here. I am pretty modest, so it’s hard for me to say that I am always willing and wanting to give a hand in anything anyone needs. A new goal of mine is now to search the non-profit sector for more volunteer opportunities and job opportunities. I am more motivated helping others, be it finding people to connect them with for their charities or helping someone move or helping someone through a hard time. I am much less motivated to try and get a business of my own up and running. I've tried this a few times on a relatively small scale, but I don’t have the drive and motivation for things that benefit me and my business. I excel helping others endeavors succeed and prosper. I do these things not to get ahead or because 'good things happen to good people', but because I truly feel complete doing them. My friend, thank you for the enlightenment. I think we may be on to something.

~Cheers