I miss you

A few notes about what I've been up to. I have had zero time to keep up my blog, and I do appologize-- if I have any readers left. I've been working on a site called examiner.com as a Dating Advice Advisor. (I wrote about it here) I'd LOVE for you to go to my page and click the 'subscribe button' so that you can get alerted on every new article I write. It would help me grow and also you can read my articles! Score!
http://www.examiner.com/x-22732-Detroit-Dating-Advice-Examiner

I've also just recently joined Twitter as well. You can find me at Stacey__D We'll see if that's fun. Not sure yet. LOL!



Cheers!

Another dope video by my future husband, Jon Lajoie

Oh this is so funny. a la Lajoie style. digg. Love him? More at www.jonlajoie.com

WTF COLLECTIVE (Jon Lajoie) - watch more funny videos

Repower America while shooting whiskey

There is this well known little under-rated hole in the wall bar called "Whiskey in the Jar" in Hamtramck. It is a place for the neighbors of 'The Whiskey' and for lovers of the dive bar from the burbs. The Whiskey is a place where you feel comfortable and everyone knows your name. Literally. Sometimes they even scream it out as you walk in; a la "Cheers". If you have been there even once before, the bartenders know your drink and have it poured before you even get to the bar. If you’re a newbee, you are blessed with a complimentary shot of Jezy. It’s just tradition. Along with all of the charm of a dive bar with a Jukebox that plays everything from New Edition to Incubus, environmental activism has become an integral part of one bartenders quest to save the planet.

Augie, the activist bartender, has been working for an environmental group, REPOWER AMERICA, writing letters and getting petition signatures. He has turned the bar crowd into a great resource for petitioning, letter sending, and as a base of operation. He always has his clipboards ready for you to write a letter to your senator asking for support of clean energy. Augie brings new patrons in and makes new friends by telling everyone he meets to come see him at the Whiskey, and they always do. He mixes activism with shots of Jezy....match in heaven right?

Augie has used the bar in a positive way to get people involved in the political process in a way that is so easy and takes hardly any involvement, all in less time it takes to drink a Jack and Coke. Augie mans the bar at the Whiskey on Thursday and Friday nights if you want to get involved and do something simple to save the planet.

My New Gig as Detroit Dating Advice Examiner!

Hey hey there Dateless readers. I have some news. I haven't written in a while, but I've been writing. I am now a writer on Examiner.com, Detroit edition. I have the title of Detroit Dating Advice Examiner. I've been busy at my other jobs, yea, and been trying to write on topic articles for this little gig I picked up. Its a bit challenging since I am so used to writing in blog form, and being sassy and upfront about things, so I'm getting used to something new.

I wanted to share the link with my readers. This is a pretty cool gig for me. Its a little less sassy, and I'm trying to find my way into classy sassy.

It pays, but not well, and where I get paid is from you. My readers. Please, please please go to my site often and subscribe to my page. The subscription button is right by my picture, which, by the way, is going to be changed soon. I don't like what it looks like on my site. so please, please, help a sister out by spreading the word to all of your friends. My advice is pretty unbiased in regard to gender so its for everyone.

I also ask that if you have any topics you'd like to see me write about, please, please drop me a line or comment and let me know. I'm in search of ideas all the time, and could use your help as well.

Here's the info! let me know what you think!!!

http://www.examiner.com/x-22732-Detroit-Dating-Advice-Examiner

CHEERS!!!!
~DiD

The Last Standing

I just realized as I got my laundry together that in the past week or so, I've gone nowhere and wore nothing but work clothes. All of my jeans are still clean, and all of my 'good' shirts are still clean. I did enough going out for the first 3 weeks of August to last 5 months. It was my birthday then HNK's birthday right after, and there were several outings. This past week, none. I've had a lot of time to sit and think, which can be a thing I wish I didn’t do.

I am the last of my friends. The last to be single. FINALLY! I have been waiting for this to happen, and now, I am wondering what my role really is. What do I do? What should I do? I am not certain. I am at a crossroads if you will, that won’t last long, but here I am. I am so happy each of my friends has found a love, a love I can say is great, because I can feel it radiating off them. I feel things like that. Take it as you will, but that is something I possess, a gift or something else. It’s well known in my close knit circle of friends that when I give my "Stacey Stamp of Approval", it’s for real. I don’t give it very often nor lightly. I have a certain penchant for the 'vibe', and I take it seriously, which is how (I think) I can eliminate dates before they get too involved.

