I am holding out on you, I know. I am holding off on eSmarmony Installment #3 for a reason. Mainly because of every time I write it, something happens where I can’t post it because it simply isn’t true anymore or I am proven wrong in my thought process, because you should know if you don’t, that what I write is pure truth on what happens to me and what I am thinking. There is a lot of stuff going on, and I just want to see how it pans out before I go all Dateless on you or them or him or it.
Today’s post may be a little reflective or ramble-some. Find it boring if you will, but it’s what I need to do right now.
Most times, I would be pissed if I didn’t get a returned phone call after a date, or if something kind of fizzled out by way of communicating after a date. But I realized something recently when I took some advice from myself and from the late Tupac. I just don’t care; I have no reason to at this point in the game, right? I mean, really why should I? I go out on one date and talk to someone for a week and I think I am entitled to daily calls and if you don’t ask me to go out the very next day then it’s over? No. And before you go all feminist on me, I just want to say that of course, I deserve someone who wants to spend every waking moment with me. I know all about the 'he’s just not that into you rules', and stuff. I know this, but I cannot expect that from everyone or immediately. Let’s be F'in realistic here.
I've realized I've grown up in that respect, because guess what? Aside from the date with the guy who brought the bee, I am not pissed at any of the others who stopped calling, didn’t request a second date, or have contacted me sporadically or started contacting me again weeks after our date. Because I have no reason to be mad at these people. What did they do to me? Nothing. They didn’t stand me up at the altar; they didn’t even stand me up for a date. And before the conversation I had tonight, I was not mad at all, and still am not. I was just kind of like WTF for a while. But because I am an honest person and so is this person, we were able to just be candid and say it. Remember this post? But then I realize people have shit going on. Life happens and we don’t want to involve someone we just met, rightfully so, and I have no reason to be mad about that. I certainly wouldn’t spill the drama or stress of my daily life with someone I just met. To this person's credit, even though we haven’t had the exciting conversations we'd had previous to our date and on our date, he has made an effort to contact me each day, no matter how brief. And with the candidness and honesty that we both openly possess, just seeing where the chips fall while stuff is going on is a decision we agreed on. So either way, can’t be mad. Can only just live and see what happens.
I don’t know why the sudden less 'hard ass' approach I am having to dating, but maybe that was my problem all along. I wrote many a dates off for mere things. Why? Because I don’t know what’s going on with their lives? Why do I need to be mad? It is NOT about me that they haven’t called, or maybe it is. I don’t know that, so why be pissed for no reason at all. It makes no difference in my daily life, so let’s just live. The hard ass approach is easy, too. It’s easy to write someone off you just met. Why? Because you have no emotional ties to that person. It’s not even worth it. What is not so hard ass is that I assume it’s about me. How selfish. I mean, yes, let’s be honest, it could be about me, and probably is most of the time, but it’s not always. Sometimes the person is having a shitter of a time with work, their dog ran away, and they are reflecting on their past experiences while relating to these life stressors and withdrawal. Wouldn’t you withdrawal? I sure as hell wouldn’t feel like chumming it up and pretending to be positive and happy while trying to get to know someone. Shit. That is harder work than just stepping back for a minute, a few weeks, or forever.
I probably spilled a little too much of things in this post, but it is what it is, and you can’t be mad at me right? You just read my post about not being mad, so stiffen up that upper lip and get over it. ;) Cheers.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
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2 comments:
way to be self-reflective and take a step back. you're right. it's not always about you. people do have things that go on that aren't always easy to talk about when you're just getting to know someone. and those peeps weren't meant to be anyway so for whatever reason they are gone, they are gone. make the most of the moment and now. way to recognize!!
sm
The word I have used for these type of dating scenarios you speak of is "baffling". I am sure there is a better way of putting these scenarios into words where the communication just stops but when you take into account the whole thing it makes you wonder. Agree with SM though - it will all work out for a reason when it is all said and done.
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