Tool Academy

There is a new guilty pleasure to watch on VH1. Ever since I got my cable back, I've been lost as to what to watch anymore, but I've found my groove again. My guilty pleasure --reality TV shows on cable TV.

The newest show to hit the VH1 Sunday night Reality lineup is Tool Academy. It’s right after the millionth Rock of Love season with the ever aging horrid Bret Michaels trying to find love amongst a clan of skanks.

Tool Academy is for my amusement and appaulment at the way Tools, (AKA Douche Bags, AKA DBs, AKA Deebs, AKA Baggers, AKA Smarm Schiester McFarsons) act, treat their girlfriends, and think they are God's gift. It’s quite amusing, and it only justifies my irritation and total hatred towards men, (term used lightly,) like this.

Let me back up a moment. If you dont know what a tool, Douch bag, DB, Deeb, Bagger, or a Smarm Sheister McFarson is, I will explain in the simplest terms. This is the dude you see in the club possibly without a shirt on, or if he does, its unbuttoned down to his belly button, or its a skin tight white cotton tee shirt, white 'dress' shoes, over plucked eyebrows, obvious really fake tan, has hair jelled and spiked out horrifyingly terrible ala the Gotti Brothers, thinks he's God's gift, wears sunglasses at night, drinks vodka and redbull/jaeger bombs, loud mouthed, and is hitting on all the women in the club. Oh, and they say "bro" a lot. There, that may have cleared it up a bit.

The premise of the show is that the 'tools' think they are going to be on a show called 'Mr. Awesome' competing for the title of...dum du dunnnn, "Mr. Awesome" and will walk away with a handsome sum of money. They embarrass themselves on national television acting like the Deebs that they are in a catwalk show, and in interviews putting down their girlfriends, admitting, er rather, bragging about how often they cheat on their girlfriends, and etc, etc, etc. Well, little do these tool-bags know, their girlfriends are watching EVERYTHNG.

When the tools are told the brutal truth, that they are on a show called 'Tool Academy' and not to be competing on who is the 'awesomest', they are disgruntled, embarrassed and scared for their lives as their girlfriends walk through the door peering at them with death looks. Oh ya, but whoever wins 'Tool Academy' still gets a handsome sum of money.

The couples go through group couple therapy sessions, compete in challenges that test their skills on communications, romance, and more. Each week a tool gets eliminated, which means they are too much of a tool to want to change into a person with integrity and feeling, and the girlfriend of that tool has to decide at that time, weather it’s the last straw and to stay with or dump the sorry bastard.

It’s so great. These idiots are still in the mode of not loosing face on television, so they act out in reality television heaven. Tonight was the first episode, and many of the girls found out about their infidelity and how the tools felt about their "bottom bitches" as one tool called his girlfriend of 9 years. One tool actually bragged about how he had trained his girlfriend to do all the housework, while she was watching this in front of him and everyone else.

Sorry, yea, other people’s horrid experiences are entertaining, why do you think they put the show on the air? To entertain us so we can scream at the television in horror at the sorry excuses for men and scream at the women wondering what in the hell they are doing with these men anyways. The first guy that got the boot tonight was in their opinion the biggest deeb of them all, he actually got his stupid ass girlfriend to not dump him and leave with him. Talk about dumb asses. Grow a pair! When she asked him why he wanted to make it work when he (not convincingly) said he wanted to be with her if she did, he said "don’t worry about it". Oh? Um, swoooon? Let’s get married. Friggin dumb dumb. Go find yourself a respectable man.

Here's the VH1 trailer to get you acquainted with the show. Yay! Another avenue to make fun of and hopefully make all Tools and DBs feel like the friggin embarrassment that they are.