For those who know me, you know (or maybe you don’t) that I am oblivious to people who think I am attractive. I have no concept of it. I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t think about it or if I just assume that no one does. This is something yet to be determined. I was given a good piece of 'self advice' recently. They said "walk into a room as if at least one person thinks you are hot, because the truth is, at the very least, one person thinks so". I never thought like that before, and was taken aback by the mere though that that would be true. I honestly, just go about my business and don’t even think about it...but fact is, if I 'know' there is someone in this room that thinks I am the cat's meow, then a certain vibe will radiate from me, and make me more 'available' if you will. I realize, I tend to shy away from the looks in the eye and the compliments, except for those who typically find me attractive. I roll my eyes, and say "here we go again" either out loud or to myself. I WANT to find someone to love and who loves me equally (or more) BUT, I am not actively looking for it. I do not want to look. Do. Not. Want. To. Look. I am tired of looking. I am tired of trying. Is that wrong? No, I don’t think so. As I've stated before, I feel like looking is just interrupting the natural process of the unexpected. I want the unexpected, and I want the extraordinary, but I cannot actively seek it. It goes against all odds.

Extraordinary. What does that mean? I don’t know. I attribute that to how the person will make me feel. The movies has a LOT to do with this. I love romantic comedies, but I hate them at the same time. They may paint an unrealistic picture of how falling in love is really like. Wait, might? They DO! I mean, how many times have you heard a story about how two of your friends got together and you said, "That is JUST like 'Bridget Jones', 'He's Just Not That Into You', 'The Notebook', or whatever. Never, right? Great. I live in a dreamworld. But, I do know that I want the extraordinary, the greatest thing possible, for ME.

eSmarmony Installment #3—The End of the eSmarm Regime

It’s been a long time coming, but here is the last installment of the eSmarmony series. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, here is Install #1 and Install #2.


My eHarmony membership lasted a total of 3 months. That is quite enough for me, thank you. I have not been a member now for 1 month. 1 glorious month. Even though I had been on more dates through eHarmony than I had in the past 2 years, I kind of wish I hadn’t. As you’ve read, my dates were horrid, boring, and downright weird. I’m now done. Done with the online dating service thing. There are some who mistake my ‘giving up’ as giving up on matters of the heart all together, and that simply isn’t true. I’ve just told someone that I am done ‘looking’. If it happens it happens, and that I am completely open to that. I want something ‘by chance’. I don’t want to have to search it out. I want the unexpected and I want extraordinary. I’m not apologizing for that either. And extraordinary doesn’t have to mean model good looks or rich or whatever someone may think it is. For me extraordinary will be how that person makes me feel.

What I took out of the experience is that I, as a woman, want to be pursued, courted, and know that you are interested. In turn, I am more apt, or comfortable, if you will to pursuing you as well. (You, meaning in general, men, not anyone in particular) If you don’t make the effort, then clearly “you’re just not that into me”. That is totally fine, because nothing is lost except maybe my respect for you depending on the manner in which you let me know “you’re just not that into me”. I’m not sure if these men or some men in general don’t seem to understand that this is still a process that actually works. I actually had to explain what ‘courting’ means to one date. This date abruptly stopped communicating with me after our first date, and 1.5 months later, contacted me again wanting to start it up again. (Start what up? We went out on one ‘OK’ date?) I obliged because I am a nice person and he wasn’t a terrible person. In the second ‘first’ date, he had asked why we stopped talking and that we shouldn’t wait so long to go out again. Me, being the honest Abe that I am, told him why we stopped talking. He abruptly stopped communication a day after our date, and that I like to be courted, pursued, showed interest in. This is when I had to tell him what courting was, in the most primitive sense, and that in present day, it’s not so ‘primitive’ but still exists. He really didn’t know what it was, it’s not like I gave him schooling unsolicited. I never heard from him again. Maybe it could have been because of his awkward holding me tight hug and disaster of trying to kiss me thing, but still. And again, nothing lost.

