Catch of the Day That's Never Ordered

Why do I always fall for the highly emotionally passionate men who are emotionally unavailable? When will I learn? I feel like maybe I am attracted to this type of personality because I too, am highly emotionally passionate. When I love, I love hard. When I hurt, I hurt hard. When I hate, I hate hard. It's exciting and it's meaningful. I know because of how I am, that these emotions are real and not conjured up in the mind of someone who is pretending. I've been with the emotionally safe men. I've been with the guy who is perfectly nice and perfect in every way, yet I was incredibly bored. BORED. There was no emotion, no fiery explosion of anything, nothing behind his eyes that told me anything. I cannot deal with boring. But boring has been what I've asked for, yet, now that my once dead fervor is now fired up in every which way they can be I'm still drawn to the bad for me. I always want what is bad for me. Not that he is a bad person, just right now, bad for me, because he is bad for himself in his own mind.

In my current situation, I need to have a chat with myself. While talking to a friend tonight, she asked "Why do you need to categorize your feelings right now?" I need to make an assessment of the situation, I've decided. I need to make sense of this and I need to make a decision about how to feel. I need to make sense of this all in my brain.

I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough for him. Talking myself out of it, makes it a lot easier to get through. Truth is, I haven't had these feelings in quite a while so I don't know what to do with them other than try my tactics to reduce my feeling of rejection. It's hard to be told from someone else the nice things he said about me, about me being so awesome and amazing and that I deserve someone who is going to treat me right. I'm always a great catch, never THE catch. Moving on, probably slowly.