Summing up, eHarmony didn’t really work for me. It was a tiring long process of weeding through people or waiting for them to send you ‘matches’. Process from 1st stage to date could take a month, and I’m a little too busy to sit and weed through undesirables all day. I don’t know about you, but I have a job (3 of them) and don’t have that kind of time. I know you know someone whose sister’s friend met her most wonderful husband on eHarmony. That is fabulous for them. But for me, I’m done with it. But I am not done with wanting to be ‘swept off my feet’, snuggling, and falling in love. My heart is still open, but to get to it, one may have to cut away some cobwebs or crack the secret code.

Meanie!

I am pretty mean. As I get older I become openly mean. It started out in my younger years as mere thoughts I kept to myself that I spoke to myself when I saw someone, something, or heard a comment/story. In my older years, things are starting to slip out of my mouth that I am actually thinking. Like my filter is getting larger and larger holes in it for mean thoughts to fall out of. It’s like my grandmother. She was honest, not mean. Let’s be clear. And I would like to think I am just honest, but I am pretty much on the verge of mean. And anyways, I am not near the age where it’s 'cute' to be that honest, like Gram was. I am getting older, but let’s not get out of control.

I can only attest I get this from her. My mother...not mean. Rarely has a bad word to say about anyone. Me...total bitch about people. Usually-- in my head. Lately-- coming out of my mouth. I seem to not be able to help it, and I'm worried I may offend or hurt your feelings. Maybe not that much, but kind of. There is a social norm/requirement thing that if you speak your mind and it’s the least bit snarky, your mean or a bitch. I guess-- so be it. I don’t WANT to be mean. I just am. Things just come out of my mouth sometimes, and I cannot help it. At some point in life, recently, just before turning 32, I must have decided to fuck what everyone thinks, and just say what is real. I find it refreshing. People 'claim' to find it refreshing, so why the whiplash and flinching when words come out of my mouth?

For instance, a couple weeks ago. (This isn’t that mean, in my opinion, but an example of how I size people up). I was Downtown at a wine bar celebrating a friend’s birthday. I was people watching outside at the passers on walking through Campus Martius. This group of men were walking across the street. There were 3-5 of them, dressed similarly and urban trendy. In my head played the Boyz II Men song "Motown Philly". As the song was playing in my head watching these men, the part of the song where they harmonize "Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD--The East Coast Family" was up. OUT LOUD, I said BBD. Just that part. Of course at this time, no one at the table was talking, so everyone looked at me. The only person who got it, was my bestie, who started laughing hysterically, whereas I, had to explain I was singing in my head, and out blurted a part from the song. Not mentioning why. Although Bestie, knew.

For instance, the other day. I was driving down 14 mile like at 45 miles / hour. Someone was creeping from a side street like they were going to turn left, but not sure. Then at the last possible second they...slowly...pulled out...right in front of me, to turn left. I had to slam on the breaks, and I screamed through my window. "I HATE YOU!!!!" and when I saw it was an old man, who really shouldn’t even be driving, probably, and I didn’t care. I felt no remorse that I told this old man who might die in a month, that I hated him.

Another instance, the other day. A friend has a family member in the hospital. I've been given play by play email updates on the condition. Don’t worry, I am not so mean, that I said rash things about this, because seriously, it is tragic, and thankfully they will be ok. But at the end of each update it said "thank you for all your thoughts and prayers". While talking about it to a friend, it happened to slip out of my mouth (kind of snidely) that "I didn’t pray. I thought". My God/Higher Being/Darwinism..What is wrong with me? My friend looked at me like "whoa!” I apologized immediately because that is what society sociology tells us to do, and I was given this reply. "You are just honest". And she meant it.

Another: "Do you like this dress?" Me--"no". Turns, walks away.

Does honesty = mean? I have my friends for a reason, because I really really love them. My friends are friends with me, hopefully, for the same reason. The reason I keep the friends I do is because they allow me to be myself. I dont have to be a censored version of myself. They "know how I am", however that can be taken, and love me for it (I hope). A great majority of my close knit friends, I have known for many years. I've never had to sensor, and they know I never will. I don’t have to, and neither do they. I've in a way always been like "this", and only recently I've been outwardly honest like this to mere acquaintances, which is what takes those people aback, and makes me think, "shit, I need to learn to control my mouth".

I have been really trying to control my mouth, opinions, and snark with my co-workers recently. I just transferred to a new store where no one knew me until I got there. At my 'home' store, they knew me...for however brief of a time it was (9 months), they still knew me, and accepted me for my snark, opinionated self, and tactless humor. What I love about each and every one of them, is they allowed me to be myself, just like my true friends, and for that, I will always consider them my true friends. But this controlling myself at the new gig has been hard. A few things have slipped and I need to remain 'socially acceptable' for professional reasons, of course.

I don’t want to be mean. I really don’t want to be cynical. I am in a mood tonight especially, so I feel like it’s in front of my face even more. Stress is a due factor, and the fact that I severely need a vacation. Imagine if I were a celebrity. I would be the hottest shit to hit TMZ. "What did she say now!". Thank goodness I didn’t pursue an acting career. Well, maybe I should have, even though I'd be cussing people out left and right, at least I could pay my bills, and feel 'entitled' to tell everyone off, because social norms do not apply to the celebutants.

Deep Thoughts from the Insomniac's Club

I am holding out on you, I know. I am holding off on eSmarmony Installment #3 for a reason. Mainly because of every time I write it, something happens where I can’t post it because it simply isn’t true anymore or I am proven wrong in my thought process, because you should know if you don’t, that what I write is pure truth on what happens to me and what I am thinking. There is a lot of stuff going on, and I just want to see how it pans out before I go all Dateless on you or them or him or it.

Today’s post may be a little reflective or ramble-some. Find it boring if you will, but it’s what I need to do right now.

Most times, I would be pissed if I didn’t get a returned phone call after a date, or if something kind of fizzled out by way of communicating after a date. But I realized something recently when I took some advice from myself and from the late Tupac. I just don’t care; I have no reason to at this point in the game, right? I mean, really why should I? I go out on one date and talk to someone for a week and I think I am entitled to daily calls and if you don’t ask me to go out the very next day then it’s over? No. And before you go all feminist on me, I just want to say that of course, I deserve someone who wants to spend every waking moment with me. I know all about the 'he’s just not that into you rules', and stuff. I know this, but I cannot expect that from everyone or immediately. Let’s be F'in realistic here.

I've realized I've grown up in that respect, because guess what? Aside from the date with the guy who brought the bee, I am not pissed at any of the others who stopped calling, didn’t request a second date, or have contacted me sporadically or started contacting me again weeks after our date. Because I have no reason to be mad at these people. What did they do to me? Nothing. They didn’t stand me up at the altar; they didn’t even stand me up for a date. And before the conversation I had tonight, I was not mad at all, and still am not. I was just kind of like WTF for a while. But because I am an honest person and so is this person, we were able to just be candid and say it. Remember this post? But then I realize people have shit going on. Life happens and we don’t want to involve someone we just met, rightfully so, and I have no reason to be mad about that. I certainly wouldn’t spill the drama or stress of my daily life with someone I just met. To this person's credit, even though we haven’t had the exciting conversations we'd had previous to our date and on our date, he has made an effort to contact me each day, no matter how brief. And with the candidness and honesty that we both openly possess, just seeing where the chips fall while stuff is going on is a decision we agreed on. So either way, can’t be mad. Can only just live and see what happens.

I don’t know why the sudden less 'hard ass' approach I am having to dating, but maybe that was my problem all along. I wrote many a dates off for mere things. Why? Because I don’t know what’s going on with their lives? Why do I need to be mad? It is NOT about me that they haven’t called, or maybe it is. I don’t know that, so why be pissed for no reason at all. It makes no difference in my daily life, so let’s just live. The hard ass approach is easy, too. It’s easy to write someone off you just met. Why? Because you have no emotional ties to that person. It’s not even worth it. What is not so hard ass is that I assume it’s about me. How selfish. I mean, yes, let’s be honest, it could be about me, and probably is most of the time, but it’s not always. Sometimes the person is having a shitter of a time with work, their dog ran away, and they are reflecting on their past experiences while relating to these life stressors and withdrawal. Wouldn’t you withdrawal? I sure as hell wouldn’t feel like chumming it up and pretending to be positive and happy while trying to get to know someone. Shit. That is harder work than just stepping back for a minute, a few weeks, or forever.

I probably spilled a little too much of things in this post, but it is what it is, and you can’t be mad at me right? You just read my post about not being mad, so stiffen up that upper lip and get over it. ;) Cheers.

eSmarmony--Installment #2 The Date and the Bee

eHarmony was going ok; I was trekking along with communications from several potential men. I say potential men, because you never know what you’re going to really get. The first one to get through the entire process so we could finally email each other real words was Chris. He lived near me, and seemed pretty cool, normal. So the exchanging of numbers happened after a few emails, and then the call. We talked on the phone I think 2 times before we decided to make plans to meet up. The phone conversations were pretty good. They lasted a long time, like hours, which I DONT do, so I was looking forward to meeting him. I realize a lot of things after the date that were clues to who he really was, but how would I know? I didn’t. This account is probably the worst date I've ever been on, and I have been on some doozies. Get ready and try to keep up.

A little background. On eHarmony, (er, smarmony), your profile consists of some things they pull from your personality profile, and a few things you can type in to tell the world. There is a question there that asks "What is something only your best friends would know about you?” My answer is "That I have an irrational fear of flying insects...but you'd know that if you were around me when something flew by". When me and Chris were having our conversation, he had asked me about it. I simply told him that I am extremely afraid of bees and wasps and the like. Not flies, but if one flies by and buzzes me, and I don’t know it’s a fly, the same uncontrollable run/arm flail combo and probably a shriek happens. It’s something I cannot control, and if I am--God help me--trapped in an enclosed space with a bee or wasp, I freak out. So, he asked and I told. He thought it was humorous as most people who do not have nor understand this fear do. He mentioned in the same conversation that in the fall, he wants to take me to the cider mill. Awesome, right? I haven’t been in many many years except for the haunted hayrides, so I was game. When I said that, he mentioned that it is swarming with bees and I'd hate it. Well, considering I'd only been to a cider mill at night in several years, I couldn’t remember bee swarms, but he's correct, I'd freak out. So he said again, he'd want to take me because he thought it would be funny. Ok, ha-ha, that was funny, but no, now I'm not going. /end conversation about that.

During our conversations, I had asked him if he played sports, and he mentioned he used to play ice hockey, but now only plays roller hockey because of an injury. The injury was that he was slammed so hard into the boards that his retina, or something, became detached and he had to have surgery and he is almost blind in that eye, and if it happens again, etc, he would go blind. Ok, hockey injury. No problem. Well, this got me thinking. After the conversation I went back to his profile and looked more deeply at the photographs. I am not the shallowest person in the world, but now that I looked harder, I think he has a google eye. Like, a lazy eye that looks in one direction while the other looks at you, and you have no idea where the person is actually looking. I'm freakin out, right. That is something I am really uncomfortable with. I don’t hate people for it, but it’s like..where do I look? What do I do? If I look in the direction of the other eye, does it make them feel bad? Do they know? Does it hurt? Well, I talked myself into the thought process that if he has a kick ass personality then it won’t matter, it really only looks like a drooped eye a little, and not full blown directionally challenged eye, and it is a cool sports injury. (I'm not shallow, but am a little bit at the same time, aren’t you? Come on.)

Fast forward to the date. We plan on meeting up at a local pub for some drinks. When I get there he is in his car in the lot waiting, and we get out and I say hello, etc. He really isn’t facing me, so I can’t see the eye, which of course is the first thing I am looking for, because I can’t help it. But I say Hi, and am my nice sweet self. I catch a glimpse of him give me/himself a "humph, yup, just what I thought" kind of look. I crinkled my brow for a moment, and moved on, let it go, because that couldn’t be possible. So, we find a seat in a booth in the corner, and here's how it went for 10 minutes.

Me: "So! How are you?"
Him: "Good". . . . . . .
Me: . . .
Me: "Why did you have to stay late at work?" (He worked in an attic all day and supposedly his co-worker did nothing)
Him: "Why do you have to bring up something that makes me upset"
Me: "oh, um, ok...I was just trying to make conversation because there is awkward silence"
Him: . . . . . . .
Me: "So....hmmm.....were you nervous to meet me?" (thinking that this might be why the sudden cat gotcho tongue thing is going on)
Him: "..um..no"
Me: "oh, ok, well I was, its normal when you meet someone for the first time" (Me thinking that because of the eye situation)
Us: . . . . .
Me: "Wow, its hot in here” waving my menu at my face"
Him: "no"

So, I will stop that convo, because if I have portrayed how uncomfortable this was, you’re probably hating my life for me right now. It was like that for seriously like 10 minutes, probably more. I almost kissed the waitress when she came over to take our order. And to answer the big question. Yes, he had the google eye. It wasn’t the most terrible google eye, but it was one, and it could have been dealt with, if the rest of this date didn’t happen and it had gotten better instead of waaaaay worse than what you've already experienced. Moving on.

There was a two person high top table next to our booth with two women who looked like they were in their 30's were sitting. See, I wouldn’t notice that except he brought them up several times in our "conversation/date". The first was "That blond looks like a bitch". I looked around like 'who??' (table next to us). He said something like they look like they are divorced and looked older than he thought. Awesome, because I care about the women next to us. They probably were creeped out because he kept looking at the TV above them (wings game) and because obviously he was staring at them, but maybe they couldn’t tell because of the eye situation going on. Anyhow, we finally get into some sort of 'conversation' which led him back to asking me more about my fears. So I'm scared of bees, and we went through that again. He brought up the cider mill for like the thousandth time. I finally said to him "Why would you want to take me somewhere where I’d have an anxiety attack? I don’t think that would be fun or funny, so why on earth would you want to take me there?" His answer was simply "because I'd laugh really hard and find it so funny". Awesome. This is going well. I couldn’t escape because when I went to the bathroom, it was right in his eye shot, and he was ,like, watching whenever I’d come back, and he'd even see if I asked the waitress to let me out the back door. I don’t know why I didn’t just say "ok, bye" and leave, but I endured through hell and back, and lived to tell about it. After the bees, we covered my fear of sharks, water, seaweed, roller coasters, and heights. I mean, this was lengthily. When I asked his, he had no fears. At all. Oh, poisonous snakes, he guesses. Oh really? I'm pretty sure everyone is afraid of those except the Crocodile Hunter (RIP). I didn’t quite realize his unhealthy obsession/satisfaction in my fears. He got off on them, and this my friends, was the most interesting thing about me to him. He didn’t care about what I did for a living, he didn’t care about my family, he didn’t care about my interests, he cared and loved talking about my fears. What is that when you get off by playing on someone’s fears? Sadist? That could be a total exaggeration, but the closest comparison I can think of.

At this point I was getting pissed. Besides that we talked about his job (of course, not mine because he didn’t ask or even talk really) and how mean he is to his customers that he does house calls for. If he were my electrician, that came to my house, and called me stupid to my face, I would slap him across his face so hard his other eye would turn google, and call his boss so fast and refuse to pay.
Now, I just sat there.
Me: "Sooooo..............."
Him: . . . . .
Me: staring
Him: "Why don’t you ask me some questions?"
Me: "Why do I need to ask you questions? Why can’t we just have a conversation?"
Him: . . . . .
Me: (looking around, find golf on TV) unenthused--"do you play golf?"
Him: "Why would you ask me that?"
Me: roll eyes "uhhh, because you wanted me to ask you questions and it’s on TV"
Him: --boring answer of sorts then silence
Me: "Who’s your best friend?"
Him: "Joe"
Me: silence, as to continue
Him: "what? you want his whole life story?"
Me: "at this point, yes, I do"
Him:. . . .
Me: rolling my hands as to express, let’s get it going "how old? how did you meet?"
Him: blah blah blah
Me:

oh forget the rest of that convo, you can see how it went.

Moving on...and no, I'm not even done. you think it’s bad now?
I go to the bathroom for like the 10th time. Mind you, I actually had pee'd every time, but also texted people like mad as well. When I come back, he has a 'look' on his face.
Me: with my blank stare, "what?"
Him: "I shouldn’t tell you"
Me: "ok"
Him: "no, really I shouldn’t"
Me: "ok, what, did that bitch blond do something else?" (remember every time I came back from the restroom, something new was going on with these women)
Him: "oh ok, I'll tell you. I killed a bee. I struggled a little, but I killed it."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Him: "I killed a bee."
Me: "No you didn’t. There is no bee in here." (Tt was cold outside and no bees yet, plus, I'd know if there was a bee around us ever...because..I just know.)
Him: stare. "Yes there was."
Me: "No there wasn’t. I'd know if there was an F'in bee in here."
Him: looking at the folded specials menu that is in the middle of the table like something is wrong with it
Me: "Oh really? what are you saying? The bee is under that paper?" (paper was not crinkled at all, nicely folded in half)
Him: "yup"
Me: "It's not a bee, it’s probably a fly, and if in fact there truly is a bee under that paper, why the hell would you leave it in the middle of the table and not brush it off onto the floor so I wouldn’t see it?"
Him: Shrugs and takes away the paper.
Me: Leaning in to look. aT. tHE. DEAD BEE!!!!!!!!!! "OH MY GOD ITS A BEE GET IT AWAY" is my uncontrollable reaction in shriek form.
Him: Looking very satisfied with himself, swishes it off the table, and laughs, and says very calmly "I think everyone heard that. Huh, that was funny."

Ok, are you thinking what I am thinking? Mother F-er. He totally brought that bee. How do I know? Because from the depth and bowels of my gut I know he did. He was OBSESSED with my fear, kept bringing up how funny it would be. He also, if you remember reading, he worked in an attic all day. We all know that there are dead bees on the floors of attics or window sills. Plus, a struggle? Give me a damn break. I was in shock. I was just staring. This is why I didn’t immediately get up and leave, or rather; poke him in his crazy eye, and leave-- Because he got up before me and said this:

Him: "I'll be right back; I have to go to my car"
Me: Thinking.. please leave, I don’t care, I'll pay for your beers "ok"
Him: "Here, I will leave my coat so you know I am not leaving. I just have to go to my car and do some drugs"
Me: Blank stare and also thinking.. damn, LEAVE! And I can’t because you’re parked next to me. "ok, why are you really going to your car?"
Him: "Drugs"
Me: "Yea, ok"
Him: "Oooh, no, I didn’t tell you, but I'm diabetic"
Me: "Ok. sSo insulin. Go"
He went. I was praying he didn’t come back, but also fearful to go out there by myself to find the nutcase waiting for me with a beehive or an insulin needle or something.

Oh, goodie, here he comes. Back to the table.
Waitress enters scene, get our bill please. Yes! She's getting it.

Him: "You don’t seem upset that I'm diabetic."
Me: "No, why would I care?" (Mind you, I am talking in the most monotone bored voice I could probably ever possibly have.(
Him: "Most girls do."
Me: "I can’t see why on earth they would." thinking, oh ya right, like those girls you told me about who stalked you? Mmm hmmm
Him: "Yea, there were cops in the lot and they told me I couldn’t have needles out there."
Me: “Why would you be out of your car doing that? And oh really? There was a cop in a bar parking lot? Last I checked unless they were called, that’s entrapment, but whatever. He leave you alone after you told him it was insulin?"
Him: "Well not exactly, someone was walking drunk to their car, so he went after them"
Me: "Mmhmm, right. Where’s the bill?"
Him: "So, are you afraid of needles too?"
Me: Here we go again. "Nope, not at all."
Him: "Really? So, I could poke you with my needles?"
Me: "Ummmmmmah! NO, I'd DIE, WTF???!!!!"
Him: "No, with plain needles!"

Oh. MY. GOD.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our bill came, he freakin paid, and we got out of there. He was walking soooo slow in the parking lot. And I kept his pace, because I was NOT about to turn my back to this psychopath. I got in my car and sped the F out of there making well sure he hadn’t even started his car yet. This is my first eSmarmony date folks. This will go down in history as the most weird, horrible, hellish date EVER. Oh, this was only a snippet of weird. I didn’t even tell you how he kept telling me he wanted to get me drunk so that I couldn’t drive and we'd have to go watch Wolverine at the movies. Oh ya. This was a total gem. This is why I waited so long to tell you my story. I wanted to let that sleeping dog lie and not awaken any beast if they were to somehow find my ramblings.

So, with this being installment #2 of my eSmarmony series, you may be able to understand better one of the reasons that I am not thrilled with my eSmarmony experience. I've had two other dates since this (with different people of course!) and they were normal uneventful dates, but this....this has scarred me. I mean, I even ran into a friend and her boyfriend, whom I’ve met once a year ago, on this night, and he told her (I find out later) that he was worried about me, because of the vibes this crazy mother F'er gave off to him.

Like I said, if he had a rockin personality, I could have looked pass the eye. But his personality sucks, he is mean, and he is a sadist, so the google eye is as creepy as he is. I think I'm scarred. I also believe now, that I am put on this earth to go on the most horrible of dates, and live to tell about them, nearly escaping death by insulin needle. Cripe.

eSmarmony--Installment #1

Here it is, the long awaited post for some. For others, this is a first you've gotten a whiff. This is going to be a series. The "eSmarmony" series, because a lot has happened to talk about.

About a month and a half ago or so, I joined eHarmony.com. I am not even going to link to them, because it’s not even worth it. You've seen the commercials with the people ever so in love; I don’t need to tell you what it is. If you live in a rock, it’s an online dating site...another one... but this one promises a different way to find you everlasting love, that is supposed to really work. I've kept this pretty secret because I've sworn off internet dating sites. I removed and deleted my profile from every single online dating service I'd ever used. Poof! I don’t exist. Phew. Gawd it was tiring, and irritating, and low quality. But...one day, Dr. Warren of eHarmony.com was on the TV telling me for the millionth time, that there is love for me out there. "Millions of users! Personality compatibility! Look at this couple in love!" I decided begrudgingly to give this one last shot. I'd never used eHarmony because it is REALLY expensive. So, my last shot entailed the rationalization that it’s more time consuming than the others, and its expensive, that must mean people on this site are serious about it.

So off I went typing and answering the questions in the personality profile. I took about 30 minutes and answered numerous questions about myself, about my likes and dislikes, and about what I want and don’t want in a man. After I was done, my info was regurgitated in the form of a personality profile. This profile was to be used to match me with people they feel I am compatible with. For the first few weeks, I had not joined just yet, and I was getting a TON of matches. Once I got my discount deal because they were just so desperate to have me, I joined. Then I went through all these matches. I deleted all of them from Canada. Yes, Canada. My search distance was set on 30 mile radius from my home, and well, Canada is in fact within 30 miles, but no thanks. If I can’t find love in this country, I have bigger problems than I think. I deleted all those without pictures. Sorry. This might seem shallow, but look here...If I am displaying my picture, you better display yours. Don’t give me that bull that you don’t have a camera. Guess what, almost all cell phones have a camera now, or one of your friends has ONE picture of you. Dig it out and put it up. And lastly, I deleted all of those who didn’t bother to write anything in their profiles. You can’t take the time, you don’t deserve mine. Well, this got rid of a little under half of them. Now the next task was going through the ones that didn’t get cut, and reading more, and seeing if they were in fact someone I could connect with. The list got a little smaller, but it was a decent size.

Since, I get 0 to 1 match per day instead of the 10 I was getting when I hadn’t yet paid. The ones I get are Canadians, no pictures, and not complete profile. It was suggested to me by eSmarmony customer service, I expand my search distance. OK, the next option is 60 miles. That is FAR, and I am not going any further than that. I am not about to go or make someone else drive 1 hour just to meet halfway to see if, in fact, the person is A. who they say they are, B. Shows up, and C. Not a nut job. Now I get more matches, in Sarnia, Canada as well as Windsor, in Flint, in Flushing, and in Port Huron. WAY far away from me. Whatever, I still look and read and see if it could be worth it.

The difference in eHarmony is that you cannot search through profiles. You must wait for eHarmony to send you matches that they pick for you based on the personality/psychological test/survey you take when you join. Now, as you will read in other installments, people can answer the questions in any way they want. There is no real truth to these unless the person answering is totally honest.

With all of that being said, this was a total waste of time and money for me. It is so time consuming for little benefit. I know, I know, "it takes time" blah blah blah. Yes, it does take a LOT of time to wait for the other person to answer AND send the 5 pre-determined questions with multiple choice answers that you sent them. Really? It takes you 3 weeks? Anyhow, I know I stand in my own way a lot of the time with my cynical attitude towards dating, but eHarmony has in fact validated my belief that online dating sites do. not. work. for me. The good thing about it is that I am open to it; I've put myself out there, and not sitting on my ass complaining about it. I've been on 3 dates. Three 1st dates, no second ones yet, nor do I want with any of them, but I went and was open. That’s more than I've given myself credit for, which was brought to my attention in an email from a friend today. I will just continue to wait to be the exception, not the rule. Just like the movies, or as similar as you can get with this being real life and all.

Next up: eSmarmony--Installment #2 The Date with the Bee